I know, what about the murderers and rapists and pedophiles and all the like, right? And on the flip-side what about the Mother Teresa's of the world?  How could there not be "bad" or "good" people?

I am a believer in God and a spiritual person.  It is my belief that God creates us all for a purpose.  Some chose to step completely outside of that purpose and others continue in it.  As you meet people, you may see them doing good or doing bad. 

Ok, so a couple of weeks ago I was on Power 98 fm's No Limit Larry and the Morning Maddhouse Battle of the Sexes segment, discussing this topic.  Many people calling in said bad bedroom habits make a relationship unhappy.  Meaning if the loving ain't good, the relationship ain't either.

So is that it? That's all it takes for happiness in a relationship? So as long as the loving is good, everything is fine by you? I mean, for some people that is true.  How many times do you find people taking any type of treatment from their partner as long as they are being satiated sexually? Does that mean they are happy? 

They will walk around looking a Thriller Zombie mess and depressed all day long any other day, but because they are pleased in the bedroom they will say they are happy?  This is actually an appropriate topic for today, because today is World AIDS Day.

If honesty, trust, devotion, and faith are not part of your relationship, then how can it be happy?  If all you'…

I know you just gave that title the side-eye.  Imagine the look on my face when I heard it. LOL.  I was at a local radio station, talking with one of the morning show personalities.  When he said "Sometimes I just want to cuddle...be held." I said "say whuh?!" And started laughing.


But...I thought about it.. After all, he was serious. That got me to thinking...now if some guys feel that way, what else do they want us to know?  So here are five things guys wish women knew:

Today's Guy:  Tory M. Woodbury, age 32 WSSU and NFL alum
How long I've known him:  About a year, I think.
What he does:  He's a former NFLer, current coach and a dook fan (boooooooo)
Today's topic:  Can men and women be platonic friends?

So Tory and I had an interesting conversation about egos, trust, dating, friendships, etc. But since the conversation was so long, and I am my own transcriber, I decided to limit today's post to platonic relationships between men and women.

Me: Let me get your take on male/female relationships. What do you think about men and women being friends.


T.W.: Hmmm...Honestly my earlier opinion, in my younger days I didn't think men and women could coexist as friends because I assumed that there was always something physical there. Or they were friends for a reason. Somebody was getting something out of the relationship.

Me: What if anything happened to change that?

T.W.: I met a female and we've been nothing but friends since my colle…



This blog serves several purposes. The main goal is to bring about gender understanding :).  I also try to bring about some cultural understanding in the process. I think information is part of the bridge to bring about a closure of the gap.

Let's just say that sometimes we may have some cultural differences.  And this varies from person to person. In the first two pictures above I am rocking the last remnants of the last relaxer I received sometime in 2008.  The last picture is after all the relaxer was cut out of my hair in December of 2009.

I'm not even about to go into relaxers vs naturals and all that jazz. To me, your hair is your hair, do what you want to with it.  What I want to talk about is what happens when you touch a woman's hair. LOL

Now this varies from woman to woman.  But there are a lot of us (with natural AND relaxed hair) who have a "no hair touching" policy.  There are limited times when hair touching is allowed:

If I know you, and yo…




By now you get the premise of this blog.  At least I think you do.  Basically this blog is somewhat about my friendships with guys. I love them. They are like my brothers.  Now, I don't get the idea of friendship confused with something else.  After my last interview for "#7 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend," which will appear Sunday, I had to do some self-reflection.  The guy in the interview made me do a lot of thinking.

Sometimes having guy friends causes trouble.  The most trouble comes when I'm in a relationship. Granted when the guy is secure, it isn't a big deal.  I remember one time when I met my best guy friend, in the pic up top, I was in a relationship with a guy who had the same name.  And honestly sometimes it got confusing.

My then boyfriend had no problem with the friendship.  We were honest. They met each other.  All was well.

This has been circulating for quite some time now, and it is funny each and every time I read it!



Madea's Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner


Print and give to each guest that enters your home.

10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that; who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything. If you can't walk, or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn peanuts and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses down to the basement and bring their food down to them. They…

You know a key difference between men and women? Men do not have "frienemies".  They either like you or they don't.  That's the way I handle my friendships too.  I choose to not compete with other women, I compete with myself.  Sometimes I may be challenged by other women or feel a twinge of jealousy, then I remind myself, What God has for me is for me, and for her is for her.  Simple.

So, I don't get the concept of frienemies or going after your friend's man.  Last week I was a guest on Power 98 FM again for Battle of the Sexes.  I decided to stay around for Situations, which is a segment every Thursday around 8:30.

The writer of the letter for Situations, was a young lady whose best friend since the age of 11 was married with children.  Her godchildren.  Well she and the wife were so close, they'd roomed together in college and afterwards.  She found her bff's husband to be attractive since meeting him.  One night the wife was away, but had left …

Anthony Cris Collinsworth, former NFL wide-receiver and current Mike Vick detractor, who claims to be a football commentator.  But I thought commentators just gave color for the games? Apparently those duties have shifted.

Last night you all watched the Eagles vs Giants game, right?  If you did, you probably heard the bigoted ramblings of Collinsworth wishing death and destruction on Vick while decrying the need for music for "his people" and the notion that the Black players listen to too much hip hop music.

No. I'm not making this up.  If you DVR'ed or TiVo'd it, you can play it back. Not to mention the fact that he iterated the wrong rules and repeated himself over and over again.  I'll say he was drunk...

Otherwise, how is it that a commentator can say it was good that once they took Vick down they were able to bang the back of his head on the ground. Really, dude? The man comes off of one of the greatest games ever seen in modern times, then passes for …

I'm not going to go into a whole episode run down, you can catch that tomorrow on Blitz and Glam, a blog run by a colleague.  But I do have a couple of things to say about the show.

Of course everyone wants to grab on to snippets of the fame and fortune of others.  That is why the show will be successful.  You feel like you're living vicariously through the fortunes of the "wives".  Yeah, yeah...I get it.

But seriously. These are just every day people, put in certain positions either by choice, force or fate. They are no better than you and no worse.  Which brings me to the point of writing this post.

Today's Guy:  Jacobi aka @TeamJRKEnt, age 26
Claim to fame:  CEO of JRK Entertainment
How do we know each other? His girlfriend, Candy, introduced us.
Topic:  The inner-workings of relationships.

When Candy read my blog, she thought her boyfriend would be great for this segment. So after a couple of weeks of back and forth, I caught up with Jacobi. We talked about what makes relationships work.

Me: So, your girlfriend, Candy, was dying for me to interview you for my blog. Why do you think that is?


JJ: You know honestly I think it's because Candy's satisfaction has surpassed her expectations for the first time in a long time and she's really proud of that and wants to share it with everyone. She not trying to brag or anything, she's just happy!

Me: I try to discuss topics based on burning issues between men and women, and give the guys a chance to have their voices heard. I don't really know you, so tell me a little about your perception of relationships:

A writer posted his critique of For Colored Girls a few weeks ago.  Another Black man bashing movie by Tyler Perry, is what he labeled it.  "Why couldn't there be a movie about good black men," he asked.  This was just another method to make Black women bitter, he accused.

I wonder if he actually saw the movie.  The same movie that haunted me into my sleep.  The one about the women who carried within them the misery that would cause anyone to lose their minds.

Did he read the choreopoem by Ntozake Shange from 1975?  The one that vividly illiterates the secrets, hidden so deep in these women that they can only be spoken of in prose and given life through color?

Why you treat me so bad...I don't know why you treat me so...

Who sang that song? I can't remember right now. But it is mad old school. Like way back in the day...when I would grab my radio and play secular music in secret.  That music was not allowed in my house...lol. Anyway...that has nothing to do with this post. 

This post is about accepting poor treatment. Look at the lady in the picture...You've felt like this a time or two yourself, haven't you?  It happens when... he doesn't call like he said he would.  He cheated...AGAIN... He lied... He used you...He didn't pay for the date... He just wants to "kick it".   He wouldn't commit.  He spoke to you any kinda way. 

Lauryn put it down in this song...but hurting does not feel good...



Now you know you diddy bopped and grooved to this song when it came out. It reminded you of your situation, didn't it? My question is...why do you take it?  I mean even a dog would get tired of getting kicked …



 

Today's guy:  O. Greene, age 34 How long I've known him:  5 years Relationship status:  Single, never married, no children
I thought about this topic for some time. Often we hear about women who are desparately seeking marriage.  Everyone always looks at a woman who is single and over 30 as though there is something wrong with it.  Men usually don't get that same type of scrutiny.  So I decided to scrutinize one of my guy friends about why he has yet to settle down.  We were supposed to talk for 20-30 minutes, but we talked for 2 hours!

It has been almost fifteen or so years since I played sports competitively.  I still consider myself an athlete. Crazy, right? I'm not nearly as athletic. But the desire is still there.  I had to walk away from my favorite sport, basketball.  And I couldn't look back. LOSING BASKETBALL WAS LIKE LOSING SOMEONE I'D LOVED ALL MY LIFE.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  We were running drills in basketball camp.  And in an instant it was over. I blew out my knee.  If it weren't me, it would have been kinda funny to see how it happened. One of the coaches would roll the ball down the court, with increasing velocity.  We'd have to catch up to the ball, grab it off the floor and shoot a jump shot or a layup.  Well, I outran the ball...it rolled up under my foot, and I flipped up in the air.

I've been up since 5 am.  That tends to happen every day now.  I guess that means at 5 am, I need to do something.  I could just struggle to go back to sleep, but for what? A couple more hours of being restless? Nope.

I decided to talk to you.  So I'm thinking about the people I've met since moving.  The first people who came to mind were the homeless people I've met.  Some were at the Center of Hope, a resource for women and children.  I know some of you would say, really? The homeless? But you've been on the radio and met some "big names". 

See, to God we are all "big names".  Including the people you pass on the corner begging.  Have you ever stopped to talk to them? To know why they are there? I live by the notion that you can learn something from anybody.

The guys I bond with, span the globe. I have a pal from Kenya, one with Thai roots, buddies from Brooklyn and southern gents.  They are younger and older than me.  Black, White, Asian and multi-ethnic.  One of my besties is a military soldier another an actor. I have pals who play professional sports and some who have been stay at home dads.

Many of the views you read here are from them.  And other guys like them.  For some uncanny reason we bond.  And they just tell me stuff.  Rarely have I struggled with men being "trifling" or not wanting to commit. That hasn't really been my existence. So I typically look at men in a positive way.




I have a bone to pick with you. Now...I hope you have time to hear it. Because I got something to say...

Said the voice on the other end... The call was coming in from Germany...

Oh Lord...what did I do now?  I asked with the sleep still in my voice.

It was one of my "adopted" big brothers.  And he was pissed about something he read on my facebook page.

He was about to go into his "now, what you not gonna do is..." tirades...and I had to stop him.  I swear it wasn't me! LOL

Uh uh uh...nah... you slipped back into this whole..

I'm telling you!!! It wasn't me... I didn't...

Now listen...now you listen to me...

What was he mad about? LOL...I mean foaming off at the mouth mad about? LOL

THIS:  "Given the state of marriage these days, why get married? (from a reader)"



#4 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend, @CLTGeechie looks at the male psyche of a married chef, husband, father, minister and what he thinks about the importance of marriage.

Today's Guy: S. Starks aka @cltgeechie
How I know him: We met at work and eventually became friends. He keeps me on my spiritual toes.
Relationship status: Married with kids.

So I hit my "spiritual brotha" up after one of my readers asked me to pose a question about marriage. She asked me if I'd ask the question about why so many marriages aren't working, after receiving info that some of her friends were divorcing.  That isn't his wedding in the photo, it is from a coworker's wedding I attended.

The kitchen may be the most seductive room in the house.  There is something oh so stimulating about experimenting in the kitchen.  If you've ever watched Down Home With The Neelys on
FoodTV, you know what I'm talking about.  Pat and Gina Neely make the kitchen sassy, spicy and sometimes downright sensual!  The chemistry between the two is amazing!  These days it seems that people are afraid of the kitchen.  Everyone wants to dine out. You may just be missing out on the hottest experience in your romantic life.



Come into the kitchen with me...

Natural Connections was founded by 3 leaders of SC Natural Hair Groups


Tiffany Reeves- LowCountry Natra-Gals- Charleston SC

Marci Toliver- Coily Encounters -Greenville SC

Shannon Rivers Capital City Natural Girls - Columbia SC

They participate in a movement called Coils for a Cause, with each group sponsoring different charities.

On Saturday November 13th, Natural Connections will host a Queen City Natural Hair Affair with a portion of the proceeds going to Harvest House Food Bank in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Mmmmm food.  I love it. I mean, I love food as much as I love shoes. Italian food is my favorite.  I've heard from some guys that when they go out with women, the ladies either eat like birds OR order the most expensive thing on the menu.

Have you ever done that? Maybe it is first date jitters. Or you don't want the dude to feel like you're a greedy pig.  Me? Shoooot. I get it in. If you don't like the way I eat, don't take me to a place where I like the food. lol

But something I don't understand really is ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.  I mean what if you get something like tadpole tails or some snake skin soaked in red wine....all because you were trying to be fancy at some French spot?  C'est la vie! lol

What do yall think? Do you eat like you're hungry when you're on a date? Fellas does it bother you when a lady can grub? LOL

#3 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend, Garon, looks at the male psyche of a young educator regarding dating in a "Hip Hop Society." 


Name: Garon Morman aka @KinGee7
Occupation: 26 year old NC A&T alum, middle school teacher, coach and grad student
How I know him: He followed me on Twitter
What we talked about: "Dating in a Hip Hop Society" the video you see below:

Ok ladies.  This is just for fun.  And gents you can chime in too.  Ladies, which costume best describes you in the dating/relationship world.  Or are you a combination of a few?  Guys, which costumes do you prefer in a lady?

The Nun: You are practical and devout.  Loyal to no end. You are mature and modest in every aspect of your relationship. For you, your guy comes second only to the man upstairs.  You may be a little prudish at times, but once he passes the test, he'll see what lies beneath the robe.














The Devil:  Fiesty and sneaky.  You look to lure your prey in with tricks and appeals to their temptations.  You are alluring and you use your sex appeal as a weapon.  When he falls out of line, you whip him back into shape. Your first thoughts are your pleasure, he is there to serve you.


The Alluring Angel:  You are sweet and attractive.  You know how to catch a man's eye, and you want to keep his heart.  Your thoughts and your love are pure.  You're a nurturer, so you desi…