How to make friends with guys who don't want to sleep with you

Photo from: Instablog

I told a fellow blogger that I would do this blog about how to make friends with guys who do not want to sleep with you.  Let me give you some background.

You know, this blog was initially started as an homage to my friendships with guys. Being friends with the male gender has always been a natural part of my life. It is as natural to me as having female friends. It has just always been so. I never really considered any negative implications of having male friends, until I met people who had a huge issue with it.

One person was a guy I dated some years ago. He could not deal with my having "homeboys". It confused the heck out of me. I did not get it at all. I remember trying to set up a double date with one of my dearest friends, his girlfriend, myself and the guy I was dating. Let me tell you, it did not go down.

My guy had no desire to meet my homeboy, who was flying in from out of town with his lady. I was so hurt that he wanted me to choose between my friend and him. It didn't make sense to me. I had never had this issue in previous relationships.

Not only was I hurt, but I was also pissed. First of all, what you are not going to do is tell me who I can and cannot have in my life. You ain't my daddy and I am not a child. Yeah, I went there. What I did not do was try to understand his position. But I should have at least listened to his concerns.

I later realized, there are some folks who have never had platonic relationships with the opposite sex, so it is difficult for them to see the value in it. Their experiences have always been of a romantic or sexual nature with the opposite sex. Mine had not. I grew up a tomboy, played sports, watched wrasslin', and spewed "yo mama jokes." Although I was not seen as "one of the guys" (according to my best guy friend), I was not a "sex object" to my homeboys... more like a cool sister or cousin.

Now...I'm not a bad lookin' chick... so it wasn't that guys didn't find me attractive...but there was something about our interactions that shut off the "I want to see her in her birthday suit" valve. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what that is...but I will give it a shot.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH GUYS WHO DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU

1. Do not flirt with them at all.
2. Talk to them like you talk to your home girls. Yep, that means talk of cramps and all.
3. If there is an inkling that they want more, don't pretend it's a friendship. You cannot be friends. Just say no to the "friend zone". 
4. Don't use them as substitute boyfriends. So no he cannot escort you to your friend's wedding. 
5. Meet their girlfriends and develop friendships/acquaintances with them.
6. Never spend intimate time with them. There is no cuddling with friends. 
7. Bond over "boy stuff". 
8. Treat them like brothers. And allow them to treat you as a sister. 
9. Get real. You know if you're attracted to someone vs wanting to be friends. Be honest about it.
10. Don't force a friendship that just cannot happen.

I do not use my feminine wiles with my homeboys. At all...it's just gross to me to even consider it. So there are no sending of  pheromones from me to my homies. Uh uhn. No way. And I really treat them like my brothers. It is difficult to explain, because it just is. 

Let me be clear. I am a flirt. I do it unconsciously. But not with my homeboys. Never. No way. I don't look at them "like that". I grew up really wanting brothers in my life and lots of them. Mainly because I grew up around my uncles who I thought made the sun rise and set each day. That's how much I love them. So interactions with males were ever present in my life. 

Don't get me wrong, I have had guys who I wanted to be friends with "try me". But we are no longer acquainted. I don't do the "friend zone". Not like that. I am clear. Either I am interested in you or we are friends. No fuzzy gray area (which is not necessarily a great thing...it just makes life simple for me.) 

I can say truthfully that I have three core guy friends, who I will ride or die to keep in my life. Yes, just three. And if you're questioning whether or not you are one of the three...you probably aren't. LOL. They know who they are.

Now see...those two up in the back can't be friends. LOL
From @MichaelSkolnik