Rules do not change after you enter the game

There is a certain gentleman with whom I often have very deep and stirring conversations. To the outside listener these convos may be off-putting. But if you listen closely enough to what is and is not being said, you will get it.

Today the subject of people getting into situations, specifically romantic situations, and then wanting to change the rules was our hot topic. If you go into a "relationship" under undisclosed pretenses but verbally commit to the rules of the road prior to entry that are not in line with those pretenses, you are setting yourself up. Basically, don't write no checks that your butt can't cash... You know...don't get into something you don't really want to be part of.

As a matter of fact, just the other day a lady asked:

What if you're in an open relationship (WTH IS THAT???) and then decide you want to be committed and monogamous? Can you make that happen? Do you think your partner will go for it? 

I wanted to say...shoot I probably did say... Ummmm.... what do YOU think?! (Can you feel the sarcasm in that rhetorical question?) Some folks will straight up tell you how things are going to be before you get with them.  Suga, you need to realize the rules don't change AFTER you enter the game. If the rules are clearly stated before you jump on the team...they are what they are.

Does that mean that you have to take 100% blame when you decide you want something other than what that person is providing?

Well, my guy friend said YES. The person who wants to change the rules is 100% at fault. I said NO. The person pulling the strings of adherence to the rules is at least somewhat at fault.

He felt that as long as you told the person what the deal was before becoming involved, you were clear. On some ol' let the buyer beware type stuff. I felt that as the string puller you should not only caution the person about the rules, but also check to see what they really want out of the deal. Basically don't sell a person a sports truck when they really want a tow truck. Sell your sports truck to a sports truck driver, not a tow truck driver.

We could not reach an agreement on this. As per usual, I have a number of stories that go with this topic. For one, I have been known to be a rule maker and honest about the rules. When I told a guy I did not want to commit, I meant that 100%. If he decided to entertain me in my selfish state, oh well...that was on him. (Some guy reading this is like...yep...she did it to me...)

But, I later realized that even though I was honest about my rules, I was unfair by selling my sports truck to tow truck drivers. These guys wanted a woman who would commit, and I knew that. They would go the extra mile to prove to me how worthy of commitment they were, and I did nothing to stop them. But I knew, at all times, that I was not going to commit no matter what they did.

Granted, they were crazy for jumping into those situations believing they could change my mind, but I could have just as easily walked away. But, I was in selfish mode. I honestly didn't care. Which is bad business. You know you can care (a little) about a person, but care so much more about yourself that your actions show little to no care about that person. That's how I was. (Dang, I tell y'all too much of my business...)

PSA moment:

That's what happens in these situations. I typically hear them from women. They will go all in trying to get men to commit. Doing all manner of things to get a guy's attention and having him desire you over someone else is bogus. If he don't want it with you, he don't want it with you and there is no manner of changing his mind that's going to take place. 

When you decide to take him up on offers of quasi-relationships and basic bed warming, you are really setting yourself up. You rarely have to convince a man of anything. Men are problem----> solution oriented. They have already figured out what the deal is with you by the time you even get to the shenanigans of dating exclusively or quasi-exclusively. If NOT being committed to you presents nothing but solutions and no problems, a dude will be cool with that. You're still fixing plates and warming beds...so what is he losing by being your quasi-boo? Not a dang thang! 

The worst thing you can do is go into a quasi-relationship and try to force it to be real. It is usually a waste of time. Not saying it will absolutely never happen...but the odds are not in your favor. If you want more than a casual non-commital relationship...stake your claim to it early and don't fall into foolishness.

What do y'all think?