Boyfriend-Girlfriend relationships: THE COMPROMISE
If you read the previous two blogs (here and here), you've seen both sides of the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship debate. There are those of us who feel that type of relationship is best left for adolescence. Then there are those who feel that type of relationship is the only precursor for marriage.
So which side is "right"?
Honestly, it does not matter who you feel is more right or less right. The truth is...as you seek out the relationship that is best for you...it may be with someone who falls on the opposite side of your stance on the debate.
But what does it matter?
The only thing that matters is whether or not you're able to get beyond your differences and carve out a space that works for the two people in the relationship. Both people come in with needs, fears, insecurities, wants, wishes, hopes, requirements...blah blah blah.
Some people think you cannot get to know a person for long-term relationship status without preliminary commitment. I happen to not be one of those people. I feel you can get to know someone really well by just being around him and growing a friendship.
Some people feel that girlfriend-boyfriend status is a recognizable relationship accomplishment. I happen to not be one of those people. To me it is a stalling point for people who aren't ready for more or a destination for people who don't want more.
So what's the compromise?
Each side wants security. The boyfriend-girlfriend relationship champions feel that the security comes with practicing the long term commitment. The boyfriend-girlfriend relationship detractors feel that you don't have to practice in the confines of a pseudo-commitment. Each side wants to be able to love and trust in the person they're interested in....there's just a difference of opinion in how to develop the love, security, and trust.
The beauty of growing with someone is compromising and creating fulfillment of those things within your own relationship. For example...I know good and well how I feel about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships does not jive with the vast majority of people... That means I have to be willing to accept that kind of relationship while also letting my expectations be known upfront. I will not be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship for years. Just won't do it. LOL
On the flip side, those who insist on boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have to know they may run into someone like me. So feeling as though a "boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship is a cherished and honored thing may not jive well with someone who sees it as a temporary resting stop. So...yeah...you may have to get over your fears a little more quickly than you feel comfortable doing. Let go of how you feel things "have to be" in order to get to where you want things to end up.
Relationships come with a risk. Sometimes you have to plunge into the risk and let go of the control. There is no "CONTROLLER" when you're trying to carve out a space for love, stability, trust, and support. No one gets to call all of the shots.
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