Dating 20s vs 30s: The down side

Dating 20s vs 30s: The down side www.yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.com


I received an email from a young man who has been reading this 20s vs 30s series. He was concerned that the bent from the blogs was that dating for serious relationships was best done in your 30s. And he felt that meant I didn't believe he could find a serious relationship at the age of 23.  

I actually feel like age isn't a grave factor when it comes to finding healthy, sustainable relationships. Healthy relationships are more depended upon maturity and self-awareness. Quite honestly, there are difficulties that we all face no matter our age.

In the first post in this series, I stated that not much has changed for me now vs in my 20s. But over the course of discussing this topic with others and thinking about some things, I've realized there are some things to which I have paid little attention. 

1. Time is a scarce resource

When you're young, fly and free...it seems like you have more time than you know what to do with. You could do spontaneous dates or multiple dates in a week. Now?! Pfft I have to schedule time to make a phone call or shoot a text. Being too busy for love is real! I know people say stuff like "well, you will make time for what's important!" 

But when you hit 30-something, what's important most times is SLEEP! LOL Balancing career, family, health and love life is hard as heck! 

2. The market shifts 

In my 20s, I was in an area full of the kinds of men I find attractive. I mean the offering cup ranneth over. And they were very visible. Why? Because we all had few responsibilities and time to be out on the scene being seen.

Now, it takes work to find, let alone sift through, genuinely single prospects. Grown, grown folks are usually not hanging out because they have things like student loans, mortgages, child care and aging parents/grands on their agendas. 

Finding a big group of single men to choose from, whom hit on your "things I find attractive" list, is harder than finding a Pikachu on PokemonGo. 

2. Laziness crept in

Part of dating is marketing. Whether you care to believe it or not, appearance and attraction are what matters most in the beginning. There are different levels of attraction (physical, mental, spiritual and emotional). Those levels keep you interested enough to get past the "I think you're cool" stage into "I want to know more about you."

It takes effort to get past all of that to the building stage, and quite honestly... folks get lazy. With all of the other tasks that come with life as a fully grown adult, putting in time to look cute and be enticing and plan dates and plan to go out on dates can seem extra...especially when you have a whole life of experiences and exchanges that make the routine seem tedious. Remember this meme from the 'Dating 20s vs 30s: I've changed' post?



By the time you hit your good 30s, you struggle to muster the energy that you had when you were in your twenties. I mean you can, but you get lazy. 

3. The baggage

Truth be told, not everyone is into dating folks from the first husbands/wives club.  However, by the time you reach your 30s, people have had whole families and are starting over. In your 20s, everything (most things) are fresh and new, and you are experiencing them together. In your late 30s, somebody has already been there and done that...a few times.

(I won't name names...but I have a homeboy who dates younger women because of this scenario. He feels like they are untouched by many of the damaging effects of making it to your 30s as a single person. They haven't had too many life altering changes like children, ex-husbands, or heartbreaking relationships.)

If you are in your 30s, never married, and childless, connecting with someone in a like position is somewhat difficult. Some would say it is darn near impossible. Many people will look at you as though something is inherently wrong with you if you reach mid 30s with no ex spouses or children in tow. Conversely, if you are dating with a family already in existence, it is difficult dealing with someone who has never had those responsibilities. Knowing who to introduce to your children and how soon brings in complications. Blending your family life with someone who has been living the single life can be extremely taxing. 

4. Set in your ways

Even though in your 30s you have only lived half (or less) of your life expectancy, you feel like you have lived a long time. With all of that living and all of the changes you have been through, you may have a tendency to become inflexible (which is so unappealing! It really sucks...). Just because you have always done things a certain way, does not mean that is the only way to do them, but somehow the 30s make you feel like it is the only way YOU should do them....so anyone who wants to deal with YOU has to also comply. 

5. Technology ain't what it used to be

If you are in your 30s now, you grew up in a time when texting, sexting, and social media did not really exist. You still have memories of staying up late on the phone with a long cord stretched into your room....before cordless phones even existed. 

The "insta" life has changed the game...and it can be irritating. 



Up next is the final post on Dating 20s vs 30s... all about technology's shift and how it has shifted the dating plain.

WHAT HAS BEEN THE DOWN SIDE OF DATING IN YOUR 30s FOR YOU? (comment below)


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