THE STRUGGLE: But what if I don't want a broke(n) dude?

"If one more person tells me to think of his potential and in the

same breath says 'you can't bank on potential'
my head will explode! Shut up already!"

What sistas are thinking

So I received the below message from a successful go-getter of a sista. And I knew immediately where she was coming from:

Just saw your article about be careful from whom you receive relationship advice!...weren't we talking about this before regarding Steve Harvey? I got a chuckle out of that. I also cannot stand that black women are "required" according to these experts to lower their reasonable standards (ie, education, good credit). I think that we are probably the only race of folks that promote "settling" for a life mate.

People relentlessly deliver mixed messages to Black women about love. One minute they tell us: I don't want you if you weren't shootin' in the gym with me.  The next minute they tell us: You oughta raise your standards and get with a "Carlton" type brotha.

You tell sistas they have to "work with a brotha", and help him become the man she wants him to be. But then you tell her she should accept him where he is and not try to change a man. Ummm...which is it? If a sista focuses solely on the "Carlton" types...she's labeled a golddigger. If she goes for the "struggling" brothas, she's a fool. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!

via GIPHY

No...it is not just about money or material things. What about goals, ambitions and achievements...responsibilities...strength....determination? Striving instead of always struggling? Meeting a sista where she's at versus telling her to come down to where you are? Good gracious!!

You always want the sistas to end up with the dude in the jumpsuit who magically becomes the owner of the shop versus the guy who is the owner of the shop when she meets him. Why?

In other cultures marriage is dependent upon men having their stuff together. I had this colleague who happens to be Indian. He wants a wife but wanted to make sure he could afford to have one and had all his stuff together before he presented himself to her or her family. Sounds right to me.

THE SIDE EYE

Potential is what you should look for they say... They say it should not matter what struggle the man is in as long as he has PO-TEN-TIAL... 


That goes back to my sista-friend's point. Why are Black women looked down upon for desiring a mate who is stable, sensible, practical, dependable, and reliable...and has demonstrated all of those things through his life's decisions? You know... he has paid attention to his credit score, managed his finances, held education in high esteem, gone after what he wanted, controlled his sperm (READ: Is not on child support).

Look...sistas are tired of being told they're single because they have astronomical standards... Those standards are only astronomical if you have made ZERO attempts at being a grown and responsible adult. What's wrong with getting some schooling...yes it will cost you some money...but so do luxury cars, trips to the DR and fresh Js. Why do you have a problem with being financially responsible? It will save you a headache in the long run.

Why is no one telling brothas to rise to the standards sistas have, instead of screaming at sistas to not have them?! Everyone keeps telling sistas to "work with a brotha who has potential" instead of telling brothas to offer more than PO-TEN-TIAL!

They keep telling sistas they oughta just settle for the man who treats her right even if he makes minimum wage. Why can't he treat her right and bring that minimum up to his own maximum potential? What's wrong with that requirement?

The decay in Black Love comes from the fact that we tell little girls to achieve and little boys to feel defeated. So young women go out and get it and young men come up with a reason as to why they can't get it. But you want to blame the sistas for wanting more out of he brothas instead of blaming the brothas for not having more to give?

Maybe sistas are single because brothas ain't gathered the sense and strength to leave the struggle alone and go towards success? Sistas don't want to fix nobody anymore...

Maybe brothas should start asking: Who deserves me at my best?

Instead of: Who will accept me at my worst?

*If it don't apply to you, don't take it to heart. If it does apply to you...write it down...take a picture...journal it and make some changes in your life. I don't want to hear your foolishness...but if you want to say it anyway....leave it in the comments...

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