Cam Newton, don't call me sweetheart

I heard this discussion this morning on Power 98 FM's No Limit Larry and the Morning Maddhouse. Apparently there is a woman reporter who became offended when Cam Newton referred to her as "sweetheart".

Sports writer Jemele Hill penned an article about "sweetheart"-gate where she writes:

"I'm going to leave this room and I'm going to bring in a suggestion box and I want your suggestions to be in that suggestion box because I sure don't know," Newton said to reporters on Sunday. "I really don't. I wish I could tell you. But the only thing I control, sweetheart, is myself. Offensively, I am the leader of this bunch and we haven't been getting the job done."

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AP Photo/Margaret BowlesCam Newton is open to suggestions.

OK, Cam, here's the first suggestion. How about not referring to a female reporter as "sweetheart"? It's antiquated. It's insulting. It's condescending. This is a professional work environment, one where women haven't always been welcome. And one way to remind a female reporter that she doesn't belong is by calling her "sweetheart."

As a person who has worked in several very male dominated environments I can say this much, having someone be condescending towards you can become more than an annoyance. Having someone degrade you can be embarrassing and sometimes scary.

After college, I worked at a plant as a technical writer before going to law school. I was one of about three women on my floor, working around some really burly guys. I walked around with a digital camera to take pictures of the equipment for visual aids I created. Well there was this one redneck (that's what he called himself), who would make very sexually charged comments about me and my camera. I was twenty-two, surrounded by a bunch of old dudes I didn't know, and somewhat fragile after having experienced a traumatic situation before I graduated college.

So I was emotional on top of being a young woman in a male dominated environment. I ignored the redneck, but then his boss began hounding me. I would come in each day and have to ask the boss to let me into my office because I didn't have a key. So I was alone with him. He would make derogatory comments towards me and at a point I felt threatened.

There were a number of times he would invade my personal space and I would really have nowhere to escape to. There was a time he had me backed near a machine and he would say things like "I really would like to take some pictures of you with that camera...maybe in a bikini." I was scared, but should have been more pissed off.

So I went to my boss's secretary and told her what happened. At that point I was crying. (I'm so embarrassed now...). She reported it to my boss, and it blew up into this really huge thing. (I wanted to crawl underneath a machine and disappear.) The crazy thing was all of my superiors who were men, and even my cohorts, were very supportive and very protective of me. But I felt like crap because I couldn't handle it myself.

When I told my mom what happened, she told me I needed to toughen up. (What?! But mama!!! He was harassing me!!). I was like wait...so you're not going to get Pop and go down there and beat that man up for me? Uh...no. My mom had worked in those environments for years. She told me that I needed to toughen up and put that man in his place.

What my mama was doing was empowering me. Letting me know that I didn't have to run to anyone for help. I could snap that dude in two without using any weapons (but pick something up if I had too...I'm just saying...).  My mama's advice came in handy many years later.

As an attorney I have worked under superiors who have asked me out, made lewd comments, and said all types of sideways things to me. What do I do? Snap back! That's right...Snap back! I started paying attention. Even the men in different environments were being harassed. Not just the women.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe sexual harassment and sexism exist in the workplace. But I don't believe everything is a "cause". At some point you have to ignore certain things. Do I believe Cam Newton was being sexist and condescending when he called the reporter "sweetheart"? Not really. I think he may have been a little ignorant and unaware that PC words are expected, even when giving an off the cuff interview.

I also feel the reporter was being "sensitive". Heck, I've heard male reporters get called much worse in more condescending ways. I also don't think there should be a particular way that female reporters get "handled" in those environments. You want to do a job...do it. You don't have to cry about everything. Now if Cam had her backed up in a corner and called her sweetheart, or was dismissive of her in his commentary...okay...that's one thing...

But every dang thing is not a "cause". Nor does everything deserve an analysis about it's implications on females in the workplace. The mess is getting tired and boring and watering down the real issues women face in the workplace, like not getting paid the same!

*UPDATE*

I read the reporter's blog, venting about "sweetheart-gate". After reading it have I changed my perception of the "sensitivity"? No. It just helped me to understand from where the sensitivity came. She may have very well felt that Newton was being condescending, but what you feel and what someone intends can be two totally different things.

As with most things, it is all about perception.