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Showing posts from 2016

Fix a Black man's heart

Fix a Black man's heart was the title of an Iyanla Fix My Life series that played out over three episodes from October 29th through November 12th. This blog post will be about that series and how many of the issues broached can be about any man, no matter his race.

FIU player severely injured in domestic violence attack

Mary Gasper of Miami Gardens, Florida viciously attacked her boyfriend FIU senior tight end Jonnu Smith on Halloween night. The news just hit yesterday about the domestic violence that may have ended Smith's very promising football career.

Curves Connect: Online dating for real people seeking real relationships

Many people find online dating frustrating. Between the lies and game playing, the fear of being "catfished" and the sensory overload they have decided that online dating is a waste of time. Others see online dating as no different than traditional dating and actually feel it is more convenient. Where do you fall within these two contrasting perspectives? 

Men vs Women: Birth Control

Birth Control has been a controversial topic for decades. Some religions ban birth control outright. Conspiracy theorists warn against use of birth control as a genocidal attempt at population control (I swear, I had someone say this to me... weird...man....weird.)

None of that, however, touches the reaction of men to the side effects of male birth control in a recent clinical trial.

Ten reasons you should stay single

I used to write a relationship column for a now defunct news portal. This is one of the posts that first appeared April 30, 2014. 


Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. People long for companionship and intimacy. Many have worked hard in life and desire someone with whom to share their accomplishments.

So many people are relationship hungry when they are not relationship ready. Yet gurus, books, TV shows, your mamas and everyone else tell you that it is time for you to settle down. Someone should tell you the truth: You need to stay single!

Face it, being wealthy does not make you relationship ready. Being beautiful does not make you relationship ready. Having accomplishments does not make you relationship ready. Getting old does not make you relationship ready.

Wanting a relationship does not make you relationship ready.
Sure you can just jump into a relationship, but if you want a healthy relationship...maybe right now...you need to stay single.

Here are 10 Reasons you need to …

Surviving Compton told us a lot about domestic violence

Every year, for over ten years, I have done something volunteer wise about domestic violence. I've volunteered as a legal advocate, spoken out on radio shows, raised money, collected items for shelters, written think pieces...spoken directly to victims...

This year, I was at a loss. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I honestly did not know what else to do. For two years now, statistics have shown a decrease in domestic violence. DV stats are populated from a variety of sources including police reports, hospital reports, and self reporting through the use of DV shelters and services.

Donald Trump is not an anomaly

You knew who he was. All of the hand wringing and "Oh my gosh, I can't believe it!" commentary coming this morning after the Billy Bush-Donald Trump tape was released by the Washington Post, is so disingenuous.

In the tapes, from a 2005 Access Hollywood interview, Trump can be heard discussing how he went after a married woman, how he has his way with women because he can't control himself, and how he does whatever he wants to do because he's famous, and the women let it happen. Bush starts egging him on saying an actress walking by is "hot as **it!" Then he cheers and rallies as Trump continues on talking.

CHARLOTTE: 'What's Going on'

They say Charlotte is burning... but...


Allen Iverson's Hall of Fame Speech

Allen Iverson has a story that is similar to so many young men and women who find their way to success through sports. For many, playing sports is more than a competition, it is a saving grace. There is something about building both strength of body and strength of character through building with other people.

Anyone who has ever played organized sports (not just a pick up game or street ball) will tell you that in your heart and mind you will always be an athlete, no matter how old you get. But there's more to it than that...Through sport you sharpen so many aspects of your personality. For instance, confidence and assertiveness flourish through competition.

Everything I did wrong in my relationships

Everything I did wrong in my 20s, is a web series by Kim Williams, that I have fanned out over for a couple of years. It follows the travails of the main character, Stephanie Rogers, with a series of flash backs to advice she should have given her younger self. Rogers is depressed after a series of losses and journals her pain as she fights to reclaim her life.

Check out this episode:


Now to the subject of this blog post. I swear, I talk about relationships in some capacity every day. Relationships are deeply important to me, as they are the foundation of a great society.

That being said. Let me tell you everything I did wrong in my relationships. And by "wrong," I mean doing things that were counter to maintaining a healthy relationship.

BELIEVING IN NON-COMMITTED COMMITMENTS
The meme says 'Dating in 2016,' but this was my attitude most of my dating life. I never wanted the responsibilities of a relationship, but wanted all of the benefits. 
BEING BUSY ALL OF THE TIME

Ask YBBG: Is it time to leave my marriage?

I often receive questions from married people. In my other career, I typically deal with people whose dating relationships or marriages are ending, or are already over. 
Many times those people still deeply love each other, but the break down of the relationship was irreparable...or so they thought. 
I often think they are just fatigued and stubborn. Each one thinks his or her way is the only way, and when the other does not comply they throw up their hands.

Ask YBBG, the new blog addition

Almost every week, I get no less than three phone calls, texts or emails about relationship issues or just relationships in general. Everyone has relationship issues, so it only makes sense that everyone has relationship questions. 
Nope, I don't fancy myself a relationship guru. I am not the person who will tell you how to snag a mate or make it down the aisle. However, I can help you with your relationship issues. 

I am a thinker, observer, and problem solver. 
I'm driven more by logic and reason...and still trying to tap into my own emotions. (That's just the truth.) 
Life has given me a unique window into a portal that many don't realize exists: the space where men and women finally understand each other. 
Growing up as a tomboy and having genuine, life-long friendships with the opposite sex, has afforded me the ability to synthesize information in a unique way.  Someone once told me that I am annoyingly fair. I really don't take sides. I try to see the issue,…

Ask YBBG: She is not ready for a relationship

I checked my email this morning and received a request for advice on a very common topic. (I was an advice columnist for seven years, btw.) 

I agreed to give an answer if I could share the issue with you readers. I also agreed to make this as anonymous as possible, so I won't post the email in its entirety. 
Here's what happened. Young gent and lady, who are neighbors hit it off. They spend a lot of time together and start a heavily romantic relationship without making a commitment.


Numerous sleepovers and hangout sessions later, and one day ish gets awkward.

They are out together and run into his friend. So upon introduction, he identifies her as his neighbor (something other than girlfriend, boo, bae, significant other, woman of my dreams). She feels some kind of way and goes cold on him. He apologizes and tried to convince her that he meant nothing harmful by it, but she's hurt. 😩
Now he's making all kinds of overtures to show that he cares, lady erases him from h…

Romance Awareness Month

#RomanceAwarenessMonth Day 1 #Romance involves catering to all five senses, employing #creativity, and celebrating the unique nature of your #relationship. #blog #relationshipblogger #datingtips #love A photo posted by YBBGBlog (@ybbg_blog) on Aug 1, 2016 at 8:18am PDT

So August is romance awareness month and I've been paying homage to the month over on Instagram.

Granted, I had never heard of this, but when it came to my attention I thought it was pretty cool. I'm all for positive things. I get tired of seeing all of the negativity about relationships, and want to feed the good vibes. 
(Note that these personal stories are going to be from the past. LOL) 
I think romance is an integral part of a relationship. Studies have shown that romance is an essential element needed for building emotional attachment in a relationship. There are a number of reasons why this is true and they deal with the five senses, hormones, and chemical balance of the brain. (Check out the blog's I…

Dating 20s vs 30s: Social Media Effect

Ahhh social media. The blessing. The curse. Social media is great for connecting with old friends and finding new ones. Social media gives you the virtual access of having a passport (You should still get a passport.) to people with whom you may have never had the opportunity to connect. 
When I started this series of blogs, social media continuously popped up in discussions I had with different people. 

Some of us in our thirties entered the dating scene as teens before cell phones were in every hand, prior to the existence of text messaging, tweeting, facebooking, instagramming, snapchatting and a multitude of other forms of communication.
Face-time meant actually meeting up with someone IRL ("in real life") and communicating face to face. 
Check out this (edited) post from a guy on a date with a lady engaged more with her phone than with him. 

The heavy dependence on social media as a primary source of communication is quite difficult to deal with. It can be very annoying…

Dating 20s vs 30s: The down side

I received an email from a young man who has been reading this 20s vs 30s series. He was concerned that the bent from the blogs was that dating for serious relationships was best done in your 30s. And he felt that meant I didn't believe he could find a serious relationship at the age of 23.  
I actually feel like age isn't a grave factor when it comes to finding healthy, sustainable relationships. Healthy relationships are more depended upon maturity and self-awareness. Quite honestly, there are difficulties that we all face no matter our age.
In the first post in this series, I stated that not much has changed for me now vs in my 20s. But over the course of discussing this topic with others and thinking about some things, I've realized there are some things to which I have paid little attention. 
1. Time is a scarce resource
When you're young, fly and free...it seems like you have more time than you know what to do with. You could do spontaneous dates or multiple date…

Dating 20s vs 30s: A lady's perspective

After collecting info for this series of blogs, I realized that my respondents were somewhat monolithic. Most are college grads with professional careers, so keep that in mind when reading. 
I posted a 30 something Guy's response to this topic, and thought this lady's response was also deserving of a separate blog.
Keep reading for a lady's perspective on dating after her 20s.

How is dating different for you now vs in your twenties?

1. Looking for Boaz, not whomever. 2. Guys have gotten smarter and are more honest. 3. More obstacles.... Ex wives, kids, careers, mortgages.  4. More options - now that I'm 30 something, late 30s and 40s don't sound so old. I'm having a much better time in my 30s😎😍💅🏾

Also, right around 2/3 years out of undergrad, there's a wave of marriages.  If you make it to 30 and you're still dating, you'll see half of those marriages are still intact and half of them are not, which relieves the pressure of getting married. You see…

A Tomboy's Guide

The eBook (pdf only) version of A Tomboy's Guide is here! And it is available on Lulu. So what's the deal with A Tomboy's Guide? Well...here's what it is all about:

A deep dive into the male psyche from a woman who grew up playing rough with the boys. A sometimes funny, sometimes emotional examination of the male-female dynamic and how it impacts relationships between parents and children and men and women. Uncover the truth behind mommy and daddy issues, the battle of the sexes and the many complexities of the relationships of men and women. Everyone has relationship problems, but very few have relationship solutions. A Tomboy's Guide is about solutions. This book gets to the heart of the matter: Most folks just do not know how to relate to each other.People seek to blame instead of heal. Confusion and miscommunication drive most conflicts.Relationships do not thrive on expectations of perfection. We all enter new relationships like shards of glass when we carry wi…

Dating 20s vs 30s: A guy's perspective

What you are about to read is an analysis from a 30-something single guy on dating in your 20s vs 30s.
Dating ain’t easy, no matter how much fun it can be, or not be.
   “To be, or not to be” is the question that Shakespeare’s Hamlet asked of himself about life; which only now as a man in my mid-to-late-thirties is better referenced in the dating world.. 
To be single, or not to be single.To go on “this” date, or not go on that date.To make a second date happen, or to not make a second date happen.To be the single man in your neighborhood, your workplace, your house of worship, your circle of friends that let you be you, that support you, or are weary of you, those that feel sorry for you, (from their own perspective) and those that are jealous of you because they still see the blue war paint as you stand as a symbol of their own long-lost days of independence while in their mind you scream “Freedom!” in the relationship version of Braveheart, yet in your opinion it sometimes can be more…