Phone politics in relationships
My pal, A.B. posted this webisode on Facebook. I watched it, and started thinking about the politics of phone calls, phone numbers, and phone access in relationships.
Let's start with the beginning:
Guy Meets Girl
Guy musters up the courage to ask for the number. OR...guy offers girl his number.
For some strange reason this becomes a point of contention off-gate. Don't ask me why, but the jockeying for position begins. Should he ask... If he doesn't ask, and gives his number, should she take it and call him? But is that not too forward? Shouldn't THE MAN pursue the woman. I mean whose responsibility is it to call anyway? (No...seriously these are the questions people ask...)
I did something really second nature to me the other day. I was on my way into a birthday party. A guy stops me to speak for a second, and asks for my number. My instinct (old college habit) was to give him an alias name (Look...if anything...I tell y'all the truth...of my bad and good traits... This is a bad one. LOL).
Why do I do this? Foolish. It makes absolutely no sense at all. If I did not want to give him my number, I should have just said, thanks but no thanks. But he was cute...and I put it in my just in case pile. Plus, if he started acting a fool...hey...at least he would have no way to find me :) (Yes, I think of these things...Some call it paranoia...I call it prevention LMBO)
Guy Starts Seeing Girl
Now you're in it to win it. Starting out all fresh and new. How much phone time?
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| photo from gurl.com |
Should you put a time limit on how much phone time you give a person? How long should this go on? After the first few months, could you have possibly had enough of one another?
What if one person is doing all the calling? Is that an issue, as long as the other person answers and engages? Or will you keep note of who calls who? Does texting count as contact? Say for instance you are not a phone person, but you constantly text. Is there a sliding scale? Like do three texts equal one thirty-minute phone call?
Does level of communication= level of commitment? Do you answer other calls or let them go? See...sticky right? (But again...these are the questions people ask...we need to clear this up... ASAP. LOL)
Guy and Girl Get Serious
Is it time for the "just in case" numbers to disappear?
Here is the next issue...When do you erase old flames from your contact lists? Do you stop answering phone calls from potentials?
How do you explain to other folks what you need to do as far as their phone interactions with you? You cannot control what other people text. So how do you deal with the communications with people you cut off to be with your new mate?
Is there a grace period for eliminating old flames, old prospects, and exes?
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| photo from digitaltrends.com |
Guy and Girl Are Committed
Is there an all-access pass to each other's phones?
Now that you've cleared away all past hangers on...is your phone an open book? Does your guy or girl get all your access codes, secret passwords, and account numbers?
If your phone rings, can the Mr. or Ms. in your life answer it? Is it even a question?
I still have not figured out why a person would want to have access to another person's phone. Where does trust factor in?
Do you need to have all access in order to feel secure? Is the commitment to you not enough?
PHONES ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT
At the end of the day...why do we place so much emphasis on the politics of phones? The issue is not the phone politics at all. What lies at the core of all of this phone conflict is: Security, Communication, Love and Trust.
The phone is just a manifestation of the lack of or abundance of any of the above.
