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Austen Jaye on giving the benefit of the doubt


This guy is @AustenJaye (twitter handle). I will post the interview later...but first... He plays one of the characters on Roomie Lover Friends. I interviewed him for my blog yesterday. (You can listen to the interview later when I post it.) One thing that came up is how important it is to give the "benefit of the doubt" in a relationship. 

All too often people just wait on something to go wrong, and scream with an "I knew you weren't isht" at the first inkling of a mistake or disappointment. 

But typically these folks judge behaviors by past experiences with other people. When the current person's behavior may be innocuous. Why do many people not give the "benefit of the doubt" to their mates?
This guy is @AustenJaye (twitter handle). He plays one of the characters on Roomie Lover Friends. I interviewed him for my blog yesterday. One thing that came up is how important it is to give the "benefit of the doubt" in a relationship. All too often people just wait on something to go wrong, and scream with an "I knew you weren't isht" at the first inkling of a mistake or disappointment. But typically they judge behaviors by past experiences with other people. When the current person's behavior may be innocuous. Why do many people not give the "benefit of the doubt" to their mates?
 



  • 3 people like this.
  • A S:  Wondering when doing this are they considered mates at that point of this reaction or still in the get to know phase?
  • C R:  because they carry baggage from previous relationships.
    14 hours ago · Unlike · 5
  • A S: Was thinking that C R
  • A S:  Although, some people do not know they are truly ready to move on until they meet someone and start going through the motion, I think people who know they are not ready or discover they are not ready should sit on the porch and watch the traffic go by until they are truly ready
    14 hours ago · Unlike · 1
  • D P: wait wait wait ... confused ... he saying give "benefit of a doubt" to your mate but don't blow up when that benefit falls off? i am confused because the statement to me means that i wont give up on the relationship and i wont blow up before i get all the facts ... he is stating just wait and wait and wait before you confront a problem and then when that problem gets to the boiling explode and leave?
  • N D: That is what happens when you are carrying baggage from one relationship to another. Let each individual make their mistakes...No Dionne he is saying don't automatically walk into the relationship expecting the new new to what the ex did.
    13 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1
  • D P: OK ... thank you for clarification ... i am in the NEW NEW and have taken the old old and kicked it outta my head ... New New is so unexpected and fresh and loving so I look at my relationship with a new light and i like it
  • K A: Interesting. I am only suspicious of suspicious behavior. I think many times the other is not given the benefit of the doubt because of what they are communicating through their behavior. People forget that your actions communicate something . . . good or bad. And it is not about someone giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you thinking about what your actions are communicating.
    12 hours ago · Like · 1
  • YBBG I think part of the benefit of the doubt is...realizing that what they are communicating and what you are receiving could be two totally different things. I think often what we receive from a person is based on baggage...so the view isn't so clear, ya know?
  • K A: It used to be that people anticipated the reactions of others BEFORE they did or said things. Now people are just doing things and expecting others to figure what was or was not meant. Expecting others to give them the benefit of the doubt or to translate poor behavior or etiquette as something that was not intended. Really????
    12 hours ago · Like · 1
  • YBBG Think about it. When you know a person cares for you. Your first thought shouldn't be that they are trying to in some way harm you.
    12 hours ago · Like · 1
  • YBBG Basically benefit of the doubt means your first reaction shouldn't be defensive or negative to what your mate does or says.
    12 hours ago · Like · 2
  • A S:  True YBBG, but you should pay attention to see if actions and words match, cause to me once you speak it, it is like a verb it is an Action word which should be followed up in action, you can't say you care and act like you don't
    12 hours ago · Like · 1
  • K A: I definitely agree YBBG. I do want to add that benefit of the doubt is very similar to trust. It is earned by repeat behavior or lost by repeat behavior.
    12 hours ago · Like · 2
  • E T: People don't give the benefit of the doubt because their insecurities run their life. To scared their S/O will feel someone more than they feel for them.
  • C C: Simple. It's insecurity. The minute you become comfortable in your own skin then you quickly realize that no one can validate u. U have to validate yourself. Then u will be secure even when u dating a clown.
    7 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • K K:  I am finding that a lot of people are shady and assume everyone else is too! When I find a man is always questioning me, I think twice b/c he must have some frame of reference either he's a liar/untrustworthy or still nursing a hurt from some past relationship. Either way I'm treading lightly! I'm a good person so I generally expect the best from you until you show me otherwise
  • C A:  What C R said! I can't even think of a better response than that lol
    4 hours ago via mobile · Like · 1
  • L H:  I agree with C C.
    3 hours ago via mobile · Like
  • YBBG: K K a lot of times presumed shadiness is based on your perception of what the person does. That person may not be shady at all, but because you had a similar experience with a prior person, you pool all those behaviors into the "shady" bucket. Which is exactly where the benefit of the doubt comes in.


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