Cheating rehab

Can you heal from a broken heart and stay with the heartbreaker?

He cheated. Your heart is in a thousand pieces, but he swears he will never do it again. Do you take him at his word, when he literally just told you how he screwed you over?

I do not have personal experience being in the position of taking a cheater back. I know just as many people who have been cheated on as I do cheaters. Plenty of folks have stayed together after infidelity. Some of the relationships are healthy...the others are hellacious. 

I never felt that the reason behind cheating was that complex. People cheat because they want to. Many reasons exist that make people want to cheat. People want to cheat when:

• They want commitment benefits, but don't want commitment responsibilities. 
• They struggle addressing their relationship issues.
• They are not having their desires and/or needs met in their relationship and choose to step outside of it instead of communicating effectively.
• They'd rather cheat than to leave.
• They never intended to be faithful.
• They put themselves in the position to give in to temptation. 
• They believe they can get away with it/do it without consequences. 

And many other reasons that you can find in this book.

One of my people hit me up with a question about relationships recovering from cheating.

Here it is:

YourBoyfriendsBestGirlfriend

February 2 at 10:52am · 

Haven't done this in awhile.. TOPIC (requested from a gent) Is it possible for a relationship to recover from infidelity? If no, why not. If yes, how?

Comments

W Yes its possible, but it won't be easy and will take time.

 February 2 at 11:13am

YourBoyfriendsBestGirlfriend He wants to know steps, things to do.

February 2 at 11:17am

W Why, he's the one that cheated?

 February 2 at 11:19am

YourBoyfriendsBestGirlfriend A friend of his.

February 2 at 11:38am

W Well, he'll need to speak with his wife and ask her what she would want him to do to try and repair the relationship. He'll need to show remorse and just be patient, because ultimately its up to her to determine if she'll forgive him or not.

 February 2 at 11:54am

YourBoyfriendsBestGirlfriend Do you think there are any steps the wife can take to help if she says she wants to work it out?

February 2 at 11:57am

W Just have an open mind and forgive him. It's just going to take time.

February 2 at 11:59am

MCC I think it depends on the circumstances of the cheating. That's the issue that needs to be addressed first. Depending on what it was the next step is counseling to repair it, if it can be fixed. But yes, I think it can be worked out if both parties are willing to do the work.

February 2 at 12:18pm

LB I think that that depends on many factors...The person's involved, the extent of the infidelity, the longevity of the relationship, etc.

February 2 at 4:03pm · Edited

ML Yes it can be worked out depending on circumstances of the prior relationship. If the cheater was abusive to the non-cheater. How long and why. Just because you got caught. Nothing will work until you talk to God. Both have to talk to God about future plans . Forgiveness must be genuine. Tell the truth.

February 2 at 6:15pm

ML You can work thru infidelity. But the cheater must be willing to change and show and prove the change. Broken heart's are hard to heal. When trust is broken it is not easy to trust again. You have to prove you can be trusted again. GOD can rebuild any marriage that last but God has to intervene.

in it.

 February 2 at 6:22pm

LW Depends on the couple. Wont be easy but if both parties want to try to make it work, it is possible.

February 2 at 8:42pm

YourBoyfriendsBestGirlfriend What must they do?

 February 2 at 8:56pm

LW Counseling will be a MUST; the infidelity will have to be discussed in full detail in order for them to move past it. Complete honesty; No secrets, no locks on phones, etc. Both parties will have to be an open book. Once they have gotten everything out in the open, the hardest thing will be putting it behind them. That means leaving it in the past, not bringing it up every time someone gets angry.

February 2 at 9:18pm

LW To me, if u truly love someone, u can get past anything with forgiveness, love, time and effort. People will make mistakes; its inevitable. But if u put in the work and take it one day at a time, they can move past it and make their relationship stronger than it ever was.

Basically, his homeboy cheated. The girlfriend took him back, but after a couple of months they homeboy is tired of the hoops and hurdles he's going through to regain his girlfriend's love, affection and trust.

To this dude I would say: Tough! You have to deal with it because you caused it. But how long is too long? That is a good question.

Cheating causes a tearing down of your relationship and everything it took to build it. So that means, in essence, you have to rebuild.

STEP ONE: STOP CHEATING

You're starting back at square one, somewhat. So you're getting to know each other again without the facade that you built the relationship with. You can no longer hide those things about yourself that caused you to cheat to begin with. You have to work to regain the trust that you broke. If that means giving up your privacy...so be it.

STEP TWO: OPEN UP AND LET GO

You have to be transparent and vulnerable. You both have to be humble and willing to admit your faults. You both have to feed the relationship more than you feed your egos or hurt feelings. The hurt person cannot use his/her hurt as a weapon or play the role of the victim for long periods of time.

STEP THREE: KNOW WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT DO
The hurt person must be honest about his/her ability to recover from the broken heart. Sometimes it just is not going to happen. Both people have to mend the insecurities that the cheating created.

STEP FOUR: PUT IN THE WORK
Basically...you have to be honest, work hard, and be patient.


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