Dating games...when every player loses
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| Has dating become so complicated that coupling is becoming impossible? |
My perception: These two people are dating scared scarred. I do not know how they met...but I see that they are at the space between having a few communications and planning an initial date. Both seem to have a wall up. Clearly this is a snippet of a convo that they were already having... The guy mentions that he has already made a "meet and greet" suggestion prior to the lady saying, "If you want to see me, plan a date worth having."
There is a chapter in my book where I address "money matters" in the whole dating, relating and mating cycle. People tend to put too much strain on this initation process. I do not personally believe in women paying for dates. I'm honest about that. I do not believe in it, nor will I begin to believe in it. I understand that people feel differently, and I think that is their prerogative.
That said, I do not believe in costly, fancy, or extravagant first dates. I believe those dates should be reserved for special coupledom time. I find it ridiculous to spend money on unnecessary things. Getting to know someone should not cause financial strain...
However, you can have an impressive first date without spending a lot of money. You could even have a first date that is coffee without it coming off like a "cheap date." What makes a date impressive is paying attention to the person you're asking out in the initial conversations, being creative and respectful.
I believe the two people in the exchange above entered into the dating pool with their pasts at the forefront. It is very likely that the woman has experienced dealing with men who put no effort into getting to know her, and treated her extremely casually. It is equally likely that the man has come out of his pocket multiple times for women whom had no desire to see past being impressed by dates he planned. Both may have wasted time attempting to get to know people before and come out disappointed.
Although I am not currently a participant in the dating market, I see the perspective of both people in the Instagram text exchange. Both could have gone about it in a much more productive way. Instead of setting this up as a screening process, as he blatantly did, he could have genuinely listened for clues as to what she's into and planned an inexpensive date accordingly.
She did not ask him for an extravagant date...she just asked him to plan a date. That was not a negative thing.
When he suggested coffee, she could have suggested a mom and pop coffee shop in an area that had other things to do. Had the "meet and greet" gone well, they could have easily continued the date doing other things.
I posted this "dating games" screenshot on FB in a few places, and received some interesting commentary. All of the women were "negative" about the woman in the scenario. A couple of the men were "negative," one was on the woman's side completely and a few were on the fence, seeing both sides.
I was not suprised by the responses from the women...which were:
But the responses from the men, may suprise you:
Ultimately, if you are incapable of dating with a mind free and clear and an opened heart, why are you dating? The game playing leads to nowhere. The fear keeps you locked into a place that you really do not want to dwell.
IF you are just in it for the entertainment and have no desire for anything else, it is easy to be upfront about that and to only deal with likeminded daters. If what you want is more...you have to stop dating scared.
@YBBG_Blog on Twitter and use hashtag #YBBGTopic for more interesting discussions.
Check out YBBG on Facebook.
I believe the two people in the exchange above entered into the dating pool with their pasts at the forefront. It is very likely that the woman has experienced dealing with men who put no effort into getting to know her, and treated her extremely casually. It is equally likely that the man has come out of his pocket multiple times for women whom had no desire to see past being impressed by dates he planned. Both may have wasted time attempting to get to know people before and come out disappointed.
Although I am not currently a participant in the dating market, I see the perspective of both people in the Instagram text exchange. Both could have gone about it in a much more productive way. Instead of setting this up as a screening process, as he blatantly did, he could have genuinely listened for clues as to what she's into and planned an inexpensive date accordingly.
She did not ask him for an extravagant date...she just asked him to plan a date. That was not a negative thing.
When he suggested coffee, she could have suggested a mom and pop coffee shop in an area that had other things to do. Had the "meet and greet" gone well, they could have easily continued the date doing other things.
I posted this "dating games" screenshot on FB in a few places, and received some interesting commentary. All of the women were "negative" about the woman in the scenario. A couple of the men were "negative," one was on the woman's side completely and a few were on the fence, seeing both sides.
I was not suprised by the responses from the women...which were:
But the responses from the men, may suprise you:
Ultimately, if you are incapable of dating with a mind free and clear and an opened heart, why are you dating? The game playing leads to nowhere. The fear keeps you locked into a place that you really do not want to dwell.
IF you are just in it for the entertainment and have no desire for anything else, it is easy to be upfront about that and to only deal with likeminded daters. If what you want is more...you have to stop dating scared.
@YBBG_Blog on Twitter and use hashtag #YBBGTopic for more interesting discussions.
Check out YBBG on Facebook.
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