Proverbs 31: The Masculine Woman and modern dating
Dusting off this blog to get some things off my chest. I started this blog over a decade ago as a 30ish-chick in a new city, working and figuring things out. At that time, I was a youngish lawyer and a professional relationship columnist.
The landscape of relationship advice has changed so much in that time. It went from talking to couples about having healthy relationships with a spirit of couples therapy...and telling singles how to love themselves and attract what/who they want... to, now, people commodifying insecurities and demonizing women and men while bastardizing religion for likes and views on social media.
I had a funny conversation with this dude on Twitter. He was espousing this view of the dainty feminine biblical wife. His notion was of this soft, submissive Proverbs 31 woman.
The only thing is... the Proverbs 31 woman of the Bible was nothing like that. She was physically strong because she did manual labor. She had her own money, she bought her own land, she looked after her family, yes, but she also had a voice. Nowhere in the text does it speak of her having to ask her husband to do anything. That chick was I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T with a heart for the Lord. For that, her husband praised her. He had a godly wife who could handle business without stressing him to death. Some might say he had a partner in life!
Let me keep it funky. I am not a feminine woman. I'm just not, nor will I ever be. I am very much a lady. You have to understand that the nature of my existence came in the form of being raised around menfolk who took care of me but did not treat me like I was a dainty flower. I move in male dominated circles and don't feel out of place. I have a sharp tongue, I do not look at men as any wiser than women. I am not "submissive," I am diplomatic. I spar verbally with guys all the time, on some iron sharpens iron type stuff. I get a kick out of it. I'm also caring, big hearted, a listener, compassionate and nurturing. That, to me, is what womanhood is about...being a whole and complete person in your own skin.
That is my norm. It does not have to be anyone else's norm. Nor does anyone have to like it. I'm a tall, thick woman. Not small and petite. I cannot tell you when I last saw 120 lbs... I was probably in middle school. But guess what, I have dated all kinds of "high value" men, athletes, business men, blue collar workers, dudes with and without degrees...90% over 6ft tall. 90% physically fit (while I was not LOL). 95% treated me very well. Most wanted marriage and a family, I just did not want it when they did. There was absolutely nothing they could have done to change how I felt because it had nothing to do with any of them as individuals.
I am in a relationship, but cannot tell you how to be in your own. There's no real magic formula. Finding a romantic relationship is like finding a friendship. There will be something that attracts you to the person and the person to you. You will either be open to getting to know the person or you will not. You will express what you value and the person will listen and oblige or not.
People try to convince you that there is more to it than that. You should have a filter for what you will or will not accept in a person and in that person's treatment of you. I think that is pretty simple. Reciprocity should also be in the mix. How you get there is your business. If you think a man should pay for dates...only date men who pay for dates. That will not be every man. If you feel a woman should be feminine and dainty, only date those kind of women. That will not be every woman. People are allowed to be who they are over who you want them to be.
Relationship "experts" and social media stars lie to you and beat down on your insecurities, tap into your fear, and hold your hostility hostage to make money. That's it and that's all. Yes, Kevin Samuels did it. Andrew Tate does it (or did...cause he's still in the clinks). Cynthia G does it...all those iterations of the Pink/Soft life chicks do it and that crying Peterson dude does it.
A person, man or woman, is who he or she is. You can try your best to contort and morph into what you believe a person desires, but it is only fool's gold. If the change is not an evolution of you as a person and is just you switching up to get who/what you want, trust me your true nature will pop out when you least expect it.
There are still human beings who look for human experiences that aren't driven by social media fads and what some other lonely hearted person is influencing you to believe. Try tapping into real life relationship building and get away from all these movements, if you want to see movement in your own love life.
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