'Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships are for high school'

Most recently everyone is on this meme from
Tony Gaskins about boyfriends not being husbands.
I've been saying this my entire life...but people
acted as though I were out in left field. (Girlfriends are
not wives either...)

Yesterday, I had a discussion with four people about the nature and importance of boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. The four, two guys and two gals, had vastly different viewpoints on the subject. Two of the four, one guy and one gal, agreed with my perspective. The other two strongly did not.

Let me explain something...if you read my book (available from Lulu for 25% off today with discount code: TWODAY14), you will see much of my viewpoint on boyfriend-girlfriend relationships that I won't go into here. Quite frankly, I've never given a lot of credence to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.

One of the gals I asked said, "Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships are for high school." I wholeheartedly agree. I don't understand a marriage-minded adult person committing to a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Until you are engaged...you're still on the market. Otherwise you're in a  pseudo-commitment holding pattern...and for what exactly? In high school, for the most part, boyfriend-girlfriend was the highest level of relationship you set out to achieve. So that's understandable.

As grown ups, I see people treating boyfriend-girlfriend relationships like marriage. They pour themselves into these pseudo commitments thinking it will get them married...then when some get married for real they don't do jack else. Or some wake up from this pseudo-commitment stupor ten years later and wonder why it didn't work out and try to put the pieces back together for the time they've wasted.

The gal who disagreed with my view said she's never been one to date multiple people and asked if dating multiple people meant sleeping with them. My response is NO. You don't have to have sex with anyone...no matter what people keep lying and telling you. Who you sleep with is a choice...not a requirement.

And that begs a question...does a woman or man sleeping with a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend"  (who isn't your spouse) make it any better than sleeping with a dude or girl you're just dating or kicking it with anyway? It was funny...the other week I was having a convo with some colleagues. One guy was discussing this very thing. He said:
I know this lady who thinks that because she only has sex with her "boyfriend" that she's somehow better than a woman who has sex with whoever she wants. I was like...'how are you better? You have ten different boyfriends every year. Your body count is the same as or greater than the ones you like to call "ho's".' 
One of my homeboys and I go back and forth about my view all the time. Homeboy says boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are a necessary step on the way to marriage. I say they are a made up thing that have absolutely nothing to do with marriage.

If you're not one who feels marriage is important to you, then cool. Put all you can into your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because that is as far as you want to go. Otherwise...what are you doing? What do boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have to do with marriage?

A person can be a great girlfriend-boyfriend and a horrible spouse. The two are completely separate things. What should be judged while you're dating is a person's character.  Because dating does not get you ready for marriage at all. Dating merely lets you get to know a person. Marriage is something two people work on continuously. Dating just lets you know whether or not this is a person you want to work on it with.

As I discussed this with the other gal, who completely disagreed with me, she likened dating to a job interview/search. Her point was that in being a girlfriend you're showing how you would  be as a wife...like a foreshadowing interview as to what is to come.

I'll use that same "job" analogy:

Boyfriend-Girlfriend/Dating is like the interviewing process. You're pretty much only revealing what's on your resume. This does not tell what your actual job performance will be. It merely shows what potential you have. And...you can easily go on several job interviews as that's all they are...interviews. (You are dating multiple people without committing to anyone.)

You do not go on a job interview and start doing the job do you? You  may discover something during the interview that tells you this isn't the job for you. So why waste so much time on one interview when you can maximize your options with several and not commit to any until the position is offered? There, of course, is a level of risk involved before you move to the next level. The company has no real idea what you will do when hired (nor do you have a real idea of what will be required of you on the job) so the company will usually have you on a 90 day trial  period before you get full benefits...thus...the engagement.

The Engagement is like the 90 day trial period. You have been taken off the market, though...depending on how things go...this may be temporary. You get some light benefits that are non-existent during the interview. These benefits include training (marriage counseling...developing your core together  as a couple), networking (developing relationships with the most important people in your fiance/fiancee's life), planning (looking at properties and homes together...but please don't buy anything until you actually make it to full term employment...lol). Engagement means exactly that...now you're actually doing the pre-marital things. Improving your partnership worthy skills. And seeing the pressures and pleasures of a full time commitment to this company (relationship).

The Marriage is like the full time job with benefits. You have to show up for work every day. You've dedicated yourself to the company and the company (the marital relationship) will grow based on the work you do. As this company is employee-owned, you will excel or fail based on what you put into it.

I continually asked the question about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in different ways to people other than the four above and received different answers. None actually got to the core of what I wanted to know...which means I never asked the question properly...LOL

So here's the big question: WHAT'S THE POINT IN BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND RELATIONSHIPS?



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