Confession: I like my guy friends more than guys I date

Dating guys is a lot more frustrating
than being friends with them.
www.yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.com

Wait! Before you think this is something scandalous and that I've been secretly pining away for one of my homeboys...THAT IS NOT THE CASE!

Let me explain...

My homeboys are a motley crew...or have been over the years. They are a combo of personalities, ethnicities and lifestyles. A couple are parents...some never had kids...a couple are married (I will do a blog about being friends with a married man 😱) a couple never married. 

There's an array of friendship levels...some are acquaintances, a select group are like brothers (we even argue like family...it's funny.) 

The one thing these friendships have in common is a lack of fear and lack of barriers to pertinent information. 

We go into the friendship knowing that yes...because we are friends I'm going to judge you. That yes, there are some things about you that I can't stand, and you about me. Yep...you can be extra regular and it won't change my opinion of you. 

I don't care if you're broke, depressed, or angry sometimes...I got you. Vulnerability is appreciated...and sometimes fodder for jokes. 

With friendships (real, healthy friendships) you do not feel compelled to hide your inadequacies or protect yourself. They are very free flowing. 

Dating, in my youth, was very carefree for me most of the time, but usually not for the guys I dated... Mainly because I wasn't serious about it. I could be as carefree with the guys I went out with as I was with my guy friends because I wasn't investing in the relationships...so they were fun and usually without much pressure for me.

However, the thing I didn't like was the rigamarole of getting to know someone and all the hoops and hurdles that came with it.  If I have to struggle to know you...how the heck would I know if I like you or want to be with you? 

These are the hoops and hurdles:

1. THE TEST

The mind of a single man? www.yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.com

People really do this whole testing thing with potential suitors/mates/baes. And it is so stupid. If you're afraid that a person has bad intentions...you really don't have to test them...it will show up. Besides, a schemer knows the tricks of  the trade and will pass your lil test...and crush you later. 

2. THE MASK

You cannot get to know someone else when you are hiding who you are.
www.yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.com

Don't you realize that when you are getting to know someone, he or she already does not know who you are? So hiding who you are in order to get him or her, will only end badly? You ain't got to lie!! The person you are with may like the imperfect version of who you are offgate,but springing it on him/her like a booby trap later will cause problems. 

3. THE NEED TO IMPRESS

If you do something solely to get a reaction or impress the other person, knowing it will create a level of expectation that you can't handle going forward...don't do that foolishness.

4. THE PAST

I wasn't there, I didn't do it, and I should not have to pay for it. We can work through it together...but why must your new be responsible for your old? I'm not anyone you knew or thought of before we met...treat me according to that knowledge. Our situation is unique to us. 

5. THE EXPECTATIONS

Expecting my life to center around yours. Expecting me to know the order in which you feel relationships should go. Expecting me not to have habits you don't like. How are you expecting such specific things out of someone you're just getting to know? LOL. Don't expect anything from me other than truthfulness and respect...otherwise you will be disappointed. We need to hash out these expectations together. 

Going through all of this and then some just to be in someone's life, whom once you get to really know him, you may not even like, is a bit much! 

With guy friends there aren't a lot of insecurities, second guessing or holding back for fear of running them off. They usually do what they say they will, but if they don't you don't start questioning the validity of your friendship. 

Guy friends tend to be more open about things that guys you date are afraid to tell you. I seriously had a homeboy tell me about an STD scare (which we both thought was funny...I mean...you'd have to know the story...).

With guy friends, neither of you care to be any more or different than who you are...take it or leave it. 

Therefore, dating guys is a lot more frustrating than being friends with them.

...

When people date with the purpose of commitment, they tend to be afraid...and it is normal, but shouldn't control you. You are seeking out someone to the exclusion of others. So you're wary about choosing the wrong person. You have to let go at some point and dive in.

With friendships...you can always have more friends...

So yeah...things were different with my guy friends than with guys I dated...because Neither my guy friends, nor I, had a lot to lose... 😊