Friendships: Choose wisely
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| Real Housewives of Atlanta costars Kandi Burruss and Phaedra Parks' friendship implodes. |
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| 2017 Friendship Tips by HK |
People toss the word "friend" around too freely and then wonder how they end up falling apart, realizing that they had the kind of "friend" who was never an actual friend but just ended up in the same place at the same time. Friendship, for me, is that we both actually care that the other makes it through and sometimes we may even make sacrifices for each other to see that our friend is good. It isn't necessarily about where that friend can take you or you him/her, it's the concern that no matter where you end up, the friend has your back and you his/hers.
FIRST RULE OF FRIENDSHIP: Do you no harm.
Like any relationship, friendships aren't supposed to cause you pain and suffering. Yes, misunderstandings happen and hurt feelings occur, but a true friend will not take actions to cause you harm. That means a friend will not disparage your name, lie on you, operate dishonestly with you or seek to become your competition.
SECOND RULE OF FRIENDSHIP: Have your back.
Friends hold each other down and are dependable. In having your back, your friend will be an addition to your life, not a subtraction. Hangers on are not friends. I always like to use LeBron James as an example. LeBron has his friends as part of his management team. These guys actually work to add to James' bottom line. He doesn't have a group of male groupies from his old hood just hanging around to get access to what he's earned. They bring something other than a good time and trouble to the table...that way everyone contributes and everyone eats. Folks hanging around who are just eating off of you will watch you starve as they get fat. Those folks aren't your friends.
THIRD RULE OF FRIENDSHIP: Keep it 💯
A friend takes time to understand you, hear you out, make critiques in love... not to tear you down. Friends are honest with you and don't play you sideways. True friends are vulnerable with each other and protective of their bond. They do not have to fake it to make it and realize each party to the friendship is an individual, not a clone. They honor and respect each person's need for autonomy (individualism and free space to grow) and know that the friendship goes beyond a persons growth and development. When a friend can no longer thrive within the dynamics of the friendship, the friendship dynamics can adapt. Time and space do not change a friend into an enemy, it just adjusts the structure of the friendship. And that is okay.
I wrote this particular blog because a hot topic in the uber superficial social media sphere is the fallout from the break up of Kandi and Phaedra's friendship on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Real Housewives of Atlanta is one of my TV watching guilty pleasures. As with all reality TV, I see the entertainment in it, more so than believing the "reality" of it. Sure, these people purport to give audience a free pass at voyeurism, but it is hard to believe that anyone would truly allow you to see that deeply into their lives. Plus with edits and re-shoots, it is difficult to get a clear picture of what really goes on behind the scenes.
What does often come through, however, are the personalities of the subjects and some glimpses at their individual character. On the show, I believe Cynthia and Kandi reveal more of their real lives than the other ladies. I believe Kenya shows some but not all and I definitely don't believe she ever lets the audience see into the gamut of her real life. From the beginning, I felt like the show was just another acting gig for her and she's playing a role and not taking it too seriously. I actually think Kenya is super private.
I have felt from the get go that Phaedra is the original Joanne the Scammer and Porsha and Sheree are there for the check.
That said, the end of Kandi and Phaedra's "friendship" did not come as a surprise to me. I never thought they were BFFs. I thought they happened to be at the same place at the same time and clicked. Nothing more, nothing less. Some people you just click with and it isn't as deep as it seems. However, people confuse clicking with true friendship and treat the clique (intentional change of words) in the same way they would treat a friendship.
Cliques are for good times and commraderie, they are not for confiding in or bearing your soul to. I'm sorry...some members of your clique ain't about 💩and you all know it! Cliques are good for a ki-ki, but you can't trust them to always keep it 💯, have your back or do you no harm.
If all you have is a clique and you don't have real friends, ask yourself what kind of friend you have been and have sought out. Sometimes it is best to role solo if a person cannot be a true friend to you or you to him/her. Check out Hassan K's friendship tips above and handle yourselves accordingly.
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