Sunday, November 21, 2010

#6 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend.

Jacobi Jones of JRK Entertainment


Today's Guy:  Jacobi aka @TeamJRKEnt, age 26
Claim to fame:  CEO of JRK Entertainment
How do we know each other? His girlfriend, Candy, introduced us.
Topic:  The inner-workings of relationships.

When Candy read my blog, she thought her boyfriend would be great for this segment. So after a couple of weeks of back and forth, I caught up with Jacobi. We talked about what makes relationships work.

Me: So, your girlfriend, Candy, was dying for me to interview you for my blog. Why do you think that is?


JJ: You know honestly I think it's because Candy's satisfaction has surpassed her expectations for the first time in a long time and she's really proud of that and wants to share it with everyone. She not trying to brag or anything, she's just happy!

Me: I try to discuss topics based on burning issues between men and women, and give the guys a chance to have their voices heard. I don't really know you, so tell me a little about your perception of relationships:



JJ: WOW!! Okay I'll try to be as brief as possible. Here is the thing, in any relationship (dating, monogamous or marriage) from my experience I've learned that a person has to be willing to be humble. Be open to accepting the good with the bad and receiving direction and feedback just as much as you're willing to give it. I'm not saying be tolerant of any behavior that doesn't support who you are, I'm just saying before you act on an emotion; take into consideration how it's going to affect your mate.

Me: I often say that women have a difficult time listening, so sometimes men clam up. When that happens women are left in the dark about a lot of things their man is going through. How do you view communication with your mate?

JJ: That's key in any relationship. It goes back to my response to the last question. In order for you to fully understand how your actions are going to affect your mate, you must have proper communication. But it's how you communicate that will affect the relationship. However I feel the solution to that is simple. Speak to your mate as how you would like your mate to speak to you. But I understand that it's easier said than done sometime.

Me: Do you ever find yourself limiting what you tell your mate for fear of her potential reaction to it? Have you ever done that in the past?

JJ: Honestly yes I have, but I don't anymore. But I've learned that, hiding your actions are similar to hiding who you are. Your actions are a strong representation of who you are and hiding them only creates a man trap that you will fall into unexpectedly sooner or later. It's easier and a less work when you can engage in a relationship and not have to worry about covering up your tracks.

Me: Let me get into the dynamics of a relationship. Who has what role? Which gender do you think is or should be the aggressor/ pursuer?

JJ: I'm going to use football as an analogy to answer this question.. LOL, it's the best way I know how. I do believe that the man should be the head coach (Leader) in a relationship. However, within every successful team, the head coach is only as strong as his Assistant Coach (Supporter). The women and her role as the supporter should be valued in every aspect. Sometimes the head coach is right and sometimes he's wrong. However at the end of the day, the best decision will be made based on a collective decision. When things go right, recognize the women for her input. However, when things go wrong, don't be so quick to point the finger, be accountable and take the blame because as the leader, you made the final decision; not being accountable can create a team with no trust.

The male can't be afraid to make decisions, that includes being proactive with planning. Communication with your mate and consider how it's going to affect the team. Create an environment that supports chemistry and unity. These are all qualities of a Championship team. I can go on and on in regards to my theory on relationships in the aspect of a successful football team. But, I'll stop it here.

Me: If you've read my blog, you see that my slant is having guy friends. How do you feel about your mate having friends of the opposite sex?

JJ: It's cool as long as no lines are crossed. But we all know guys are just as sneaky as girls when trying to take that friendship to the next level. Just keep it appropriate and I'm cool.

Me: I also notice that you're in the entertainment business. That opens up the door for a lot of "socializing" with women. How does your line of work affect your relationship?

JJ: It doesn't. A person in my position only has issues with this when he "opens the door" of opportunity for someone else. In my experience, and I'm only speaking for me, I've notice that women only cross that line when they are lead on. No women that I know are going to "sweat" a man that is blatantly telling her that "I'm in a relationship and there is no opportunity for us to be together." And if the line is still crossed, the man has to step up and cut off all ties. I mean, there is no such thing as "a home girl that knows I have girl, but I know she's still feeling me, I use to have relations with her but we're just cool now" LOL (The fellas are going to hate me for that one)

Me:  You're still fairly young.  What made you decide to settle down and be in a committed relationship at this stage of life?

JJ:  The fact that the pickings are slim these days. LOL. You don't come across many women who are attractive, down to earth, established and independent! When I found Candy, I was like THANK GOD... FINALLY!! And there was no way I'm was about to mess this up

Me:  How long have y'all been together?

JJ:  About 4 months officially

Me:  What made you say, this is the one I'm ready to be with?

JJ: Oh man, it was everything about Candy that made me say that I wanted to be with her. I think it was when she met my mother and my mother was more interested in spending time with her than she was with me. And that never happens with my mother. I think it was then that I stated to myself, "oh yeah, she'll work"!!

Me:  So mama's approval sealed the deal! LOL.  Why do you feel other men your age aren't ready to commit? Is it an age thing or a stage of life thing?

JJ:  I'm going to say it's a stage of life. I've been through a lot in my life. That's not to say I'm better than anyone else or I'm more mature; I'm still immatuyre in a lot of aspects. However through events in life, I've been forced to grow up a little quicker than the average 26 year old and see things through a different light. Plus, trust me; I've done pretty much all there is for a single man to do. I'm tired of that lifestyle now.

Me:  You've officially been together for four months now.  Do you feel that relationships sometimes move too fast?

JJ:  Not mine, it's for-each-his-own. I mean every relationship is unique; they develop at their own pace. We shouldn't look at another person’s relationship and try to evaluate it from the outside.

Me:  That's a great point.  Actually another guy I interviewed made a point about not reading books and movies to discover what would work in your own relationship and instead focusing on the person you're with.  What will it take to make your relationship last?

JJ: Mine personally will continue to last as long as I keep buying Candy jewelry.. LOL, no I'm kidding. It will last as long as I continue to be completely honest with Candy and she returns the favor. It will also requires us to continue to humble ourselves. Understand that we have to consider each other before any actions are made.  I will continue to try and keep the relationship as exciting as possible. I'm more than confident in knowing that she will do the same!

Me:  Do you have any wisdom you want to leave with the people?

JJ:  Yeah, I hope I'm not coming off as an expert wannabe. I am certainly not trying to do that. I'm just sharing my perspective as a result of the relationships I've been in. Trust me I've made plenty of mistakes.  I've hurt a lot of women and I've allowed women to hurt me. I just wanted to share what I've learned in hopes of preventing someone from missing out on their blessing because they don't know how to acknowledge it.
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