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Curving or playing hard to get?

Will she curve you or play hard to get? Men cannot figure out when a woman
is interested. 
You meet someone... attractive, seemingly interesting and available. Everything is cool. You exchange numbers...and then the games begin.

The games...Who should call whom first? How long do you wait between number exchange and using the number? Is sending a text appropriate? How many texts are too many? What time do you call? What if you call and the other person does not answer? Should you immediately answer? What happens if you always answer? Do you seem too available? Are you not available enough? So on and so forth.

Within a couple of weeks of each other, two of my best guy friends hit me up to talk about the obstacles they face when first getting to know women these days.

Obstacle 1: The real you

He said: I woke up and did not know who I was lying beside. 

He also said: I had to let her dry cleaning bill was becoming too expensive and I had to keep buying new shirts.

Keep in mind he's an undiscovered comedian...but my one good friend tells me these stories about meeting women in his reality TV centered city, where nothing is ever what it seems.

From refusing to hug women so as to keep his laundry clean from all of the makeup gurus to watching women peel out of contraptions that kept them tucked and tight in clothes, he is having a hard time with the glam squads and the magic body shapers. She never felt comfortable showing him the real her beyond the M.A.C. and corsets.

Obstacle 2: Bad timing

He said: I called after hours and she went off. 

So both of my homeboys had this issue...Not knowing when to call. They had great first dates with the ladies they met respectively. Homeboy 1 was chopping it up with a lady for some weeks and she encouraged him to call and not shoot a text. They had different schedules and family obligations. When he didn't call for a couple days whilst hanging with his boys, he explained the absence and she said, "Call even if you're out with friends."

So one night he's out with his friends, he called to let her know he was out and wasn't ghosting her. It happened to be past midnight. She snapped and said she was a lady and she cannot believe he disrespected her by calling at such an hour. He was confused since they had spoken on the phone several times well into the wee hours of the morning. Any attempts at an explanation were rebuffed.

Obstacle 3: Fake busy

He said: She kept making plans and kept canceling them. 

He also said: Nobody is that D*** busy! 

Homeboy 2 meets this lady through work. She seemed to be into him and actually asked him out. The first time they were supposed to connect, she asked if they could postpone. Second makeup date, she stood him up. But she kept contacting him and kept making plans...and he tried to be easy about it, in the beginning, understanding the nature of her work. After one too many "busy" episodes, he cut her off. 

Are dating games just a way to hide what's going on inside?
Homeboy 2 feels like women make it too hard to get to know them, nowadays. He feels like women are too busy ducking and dodging their fears of being played that they turn into the players themselves.
You see women all over social media bragging about curving and ghosting guys, like it is the thing to do. -Homeboy 2

  1. When u been curving ***gas all year telling them u don't want a relationship right now then pop out with a boyfriend
  2. Me curving you is nothing's a hobby.
  3. Ig I should stop curving dudes! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I asked him whether or not some of the women are just trying to be coy and play hard to get. Homeboy 2 said the problem is you cannot tell. He feels like women are so busy trying to "play the game" that they forget how to show interest and recognize when someone is showing interest in them vs being "thirsty."

Homeboy 1 feels like women confuse having arbitrary dating rules with having standards. For example, if your standard is to not take calls beyond a certain hour, then do not create a norm where you are on the phone beyond that hour. The pattern you practice is more respected than the policy you claim to have after it is breached.

So what's the takeaway?

  • Men who have an initial interest in you want to know and see the real you (as do women want to know the real, not representative, man...). 
  • Standards are great, rules are for fools...especially when you don't let people know the rules exist and then punish them for breaking said rules. 
  • If you play too hard to get, you won't get got! 
How easy is it for a potential love interest to get to know you? Do you play hard to get or take joy in "curving" potential suitors? 

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