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Showing posts from August, 2014

'Everything I did wrong in my twenties'

The other day, a colleague looked at me with bewilderment when I told  her my age. (Hey E!)
I can most times appear younger than I am...which is a good thing. Not that I'm old...even though I don't believe 30 is the new 20.

Anyway...that's an aside to my point. I  have fallen in love with this new web series about a lady named Stephanie who, in her 30s, has all of these woulda coulda shoulda moments...and often flashes back to the decisions she made in her 20s.

I would lie and say I have no regrets from my 20s...but I'm not one for living off of lies. There are many things I would have done differently had I had 30-something wisdom in my twenties. For one...I would have lived healthier and not given into so many indulgences. I spent the latter part of my twenties trying to lose the weight brought on by a lot of eating and trying to recover from life's let downs.

I  would  have started this blog back in my twenties..lol...it probably would have been extremely livel…

Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships: THE COMPROMISE

If you read the previous two blogs (here and here), you've seen both sides of the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship debate. There are those of us who feel that type of relationship is best left for adolescence. Then there are those who feel that type of relationship is the only precursor for marriage.

So which side is "right"? 

Honestly, it does not matter who you feel is more right or less right. The truth is...as you seek out the relationship that is best for you...it may be with someone who falls on the opposite side of your stance on the debate.

But what does it matter?

The only thing that matters is whether or not you're able to get beyond your differences and carve out a space that works for the two people in the relationship. Both people come in with needs, fears, insecurities, wants, wishes, hopes, requirements...blah blah blah.

Some people think you cannot get to know a person for long-term relationship status without  preliminary commitment. I happen to not…

Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships are 'the test-drive for matrimony'

You didn't think I would just leave the topic with the final statement in the last blog post did you? There's always an opposing view that should also garner some attention. I like to give both sides of  a discussion because no two people think exactly alike. Nor is every viewpoint the only way to address an issue.

Some people fervently believe that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are the only way to show your ability to commit, to be faithful, to support and address insecurities another might have. Here's a response I received from my question on the importance of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships:

That relationship is what I call the "test drive of matrimony its what you have to do before you make a commitment you have to know if your a good fit will this endeavor drain your wallet in expenses and in some cases despite bad reviews from other will you still take a chance....#verynecessary
Typically when your in the BF/GF stage you are generally in it with the inte…

'Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships are for high school'

Yesterday, I had a discussion with four people about the nature and importance of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. The four, two guys and two gals, had vastly different viewpoints on the subject. Two of the four, one guy and one gal, agreed with my perspective. The other two strongly did not.

Let me explain something...if you read my book (available from Lulu for 25% off today with discount code: TWODAY14), you will see much of my viewpoint on boyfriend-girlfriend relationships that I won't go into here. Quite frankly, I've never given a lot of credence to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.

One of the gals I asked said, "Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships are for high school." I wholeheartedly agree. I don't understand a marriage-minded adult person committing to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Until you are engaged...you're still on the market. Otherwise you're in a  pseudo-commitment holding pattern...and for what exactly? In high school, for …

YBBG writing process

Several years ago, I decided to write a book. It wasn't to achieve fame or to even have anyone know my name. Quite frankly, I wanted to remain anonymous...unseen...unknown.

These days people may think I am one for the spotlight. I'm not at all. That's why you don't see me in a lot of pictures. Heck, my picture isn't even on or in my latest book. This book isn't about me...it's about acknowledging, dealing, and healing.  I was clearly just a vessel.

Yes, it sounds all sanctified...but not really...but kinda. In the process of me writing this book, I matured. I grew up.  I reconnected with my old self...spiritually, mentally, and physically. I formed this amazing relationship with God that I never realized could exist. It's kinda like I went from just fearing God to befriending God.

Writing about myself was excruciatingly difficult. Uncovering old memories had me in tears which impeded my flow...I started writing this book thinking I was going to tell so…

Up From Slavery with Bill Cosby: Everything has a back story

In my book, I write that everything has a backstory. And I make "Back Story" one word. To me "BackStory" is one word because it is one thing. If other people can form compound words, why can't I? That's something I told my AP English teacher when she would giggle about my creation of new words. Well heck...if Miriam Webster can give things meanings...what is there to stop me from doing so? Absolutely NOTHING.

Some people have found my "I do what I want" attitude offensive. I don't see the point in backing down unless not doing so will be futile. I have never felt inferior to anyone...no matter his or her position or station in life. (I once had a senior lawyer try to punk me after I did something she did not like...and  trust and believe it did not go how she felt it would go.) Inferiority is taught.  My folks taught  me to never  be or feel inferior, either passively or forthrightly. (Someone somewhere is teaching a child he or she has to be …

10 Ways to get out of the dog house

So you've stepped in some ish and your sweetie is pissed!!! The idea for this post comes from someone I know. He shall remain anonymous.
It goes like this...guy meets girl and she has his nose open. He usually avoided relationships because he just wasn't ready. This particular lady had him feeling different, but as with anything there are levels to becoming relationship ready. 
Most people don't acknowledge the fact that there is a timeframe in a new relationship where you are slowly cutting ties with old relationships...it's that danger zone where you're unsure of the new and having a hard time wiping the slate clean of the old.
That's what happened with this guy. He got a message from an old flame that he was still cool with... Our of sheer boredom he entertained her texting flirtation only to have her flip it on him and  seek out to dismantle his new situation by snitching.
He was devastated...and the new lady put her foot down and was having no parts of his she…

First book interview

Online Music Radio at Blog Talk Radio with Independent Everything on BlogTalkRadio


So I had my first book interview and it was fun. I was contacted by Franz and spoke with Nakia of the show Independent Everything on Blog Talk Radio. They are centrally music focused, but hi-light independent businesses. I'm used to interviewing people, but not used to being interviewed.

I sent Nakia the review copy of my manuscript and she read over two hundred pages in a couple of days and only had 100 pages left! She said she's an avid reader. She gave great perspective and asked detailed questions about some of the chapters.  I was thrilled to hear that she couldn't put the book down! Wow!

Franz hit me with the real deal questions "Are you single?" and "Are you gay?" I stumbled with the first question LMBO...only because I rarely tell anyone outside of people who know me about my dating situation. I will say this...as I told him... I  am unmarried. :)

As for the seco…