Ten reasons you should stay single

single woman standing alone
Being single is not so bad. Sometimes you just are not
relationship ready. www.yourboyfriendsbestgirlfriend.com
 I used to write a relationship column for a now defunct news portal. This is one of the posts that first appeared April 30, 2014. 


Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted. People long for companionship and intimacy. Many have worked hard in life and desire someone with whom to share their accomplishments.

So many people are relationship hungry when they are not relationship ready. Yet gurus, books, TV shows, your mamas and everyone else tell you that it is time for you to settle down. Someone should tell you the truth: You need to stay single!

Face it, being wealthy does not make you relationship ready. Being beautiful does not make you relationship ready. Having accomplishments does not make you relationship ready. Getting old does not make you relationship ready.

Wanting a relationship does not make you relationship ready.
Sure you can just jump into a relationship, but if you want a healthy relationship...maybe right now...you need to stay single.

Here are 10 Reasons you need to stay single:



1. Pressure is weighing on you

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You're getting older, you've been single for awhile, everyone is asking you when you're going to find someone and settle down. Your on again-off again companion is nagging you about making a commitment. You know you are not ready. Entering a relationship should be done with joy, not dread. If the pressure is weighing on you, you need to stay single.

2. Emotionally, you're unstable

Control is something you have little of when it comes to your emotions. You're looking for someone who can "handle" you. You have embraced your "crazy" and feel that a "real man" should be able to put you in check. Truth be told, you need therapy...and prayer. If you are emotionally unstable, you need to stay single.

3. Unresolved daddy issues plague you

Whether your daddy did you dirty or spoiled you rotten, it is time to take the training wheels off. You may grow up with baggage, and parent-child relationships may leave you scarred or with unrealistic expectations. However, your actions in adulthood are your responsibility. You either deal and heal or grow and let go. If you are still holding onto your daddy issues, you need to stay single.

4. Messy mama is in control

Lord knows you should love and honor your parents, but you don't have to take orders from them as adults. If your mama is meddling in your life and managing your moves, it is time to hacksaw the umbilical cord. Mama should not be your main girl or the main attraction in your life. If you are still answering to your mama, you need to stay single.

5. Identity crisis

You change with the wind. No one knows who you are, what you're doing, or what you want from one minute to the next, nor do you. It is okay to not yet know who you are, but don't expect someone to be able to relate to your multiple personality changes. If you are still trying to find yourself, you need to stay single.

6. Growing up is hard for you

Age and maturity are not always bosom buddies. Thinking, acting, and speaking like a child is not cute at a certain point. Quite frankly, if you're a decade past twenty-one and still act like an airhead you need to get your life together. 

There is more to the world than how you look, what you can buy and how many likes, shares and "retweets" you get on social media. If you're grown and still acting like a teen, you need to stay single.

7. You're broke(n)

Everyone has setbacks in life. There are times you will find yourself broke without a dime or broken spiritually. Yes, you should have support, love and encouragement. But expecting someone to be your crutch is out of line. 

Having the wherewithal to acknowledge that you're broken and being willing to fix it is the key. If you are wallowing in your brokenness, you need to stay single.

8. Conflict resolution skills are lacking



Disagreements are a natural occurrence when two individuals are trying to co-exist. The best way to resolve issues is to have transparent and inviting communication, while being open to compromise. Some people only know how to react to feelings without processing them rationally. 

You don't have to get physical to get over an argument. If your only conflict resolution skill involves concussions, cuts and bruises, you need to stay single.

9. Spreading your wings selfishly

Relationships come with responsibilities. You are responsible for the care and emotional health of another person to an extent. There are requirements of fidelity, time, and love that just may not be what you need right now. 

If you're out experiencing life in every way possible and a relationship will only get in the way, it is okay to stay single and be selfish. If you're not finished with the selfishness of being single, you need to stay single.

10. Being right is your first priority
Look here, you are not Judge Judy and the world is not your courtroom. Must you always be ready to judge? Your way is not always the best way and it is definitely not the only way. 

If you take loads of pride in being right, even if you're making someone else miserable, you're not as great as you think you are. Sometimes you have to choose between being right (not doing right...just being right) and being in a healthy relationship. Take a step back sometimes, stop being so critical, and put down your gavel. If you really have to always be right, you need to stay single.

I said all this to say: IT IS OKAY TO BE SINGLE... you don't have to be lonely though.... Date...mix and mingle.

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