Refuse to be a girlfriend...if you want to be a wife

Are you always on his back begging for commitment?

I think boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are stupid. Yes...it is cute for high school and maybe even your early twenties...but after a certain point, it just seems really silly for grown people to be in these situation-ships. Particularly for people who actually want to be married.

It is one thing if you do not believe in marriage, and boyfriend-girlfriend is the highest level of commitment you intend on making, but it is a whole other ball game when your desire is to be a spouse.

People are literally running around in pseudo-marriages for years on end...with all of the duties and responsibilities of marriage and none of the benefits. Let me reiterate, I am talking about people who want to be married.

I do not care what anyone says, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are not "practice for marriage." There is no such thing as a test-drive for marriage. Once you exchange vows, everything changes. You cannot date someone long enough to ensure that he/she will always be committed to you, always love you, always be honest, will never hurt you, will always take care of you...

So what exactly is the point of the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship?

My homeboy absolutely hates when I say this...but for as long as he has known me...I have pretty much felt this way...as my homegirl said yesterday: I AM TOO OLD TO BE ANYONE'S GIRLFRIEND! (Hmmmm that means I've been too old since the age of 20... LOL). The most you will ever hear from me is: I am seeing someone. That may be the same someone or a different someone or more than one someone...seriously.

Yesterday, a guy friend of my aforementioned homegirl, posted a link to an article that hit home for me and her:

I Refused to Be Exclusive Until He Proposed By Sami Wunder 

Sami, I'm with you girl! But not in the sense of seeking marriage in every dating-ship. Honestly, I never sought marriage in any dating-ship because marriage was not my desire. I am a self-proclaimed and life lived free spirit. In that respect, I also never saw the point in becoming bound to someone through "girlfriend-ship," either. I have been a "girlfriend" a few times, but admittedly never saw the value in it.

If I am going to be tied to a man, it will have to be a substantive tying to...meaning we both want to be tied down and the tying will have to have a level of permanence, spiritual strength and legal weight. Otherwise...why am I going to take on the duties and responsibilities that come with being a wife...when all I am is a girlfriend? Chile please!

To me, dating is just for entertainment purposes. I will entertain you, whilst you entertain me... Whilst we are entertaining, we discover whether or not we are compatible. We discover what we like, don't like, can handle and cannot handle. You spend that time learning the person's character. You build a bond, but you do not make permanent life altering decisions with this person without substantive plans to marry.

I do not have to have exclusive, fully committed ties to you to discover what type of person you are. As a matter of fact, I feel like it is easier to see the true character of a person when you are not putting on the layers that come with being boyfriend-girlfriend.

If we are just dating...you will not get my:

• Exclusive time and attention
• Complete selflessness
• Full-time caretaking
• Full affection and intimacy
• All access support and listening ear
• Loyalty over everyone else

This may not make sense to a lot of people...actually, I know it does not make sense to a lot of people. How is it even possible to go from nothing to fiancee to spouse?

Let's take it back to the old school. Although I do not idolize or fantasize about the relationships of old, I do believe they had something right. You do not put claims on anyone unless a marriage is on the table. These folks went from meeting to observing to courting to engagement. There weren't these long drawn out boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.  Women had suitors until one of the men put marriage on the table, and it was then and only then that she cut the other dudes off.


I do not know when the shift happened. When did the change happen where women started begging and pleading with men to make them an "honest woman"? When did women start running behind men begging to be "claimed"/"chose"? I swear the way people move these days is downright ridiculous.


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