Pink toolkits and the chasm between men and women

Pink toolkit made by Apollo Precision Tools purchased at Target

My favorite new thing. A #Pink #toolkit. 

So I grabbed this at @target yesterday. The lady ringing me up said, "This is too cute! We ladies need to show these men we can do it all and don't need them for a thing." 

My response (with a laugh) was, "Now wait a minute. I bought this because I wanted it. It has nothing to do with showing men Anything. And YOU may not need a man for anything, but I sure do! And always will." 

Let me tell you something. I have always had men in my life whom I needed and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't know why people think it's cool to not want and need each other in their lives. Yes, I know the #Target associate meant this as a compliment, but I don't fit in the box she was trying to put me into...a box that a lot of people create and try to stuff people into. Men need women and women need men. The chasm between many of us was formed by someone else and we have to stop feeding into it.

I know it is normal, somewhat natural and often a part of gender bond forming, for men and women to gather together in split groups to complain about each other. My friends will tell you that, in their years of knowing me, I have never been a participant. 

Nor am I a compliant participant in stratifying gender roles. Nor am I a feminist. Nor am I a neutralist in gender identity (or whatever it's called, I don't know the correct terms.) 

I am not unfamiliar with tools. I've been around them my whole life. My little sister used to hold the wrenches as our uncle worked on cars. I would go out to job sites with my grandpa to carry two by fours and cement tools for extra money as a little kid... 

Because my dad refused to read instructions, I put together many shelves at our house, while growing up...being a lady does not mean I am incapable of anything. Nor do I have to prove anything to anyone...anymore. 

I believe there are differences between men and women. However, I do not believe any of those differences are of higher value than another. I think that's where things go wrong and create this war between the sexes and desire to destroy many "gender norms."

We the people (also known as "society") have devalued certain traits viewed as feminine or masculine and elevated traits that we find more consumable. I'm sorry, but the issue is not the trait, it is the evaluator. 

I once blogged about liking "manly" men, and described what "manly" meant to me. When a couple of guys read it, they went off...one even accused me of being part of the reason some kids are committing suicide (I'm not kidding...he blew up and went off.).

Not being one to shy away from criticism or a good debate (which he refused to engage in...understandably) I stood by what I said.

Do not get me wrong, some people attribute acting like jerks to just being masculine or playing helpless to being feminine...but that is a person issue.

I wish folks would just judge folks on how they have personally experienced them and attribute the negativity they've encountered to that actual person instead of applying it to a box they build, and try to shove into it everyone with similar attributes.

So, no, "men" don't do this or that and women aren't that or this based on just sharing a gender. There are a lot of factors at play. However, when a group does display certain traits that you do not have a taste for, it does not automatically make the person or trait negative, bad or evil.

I actually have some "masculine" traits that can at times be off putting to people who have it set in their minds that I'm not supposed to have them...but I have been in spaces that were heavily male and testosterone heavy for a long time (since my childhood). That doesn't make me less of a woman, however, in some ways it makes me less feminine. I actually know this to be true. 

Yet, I have feminine traits too. And they are powerful. This is why I do not buy into the devaluation of certain traits or gender roles or the desire of some to elevate certain skills and traits over others. To me, the traits are a matter of taste, not value. 

Because I am okay with who I am and how I am, I have very little concern about how others view those traits.

Which leads me back to where I started. I do not do the male vs female battle thing because I think it is stupid. I blame it on people abusing their statuses or power in the past and creating these fissures in the relationships between men and women. This is actually crushing people, families, homes, governments, and economies.

We the people have created this radicalized fear of the opposite sex. From birth, many girls are taught to fear all men other than their fathers (and sometimes even their fathers) because they may be subject to abuse by those boys and men. 

From birth, many boys are taught to only have love and respect for their mothers because any other woman will wreak havoc on their lives and tap them dry. 

So then, we operate in all parts of the world and life as though we are fighting this silent battle, guarding against anything that may make interactions with the opposite sex peaceful, productive and normal. It's nuts to me.

I could go on and on, but to sum it up...try challenging your gender hatred and look at things and people through the perspective of your interactions with them individually as opposed to your perceptions of some of their traits.