Ask YBBG: She is not ready for a relationship
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| Email AskYBBG with your relationship issues and questions. |
I checked my email this morning and received a request for advice on a very common topic. (I was an advice columnist for seven years, btw.)
I agreed to give an answer if I could share the issue with you readers. I also agreed to make this as anonymous as possible, so I won't post the email in its entirety.
Here's what happened. Young gent and lady, who are neighbors hit it off. They spend a lot of time together and start a heavily romantic relationship without making a commitment.
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| Romance Awareness |
They are out together and run into his friend. So upon introduction, he identifies her as his neighbor (something other than girlfriend, boo, bae, significant other, woman of my dreams). She feels some kind of way and goes cold on him. He apologizes and tried to convince her that he meant nothing harmful by it, but she's hurt. 😩
Now he's making all kinds of overtures to show that he cares, lady erases him from her virtual life and says she isn't ready for a relationship, but they can be close friends.
HE WANTS TO KNOW:
1. What does it mean to not be ready for a relationship?
2. Is it possible that he's lost his chance with her?
3. How can he go from being all in to all out?
I have seriously received some version of these questions multiple times over the years.
Most of my response to this young gent:
There was a little more to my response, but the gist is:
1. Don't give all of your emotions to a foundation-less relationship.
2. Talk about the things that matter to both of you as it relates to building what ever bond you're building together.
3. Set the parameters of your situation and define the terms clearly...as things change, talk about the changes.
4. Stop believing everything you read in memes or elsewhere about what something HAS to mean when a certain action is taken. Your love life cannot live off of these social media standards like "well, if he ain't claiming you, he ain't feeling you." Sometimes he just doesn't know where you stand, and it is simple as that.
5. Think! Folks love to just feel...without utilizing logic or reason. Think things through sometimes... LOL
What do y'all think? Am I off base with my advice?
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