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'But the ladies, they're supposed to be silent...'

'But the ladies, they're supposed to be silent...'

Controversies tend to abound when Jameis Winston's around. Mainly because of situations he's placed himself in coupled with positive and negative expectations people have placed on him based on his status as a big personality in the game of football. Yesterday, Winston made a grand statement to elementary school children that was supposed to be about self-esteem and empowerment. It went left.





It started off fine, Jameis spoke to a classroom of fifth graders, and led off leading them in a chant: "I can do anything I put my mind to." When Jameis saw some of the boys slumped down and falling asleep, this happened:

From CNN:
"All my young boys, stand up. The ladies, sit down," Winston said. "But all my boys, stand up. We strong, right? We strong! We strong, right? All my boys, tell me one time: I can do anything I put my mind to. Now a lot of boys aren't supposed to be soft-spoken. You know what I'm saying? One day y'all are going to have a very deep voice like this (in deep voice). One day, you'll have a very, very deep voice.
"But the ladies, they're supposed to be silent, polite, gentle. My men, my men (are) supposed to be strong. I want y'all to tell me what the third rule of life is: I can do anything I put my mind to. Scream it!"

One of my first loves is currently in ICU. I spent the weekend with him...talking to him...sitting and watching him. I even brought my book with me to read to him. I never opened it because I was taken aback by his condition.

Lying in that hospital bed was my uncle. I write extensively about his impact on my life and "tomboy" upbringing. Growing up, he was one of the many male figures in my life who encouraged me to have a strong and mighty persona and a voice. I was empowered to never take a backseat to anyone, no matter the gender.


Even though my dad used to say this "girls are supposed to..." stuff, it was more like reverse psychology. I was not raised to buy into male-female segregation that emboldens the notion of women being weaker vessels and men being stupid vessels. My friendships and associations always included both men and women of varying personalities. I'm actually quite used to, and comfortable with, navigating circles where there are guys who speak like Jameis, act like Jameis, and have been reared to believe the crux of the inarticulate statement that Jameis expressed. (Many women as well...)

Jane McManus @janesports said that at 23, Jameis Winston should have self-awareness and know how it looks when he makes certain comments. I do not believe that is true. His brain hasn't even fully formed the prefrontal cortex, rational portion required for judgment, yet, scientifically speaking. Self-awareness is not something that just happens either. You have to work to develop it. You have to stretch yourself beyond your most comfortable circles and submit yourself to people and situations unlike those you are most familiar with.

Jameis expressed something that many are brought up to believe and beholden to: "Boys are supposed to be ____. Girls are supposed to be ____. " It does not matter what you fill in the blank with...it's all a lie. The "supposed to be" part makes it all a lie. People are different and being different does not make you greater than or less than. Gender is not the greatest thing that defines that difference. There are a multitude of characteristics and influences that define differences. Gender definitely plays a part, but does not trump everything else.

SILENCE IS NOT AN IMMUTABLE CONDITION...


I could go off about how men are always trying to silence women...but I do not believe that to be true. Silence is not an immutable condition...it is a choice. Just because someone tells you something, it does not mean you have to believe it, buy into it, and behave like it is your condition going forward. No one person should have that kind of power over your life. So, no, I'm not going to fly off the wall and label Jameis a mysoginistic so and so. I see this as a teachable moment.

At an early age, I learned that my gender did not prohibit me from being all of who I am. I was strong, physically and mentally. My father encouraged me to do any and everything I put my mind toward. I was soft spoken when I needed to be, and loud and brash when I needed to be. I was polite, most of the time, but if you crossed me, I could chin check you without moving a finger. Yet sometimes, I also was at the ready to bust someone in the mouth. (I do not advocate violence, but I do advocate self-defense...). Being silent when necessary is important for both genders. You cannot fully assess situations if you spend all of your time trying to be heard. Being polite and gentle are also necessary attributes for both genders. You gain that knowledge the more self-aware you become. (Running around all the time like a bull in a china shop will cause a lot of damage to yourself and others.)

Because of my upbringing, whenever I ran into someone who tried to put me in a box, I was able to recognize what they were doing and check it...for myself...without always requiring the assistance of others. Yet, there were times I had to call on my squad...we all have vulnerabilities...no matter our gender. Needing someone did not make me a weakened vessel...it made me a vessel who needed help like we all do.

Apparently, there was a little girl in the room who had a similar upbringing to mine. According to BET:

To that latter part about how girls are supposed to be, Melrose speech language pathologist Bonnie Volland told the newspaper that "one of the girls turned around and looked at me and said, 'I'm strong too.'"

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