Surviving Compton told us a lot about domestic violence
 |
| Surviving Compton: Lessons on Domestic Violence |
This year, I was at a loss. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I honestly did not know what else to do. For two years now, statistics have shown a decrease in domestic violence. DV stats are populated from a variety of sources including police reports, hospital reports, and self reporting through the use of DV shelters and services.
Statistics are a funny thing...they are helpful in gaining a global perspective of an issue, but the real deep part is meeting those who experience the issue beyond the numbers...face to face...and having the conversation about what they've been through and why.
This brings me to Michel'le's biopic on Lifetime: Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel’le.
The central focus of this film is Michel'le's toxic and abusive relationship with Andre Young (popularly known as Dr. Dre) and her relationship with World Class Wreckin' Crew, NWA and Death Row Records. Dr. Dre is apparently suing over the release of the film.
Most of us know that Michel'le can SANG. I actually heard her live last week. Many had heard the rumors of Dr. Dre using Michel'le as a punching bag back in the day, as well. I learned much of that from watching R&B Divas LA.
She was a victim before Dre ever hit her
Michel'le grew up in a home where domestic violence was not only normalized, but, in a weird way, celebrated. Her grandmother was on some "If he ain't beating you, he don't love you," type of stuff. Truth be told, that logic isn't as uncommon as we would like to believe.
If you ever pay attention to some of the passing stories you hear from the ladies who reared you, you will come to realize that abuse has been around for a long time and it was just called something else.
After watching Surviving Compton, I said I wished I could time travel and bring a hot pot of grits to Michel'le. Another lady chimed in with "And a hot skillet!" Have you ever heard stories of hot grits and cast iron skillets?
It may have come off as comical in this Tyler Perry production...but a lot of us growing up down south have heard at least one or two stories about hot grits and cast iron skillets. The stories didn't click for me until I got older...then it dawned on me: THEY REPRESENTED SELF DEFENSE AND RETRIBUTION.
Too many, for far too long, have suffered abuse and the shock waves of the abuse travel down the umbilical cord and into the systems of children. Those children become adults who are more likely to go down that same dark path and reproduce more of the same down the line.
It's like serving poison to the children and calling it nutrition. Michel'le saw her mother get abused and vowed that she'd never let a man hit her. Her grandmother, Meme, gave her "love and correction" by telling her that a man beating a woman was just the way it is. The women in her family encouraged her to shape-shift and try to do things to make the man not want to hit her.
I've even heard women say things about relationships like: "Well, as long as he don't beat her, I guess they are alright." EXCUSE ME? I'm sorry...but not being hit is not the base line for what is acceptable in relationships. That is poison. Being abused should not be an anticipated thing.
How about: As long as he respects her, himself, their relationship and treats her well (and she him), they will be alright ? Abuse is more than physically hitting someone. I knew someone who never hit his significant other until the day he killed her.
The poison doesn't just come from the direction of men being abusers and women abused, either. Domestic violence encompasses a lot of actions taken by toxic people male and female,. Yelling and breaking things, threatening, stalking, harassing, etc. are all parts of domestic violence.
Your whole life, as a child is shaped by the choices the adults around you make, until you mature and break free.
Impact on Children
Imagine being a child and being awakened by thunderous yells of your parents arguing, so much so that you cannot sleep at night. Then you have to get up and go to school the next day, and pretend that your life at home is just like everyone else's.
Or, you don't get nurtured because one parent is too busy recovering from being abused and the other is absent. How might a child develop through that?
Abusing someone is like spraying a neighborhood with bullets from an automatic weapon. You will maim and kill people who weren't even an original part of the conflict. Children are especially vulnerable.
From The National Child Traumatic Stress Network:
Short-Term Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Children’s immediate reactions to domestic violence may include:
|
Long-Term Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Long-term effects, especially from chronic exposure to domestic violence, may include:
|
Generational Curse
Surviving Compton showed us that domestic violence is a generational curse. Children look to their caregivers for life sustaining tools. That means coping tools, decision-making tools, conflict resolving tools, love tools, nurturing tools, emotional and psychological tools, and so on and so forth.
Caregivers define the perspectives of their charges in how they relate to the world. How caregivers talk about love, define love, and act out love gets scorched into the hearts, minds and spirits of children.
When all of those lessons come from a place of toxicity...then toxicity is what is bred into children and their offspring, until someone breaks the curse.
Not all victims die
People tend not to think of the gravity of domestic violence unless someone dies or they see them bruised and battered. There is a scene in Surviving Compton where Michel'le shows up for a show with a beaten face. The manager of Ruthless Records insists on her getting help and staying away from Dr. Dre. It wasn't her first beating or the first time the affects of the beatings were seen. She was with Dr. Dre for something like nine years.
Not all victims are poor chicks from impoverished areas either.
Take for instance Molly Brown, the ex-wife of former NY Giant's kicker, Josh Brown. According to reports, she had been a victim of abuse for years. She also confided in others about the abuse. Like most DV victims, Molly is still alive, but the effects of the abuse doesn't necessarily end when the abuse ends.
Abuse can be prolonged without escalating to death or even repeated broken bones. The violence is about control, lack of control, and terrorism. Many people see it, know it is going on, and treat it more like a nuisance than a serious issue.
Outside of death, much worse than the physical trauma of domestic violence is the psychological trauma. You end up with numbers of people walking around with PTSD. Even Michel'le's voice may be a sign of her childhood trauma. She said she did not speak until she was five years old.
BE AWARE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DOES NOT JUST LEAVE OPEN WOUNDS, IT CAUSES A COMMUNICABLE INFECTION THAT CAN PASS THROUGH MULTITUDES OF PEOPLE AND MANY GENERATIONS.
Follow @YBBG_Blog on Twitter and use hashtag #YBBGTopic for more interesting discussions.
Check out YBBG on Facebook.
Comments