Black Men and Black Women: When did we become enemies?

HERBERT AND ZELMYRA FISHER MARRIED 85+ YEARS

I learned about this couple a few years ago.  They are from Craven County, North Carolina.  I fell in love with their love story and later wrote about it.  You can read the article here.  There was a time when Black men and women had the highest marriage rate out of all races in this country.  There are several reasons as to why marriage has become an endangered species in our community that come from outside sources.

However, these days the internal source is the most disturbing.  All you hear now is how horrible sistas are and how brothas ain't ish.  And this is all coming from brothas and sistas.  Do we really hate each other?


By now you've seen these videos:

Black Marriage Negotiations by ooziebrown


Black Marriage Negotiations (Woman's Perspective) by Peekabooshanks


Black Dating in a Hip Hop Society by GQNupe


Dating The Modern Mid-Twenties Black Man by hunnypotchris


If you can't see the truth in all of those videos, I implore you to take a moment, let down your guard and rewatch them.  They all have truth.  They all explore experiences we've had with each other.  And they all share a common theme: We love each other, but we're hurting each other...
BECOMING ENEMIES...
There's a guy I know who I call the Black Woman Basher. BWB. He doesn't know I call him that, but I do.  Why? No matter what, he will find a way to tear a sista down. To him, the rule is: Black women are babymamas, full of drama, egocentric, unladylike, boring, overweight etc.  When I offer him counterpoints to that, he exclaims that those are the exceptions, but he's sticking to HIS rule.

When I ask if he knows any sistas who are single, successful, down to earth, ladylike, fun and in shape, of course he says yes.  But according to him we are few and far between.  OH REALLY?! To that I say, NEGRO PLEASE! lol  You just WANT to believe Black women are horrible people and then turn around and say you love us. If that is love, I'd rather be hated. SMH

If she is a single mother...doesn't that mean there is a single father somewhere who helped to create the situation?  If she is "dramatic" there is a high likelihood that she is reacting to some things that went on in her life that she either could not control or could not withstand.  But you never try to get beyond your "rule of the evil, ugly, boring Black Woman".  Why do you hate us so much? What did we do to you to become the object of your venom? When did you stop loving us in thoughts, words and DEEDS?  It hurts. We're hurt. Yet you continue to destroy us and ask us why we're destroyed.  We don't deserve it. 

On the flip, everyone knows how much I love brothas.  Shoot, I wrote a blog all about my love for Black men.  I am one of those women who choose brothas over others always.  Some will say I'm crazy for doing so because: Black men are dogs, "all the good ones are gay, dead, married or in prison", they don't want to commit, they use women, they can't handle a STRONG Black woman, they aren't educated, they are bums, they just want to take advantage of you, they just want to use you as a booty call, they don't know how to act, they beat you, they lie, they cheat, they are no good.  To that I say you need to SHUT THE **** UP!!

I am sick of the bashing of Black men.  I have wonderful black men in my life. Some have made mistakes, some have been short changed by life.  It takes a while longer for some to get their ish together, but when they try, do you have to beat them down? Where is the love and support? Do you have to brutalize them with your words? Do you have to act crazy and make him feel like less than a human being let alone a man? Is it so hard to believe that sometimes you bring some of the mess men give you on yourself?

Why are we enemies now, when we used to be each other's strongest allies.  Brothas we love you, will you love us back?  Sistsas, brothas support you, will you support them back?

Comments

Joseph Margolis said…
When I read this piece I immediately felt your pain. I took in sense of scorn and rejection. These powerful emotions guided me through the entire post and did a very good job a presenting a window into a painful schism that is currently affecting the black community. You express your feeling very well and with no ambiguity. These are great qualities for that allow me to feel what it is you're trying to express.

What I personally feel deprived of in this piece is your apt intellect. Specifically I'd love to know more on how and why we have arrived at this place where black man and women reject and complain about dating in their same race.

Personally, I think self-loathing and white supremacy are two very powerful ideas that play a major role in this.

Just about every black friend I've been close to has at one point considered my whiteness as some means for their personal gain.

I have no demographics to tell me how prevalent the acceptance of white supremacy is among African Americans, but in my personal dealings it's pervasive. I wonder if/how such an attitude affects self-image and how those affected view fellow African Americans.

I think digging deeper in to how and why on such matters will show off your brilliant mind and help set you a part from the millions of other bloggers who too have no difficulty sharing their feelings. This is something I appreciate about you and know you're capable of doing or I would not point it out.

Connie, thank you for being so passionate and generous with your thoughts and ideas. I look forward to reading more.

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