Battered American Syndrome
THIS POST IS A BIT RANDOM AND FLUID...
This particular night, a couple of weeks ago, she was on Ancestry.com looking deeply into our roots. Apparently, we have quite a deep history of military involvement in our lineage. I wasn't quite aware of it. I knew one of my gramps was in the military, but didn't know it extended to both sides of my family.
Anyway...it made me think about a lot of things I've examined over the years...particularly race relations and the plight of minorities in this country. I studied African and African American history in college, but even before then I dug deeply into our roots...starting as a six year old. However, even then, I looked at it from an intellectual standpoint. It was real, but somehow removed far enough to not be painful.
I could wax poetic about the atrocities faced by Black people "From Slavery to Freedom" and dissect the "double-minded Negro," who was "Up From Slavery." I could tell you the cost of lost connections with African civilizations and stolen legacies from bin to Igbo and Massai and the like...I felt it but couldn't really FEEL it. I will always let you know that I became an attorney because of Thurgood Marshall, and I still have a copy of David Walker's "Appeal." I know our history here. I read about it and am passionate about it...but when I had that conversation with my sister about Grandpa Ben Cap... It hit me.
You see, I had read about Black soldiers who were lynched in their uniforms when they would return home from combat. I had known of the genocide in Wilmington, NC and Tulsa, Oklahoma. But knowing that my grandfathers served in the military made this hit me hard!
You see, I have never been a champion of war. Some might say I'm anti-war, and I never held soldiers in the light of being heroes. I saw and still see them as people who sign up to do a job. Oftentimes that "job" causes people a lot of pain...including themselves. Yet, I would be the first in line to protest in favor of extending military benefits and taking care of wounded vets. Go figure.
Back to my grandpa...I wanted to tell my sister to hold on #ICantBreathe.... Yes I knew the value of my forefathers on this land but this was too close for my comfort. You see, I grew up knowing my great grandmother. She was a real person to me. We shared stories, hugs and laughter. I was 19 when she passed away. This soldier man was her husband. Now...I'm feeling a connection.
It wasn't just Black men fighting for this country...it was my great grandfather and my grandfathers...A country that in their youth had laws on the books that made it okay to destroy their families...to haul them off with lynch mobs...to not pay them for jobs well done...to possibly blow up the church that my Grandpa Ben Cap built and my grandma and her sisters worshipped in as little girls... It could have been them instead of the little girls in Alabama...My God! ICANTBREATHE
Sometimes when I talk to my non-minority counterparts, it is hard for some to understand my not so fond and rosy perspective of our shared homeland.
Often, I feel like they just don't get it...Whereas it used to make me angry...now I'm more understanding of their perspectives. You may be unaware or unfamiliar with the struggles faced by another person or group of people, but your lack of knowledge is not indicative of the validity or invalidity of those struggles.
Try giving room for compassion when dealing with people facing struggles you've been blessed to not have to deal with.
These were people who share(d) my DNA. My heritage lay at the feet of soldiers who happen to be my grandfathers... It was too much for me to take...but I listened to my sister as she spoke...and in my head, I juxtaposed this new information with my classic perceptions of the US and wow just wow ICANTBREATHE.
To see the chasm in purported liberty and the reality for so many of us hurts. How is it that a group of people can be treated like foreign invaders in their own land? What makes it right for people to have all they've worked for taken away or have themselves taken away from it? How is it that for petty accused crimes a Black child will get the death penalty and a White child who was convicted will become a Congressional aide (Elizabeth Lauten)?
Why is it that selling drugs has a lot of Black men walking around with felonies, but all of a sudden selling weed makes White men wealthy...legally? It's crazy. Tell me how this makes any sense? (this also happens with poor people no matter the race.)
How is it that people can ignore the pain felt by others and then turn around and blame the victim for being victimized whilst not holding the perpetrator accountable? If one more person fixes her mouth to ask me about folks "rioting", I'm going to scream. Now I've witnessed people acting a fool over pumpkins, the Stanley cup, and ACC Basketball titles...they were setting fires, turning over cars that belonged to someone else and basically tearing stuff up for "celebration." No one is outraged by it... But when people get fed up about being mistreated...now it's a problem? You know what...it's Battered American Syndrome...people get tired of being abused and they snap. (An easy cure is to stop abusing people...)
Let me give you some real life examples. I once worked at a personal injury law firm. My surpervising attorney warned me that when negotiating settlements to be mindful that jurors awarded Black clients significantly less money than White clients even with the same facts and injuries. He said, "I know it isn't fair, but it's reality."
Now let's talk about the rights of a US citizen. My friends who immigrate from other countries often ask how it is that Black Americans can't achieve what immigrants achieve. In this respect I shake my head in disgust because I think about how many folks not only achieved great things under mass discrimination and outright reigns of terror, but then too the lives lost and families torn apart for the sake of merely being treated as a US citizen. This is real. People want to deny it and look the other way...but Black people, even those who fought for this country, are not treated in the same respect as other US citizens.
It is easy for people to ignore because if it isn't happening to you, it is easy to believe that it isn't happening at all. I will focus on the treatment by police. Police do not determine guilt or innocence. Their purpose is information gathering and arrest...oh and they have discretion in who they arrest, how they arrest , and what they cite an arrestee with based on the accusations of crime. So, I have seen repeatedly where under the same types of crime people are given different charges.
There is a courtesy paid to non-minorities that is a shock to the system. How is it that mass murderers make it into police custody without being shot on sight, but a 12 year old boy playing with a BB gun gets shot within two seconds of an officer's arrival? It is as if officers throw out their little bit of training and go straight into attack mode when dealing with someone with melanin in his or her skin. It makes no sense. I don't know how it could make sense for anyone.
For so long I have been captured in this abusive relationship with this country that my own grandfathers put their lives on the line for and I didn't even know it...or acknowledge it.
Honestly...that's how I look at the relationship of folks who look like me with this country...like a DV relationship. This country being the abusive significant other and folks like me suffering from battered spouse syndrome. I mean think about it... My grandfathers were risking their lives to protect the rights, lives and freedoms (as many who tout the heroism of the military claim) of people who were hell bent on treating them like animals. Now ain't that some ....stuff?!
These men were protecting people who would go on to establish institutionalized racism....I'm not saying all...I'm just including the folks where the shoe fits.
This is what has blown my mind, most recently, about this DV relationship...Just like a battered spouse, Black folks keep getting (and accepting) the blame for getting the life LITERALLY beaten out of them.
Whenever issues of police brutality, wrongful convictions or the slaying of innocent Black people come up, there will always be support thrown to the perpetrators by Black and White people alike. (Granted...the victims also receive some multicultural support as well...)
But, if one more person approaches me with the "well if we valued our own lives other people would too," BS I'm going to scream! The truth of the matter is...people who devalue you as a human being will never value you! Wearing your clothes a certain way, having a certain job title, and living at a certain address will not change how some people view you..as less than human. Unfortunately those people hold some positions of authority. And quite frankly, your abuser may want to love you but because of his/her defects it is impossible for him/her to do so. A defective entity can hardly treat you with love, respect and care.
I wager that this land is defective.
Never in my purview have I seen a victim of homicide get treated like a criminal no matter the circumstances, like I've seen happen with Black (and Hispanic) victims of violent crimes...especially when the perp wears a badge. I mean people sling around the term "thug" like it's a Black man's name. And yes...I know you really want to say Ni...r.
The victim (much like a rape victim) is put on trial and never given the benefit of the doubt or protections afforded to the victims I see on Dateline NBC, 48 Hours or 20/20. Nope...somehow they are at fault for their own abuse.
I would go into a discussion a colleague tried to have with me against my will...when I was asked "And why do Black people get to call each other the N word..." There was so much behind that conversation that I had already refused to take part in...whew lawdy!!!
Yet, I wonder if I had missed out on an opportunity to broaden the perspective of someone who clearly (to me) had limited connections with people outside of her homogenous group.
Anyway... Let's just say this relationship is hard. And honestly...I don't know what the solution is at this point. It's hard to change a person's mindset... I really believe that until everyone sees the next person as a human being with the same value as he or she holds for him or herself, nothing will change.
