Problems with opposite sex friendships
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| When being "just friends" becomes a problem... (Problems with opposite sex friendships) |
I've been busy and thinking about what to do with this blog, now that the book is out. So I've decided to go back to the roots and dive back into male-female friendships.
To kick it back off. Let's start with the problems that come with opposite sex friendships.
If you're like me, and have had opposite sex friendships since childhood...you will understand.
1. Confusion with the friend zone.
It is virtually impossible to have a genuine friendship with someone who thinks he/she has a chance to be more...ever.
It changes the whole game. You cannot be friends when the other person thinks he's just waiting in the "friend zone." It is not the same thing.
2. You forget how to flirt or pick up on flirting.
There's something about having opposite sex friendships that dulls your flirty senses. If you're around testosterone as much as I am, you don't even get a hint of the pheromones a good brother might be putting out!
Seriously...after awhile I literally needed a guy to bluntly say "I like you. I want you," for me to get it. You literally meet the opposite sex and see him as a person (or her, in the case of my male colleague with whom I discussed this topic.), so instead of eying every person of the opposite sex as mate potential...you literally just see them as potential friends. Weird...yes...but true.
3. Hook me up with your friend.
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| Opposite sex friendships are gateways to matchmaking for your other friends. |
This one springs up on occasion. Just because I'm friends with one dude, or he with me, doesn't make me friends with his friends nor he with mine.
This causes a conflict of interest because It never fails that someone wants to be hooked up and that mess is just too close for comfort. You don't want to put your friendship in peril...and you know everything about the friend's good and dirty deeds...and he yours. This has resulted in no friend to friend hookups (even when I've pled my case! 😂😂)
4. The friend's suspicious significant other.
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| Opposite sex friendships can cause issues in relationships. |
I could tell you funny stories and not so funny stories about this... I make a full effort to meet and/or get to know my homeboys' sweethearts...when they get serious. I respect their mate decisions even in times when I may not agree with them.
However...it has never failed that at least 50% of the time (I'm being very generous) I will, understandably, get the side eye.
I've dealt with ice cold greetings, counter intelligence info gathering, semi-stalking, angry accusations and "it's either her (me) or me (the bae)."
When I was younger, I didn't get it. I knew the cold hard reality of the platonic nature of my friendships and couldn't even fathom how people didn't get it. Then I realized that not everyone believes those friendships can exist and they will eye everything suspiciously.
5. Your suspicious significant other.
He feels like because he's attracted to you and wants to lay you down, ain't no way in the world your homeboy is immune to those feelings.
Then he's dealing with the harsher reality that your homeboy may know more about you than he does, especially in the beginning. And if you bring up the homeboy's name one too many times...he's wondering what you need him for if you and homeboy are so deep.
Significant others are territorial and can sometimes make it difficult to balance your relationship w/your opposite sex friendships.
6. You get comfortable
Having friends of the opposite sex can make you a little too comfortable and stuck in your ways. Being around dudes all the time can really skew your view of how male-female relationships should go in all realms.
You forget the work necessary to keep a spark going in romantic relationships. And your expectations of your significant other may be tainted by what you get from your friendships.
You also have to consider boundaries that may not seem like a big deal, but can become one. Phone calls past a certain hour are cool when neither of you are in relationships...not so cool when you are.
7. Everyone wants you to find love in the friendship.
Folks just cannot understand why two people who are "catches" won't catch each other. Many people feel the friendship is a waste of good relationship opportunities.
They refuse to understand or let die the quest to make something out of nothing
8. Somebody catches feelings
I've not really had this issue but for one time and that was waaaaaayyyy back in my teen years. Someone I thought was my friend since kindergarten decided one day that we weren't friends and he liked me. I felt betrayed! LOL
I know other people have experienced this with opposite sex friendships which makes the whole notion of platonic make-female friendships questionable to them.
9. You take the friendship for granted
Friendship, like any other relationship, takes effort. So, whether your friend is a guy or gal, you can sometimes take the relationship for granted.
IT IS A GIVE AND TAKE SITUATION!
If you find yourself taking twice as much as you give...you may have a friend but may not be a friend.
You may forget special occasions or feel the friend will always be cool with taking a backseat. Or...you could slip up and treat your guy friends like they aren't dudes at all...(I'm guilty of this...if I'm pmsing...we will probably talk about it..lol)
10. A million questions
Nobody believes you're just friends, so people start questioning the status, validity and depth of your bond.
Sometimes, significant others will get close to you in order to have a direct line to question their mate who happens to be your friend.
And you're always asking each other questions about the opposite sex.
The questions never end! LOL
What, if any, issues have you had with platonic friendships with the opposite sex?
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