Dropping the bags off as 2012 ends

Before I start to write, I always think..hmmm who's going to read this? Then I think...who cares...I'm writing this ish anyway...

What most people who know me know about me is how busy I always am. Well, that is going to come to an abrupt halt. "Busy" keeps me distracted more than productive. "Busy" allows me to keep one foot in a situation and one foot out...at all times. So as this year comes to a close, I'm dropping off my "busy" bag. 

Your girl will not be "busy" anymore. 

Another bag I'm dropping off is my "I take that ish personally" bag. I am seriously a principled person. I have done some jacked up stuff before, but I accept my consequences, and deal. What I have struggled to deal with is people doing jacked up stuff to me and not owning it. I take that ish personally. 

There are some things that I am hardcore about. The biggest thing is my loyalty to people. I am fiercely loyal. It's the Capricorn in me. I expect the same out of people I consider friends. 

Truly Capricorns @TrulyCapricorns:#Capricorn take on great responsibility. They feel its their duty to take care of family and loved ones.

I expect the same loyalty I give to be given, but when it isn't... That nasty "I take that ish personally" comes out. I'm very sensitive when it comes to things like trust and loyalty.  However, as I move forward, I'm dropping that ish off... Not the trust and loyalty, but the "I take that ish personally" thing. What I've always known is you cannot control what other people do... even people you love or who love you. Sometimes for no good reason, folks be on some ish...It just is...and ain't much you can do about it. So why stress? 

So buh-bye sensitivity. 

A big thing I'm dropping off is my temper. By now, y'all are probably like...wth happened to her? LOL...Well sometimes the good Lord can send you signs that make you do self-analysis...so yeah...

Back to the temper. I have been great with controlling my temper over the last few years. Mind you, I have had a temper for a while, and there was a time I could not control it. I was always ready to throw hands... (ewwww that's so unladylike. But remember...I grew up as a tomboy...so umm...errrhh...yeah...) 

And once again being a Cap...I am a grudge holder. OMG! I can hold something and still appear as cool as a cucumber, then one thing trips me over the edge and *KAH-PLOWY* I explode! And no one saw it coming...which may be a little crazy...as I sit and typing this and thinking about it LMBO

The problem is, my temper has served me well. Most times it prevented anyone from trying me. (All I can hear is Tamar Braxton saying ---"she/he tried it!" in my head right now). I am fearless when it comes to jacking someone up who did me wrong. As long as I don't care about the person that is...less so when I actually care. The problem is...at some point I could stop caring...and it would be 1000x worse. With the temper dwelling me, I can do some awful stuff to jack people up. I think it has something to do with being INTJ (some personality classification that says I am a mastermind LMBO) 

So whereas in recent years I have controlled my temper. I think it is time to just say goodbye to it. Man...I will miss my temper...we have bonded over the years. I mean...my temper is like part of who I am...hmmm do I really want to see it go? LMBO 

Shoot, I might have to do a eulogy for my temper! LOL (Left to cherish fond memories... Side eye, Do I look like I care, You got one mo' time..., Trick I will bus' you in your head to the white meat, Please don't make me show you better than I can tell you, I will stomp a mud hole in ya, Nice-nasty, and the beloved Don't get on my bad side...)

The biggest bag I am dropping off is the negative parts of my past. Honestly my past has always dwelled in my present...which is probably why I have/had a temper. I'm just tired and cranky from dragging that ish from year to year. The majority of my past is good though...so that part stays as like a shawl instead of a bag... ha! 

This is what I love my loved ones for...they are the part of my past that gives me life!!! LOL

I was up until the wee hours of the morning reminiscing with my best friend and venting. Then my dear guy friend and I had a discussion and he helped me fall asleep. Some folks I just do not call when I'm having a moment...but the people from my past who are go to types of folks, get that late night/early morning call LOL... And I love that we can talk like that...

I must say most of the negatives are gone already...so the bag is only half full. 

So hasta la vista negative past!!!

I'm also releasing mourning and sorrow. It is okay to mourn but you can only be in mourning for so long. I have over the years lost some very important people to me. And their losses hurt me to my core. I mourned, I dealt, I coped. I made myself numb. But honestly, I didn't let go of the mourning. 

I won't go into the specific losses...but each one hurt in a unique way...but that hurt should not be everlasting. So you're free to go mourning... Thanks for giving me comfort...I don't need you anymore. 

As 2012 is in its last month, most of us start to ponder what's up for the new year. I know I have. As I pray moving forward into the new year, I challenge you (and myself) to work each day of this last month to remove your baggage. Drop it off, whatever it is. Let this be the last month you carry it with you.