Black Men: Why I love them so much.
People throw the statistics out all the time about Black women being single and why we should date out. If that is what you want as a woman, do what is best for you. If you are attracted to our brethren of another motherland, go for it. I just implore you to not tear our brothas down when you do so.
I love them!
I watched my daddy build things with his hands. Like my pink castle for an elementary school project replete with a working drawbridge. I added the little men and other details. He later built one for my sister, hers was silver. He had a workout bench where he would lift weights. And he played basketball on the weekends. From him, I learned that men are strong. He challenged me to be better. "I can't ain't ever done nothing." Is what he'd say. So I could never use the words "I can't". If I couldn't do it one way, I'd have to find another way to do it, because according to him, I can do anything.
My mama's brother was my earliest male role model when I was little. And I was spoiled rotten. He taught me magic tricks, how to play basketball, and let me do what I wanted. He protected me when I got into trouble and laughed when I did silly things. He told me I was strong and let me lift weights! LOL. He never treated me like I was fragile, but if ever I did cry, he was there to wipe away my tears.
I had another uncle who died at the tender age of twenty-six. He gave my sister her first pet, a shaggy brown dog named Dusty, and me my love for creativity. He was artistic, and taught me how to draw. His skills were amazing. So I would mimic his drawings. I remember in art class my teacher gushed over my drawings of leaves. lol. And my drawings of dinosaurs were placed in the library for years. The librarian asked me who taught me how to draw, and I proudly said my uncle. Losing him when I was barely a teenager impacted me for life.
Then my uncle on my father's side was my inspiration for drive. He was also my protector on the school bus. I was a little bitty something riding a bus in South Carolina with kids from the age of four to eighteen. He would pick me up and hold me on his hip, as he stood holding onto the rail of the overcrowded bus. He also told me I was so smart and would be amazing person as I grew up. He was right! ;)
Some of my dearest friends are men. When I was in college my "little brother" was there for me when I couldn't depend on anyone else. He is such a loving person that I couldn't help but love him back. His sense of humor and silliness allowed me to tap into my own. I remember a late night trip he, my best gal pal, my roommate and I took to Walmart. We ran around the store in McDonald's Halloween costumes at about three or four in the morning. Then there are my two rocks. My actor friend who drives me to just shut up and do it. Get away from my fears. He tells it like it is, and so do I. So we piss each other off often, but hey, it works! And my spiritual brotha who cooks like no otha! LOL He gives me the godly guidance we all need. When I need someone to pray with and for me, he is there.
Then there's my godson, my nephews and my friends' sons. I see the hope in their eyes. The joy in their hearts. Little brothas forging their way in the world. And for them I dream of the future for them, and one day sons of my own. I see the purity of their love and it blesses my heart.
So you're probably thinking...but what does that have to do with the men you date? Huh? See you haven't even said anything about them.
I had to give you the foundation. My foundation. All of the men I mentioned had negative as well as positive qualities. However, because they were able to lay SOME positive foundations, eventually that is what I CHOSE to look at and seek out in the men I date.
I look at Black men and I see love, respect, strength, creativity and courage. That is the lens I choose to look through. I haven't been perfect in my dating choices. I have chosen to date men for the wrong reasons. I have chosen the right men for the wrong reasons, and the wrong men for the right reasons. However that has nothing to do with Black men. I love them. I have dated thugs and nerds. Athletes and couch potatoes. Single fathers and men who never wanted kids. And they all treated me with respect. If ever one didn't, I learned how to leave him alone. Continuously submitting yourself to pain is an ill choice.
When I think of love my first thought is of God. My second is of strong families, headed by loving men. There is such joy I feel in my heart when I see Black men loving and giving to their families. And I want that for myself. It has nothing to do with how I feel about any other race of men. I just absolutely love brothas.
Swagger is superficial, I often hear people say that's why they love Black men. Well I love them because of their STRENGTH. Flash has no substance. I love them because of their FEARLESSNESS. Creativity is good. I love them because of their CREATOR. He sculpted them through turmoil, trials and tribulations. He divinely built an everlasting spirit within them that calls out to me. I love them, and I want for them the best that life has to offer. And since the Black men in my life have nurtured me to believe I am the best...I want a brother to have me! ;-)
I love them!
I watched my daddy build things with his hands. Like my pink castle for an elementary school project replete with a working drawbridge. I added the little men and other details. He later built one for my sister, hers was silver. He had a workout bench where he would lift weights. And he played basketball on the weekends. From him, I learned that men are strong. He challenged me to be better. "I can't ain't ever done nothing." Is what he'd say. So I could never use the words "I can't". If I couldn't do it one way, I'd have to find another way to do it, because according to him, I can do anything.
My mama's brother was my earliest male role model when I was little. And I was spoiled rotten. He taught me magic tricks, how to play basketball, and let me do what I wanted. He protected me when I got into trouble and laughed when I did silly things. He told me I was strong and let me lift weights! LOL. He never treated me like I was fragile, but if ever I did cry, he was there to wipe away my tears.
I had another uncle who died at the tender age of twenty-six. He gave my sister her first pet, a shaggy brown dog named Dusty, and me my love for creativity. He was artistic, and taught me how to draw. His skills were amazing. So I would mimic his drawings. I remember in art class my teacher gushed over my drawings of leaves. lol. And my drawings of dinosaurs were placed in the library for years. The librarian asked me who taught me how to draw, and I proudly said my uncle. Losing him when I was barely a teenager impacted me for life.
Then my uncle on my father's side was my inspiration for drive. He was also my protector on the school bus. I was a little bitty something riding a bus in South Carolina with kids from the age of four to eighteen. He would pick me up and hold me on his hip, as he stood holding onto the rail of the overcrowded bus. He also told me I was so smart and would be amazing person as I grew up. He was right! ;)
Some of my dearest friends are men. When I was in college my "little brother" was there for me when I couldn't depend on anyone else. He is such a loving person that I couldn't help but love him back. His sense of humor and silliness allowed me to tap into my own. I remember a late night trip he, my best gal pal, my roommate and I took to Walmart. We ran around the store in McDonald's Halloween costumes at about three or four in the morning. Then there are my two rocks. My actor friend who drives me to just shut up and do it. Get away from my fears. He tells it like it is, and so do I. So we piss each other off often, but hey, it works! And my spiritual brotha who cooks like no otha! LOL He gives me the godly guidance we all need. When I need someone to pray with and for me, he is there.
Then there's my godson, my nephews and my friends' sons. I see the hope in their eyes. The joy in their hearts. Little brothas forging their way in the world. And for them I dream of the future for them, and one day sons of my own. I see the purity of their love and it blesses my heart.
So you're probably thinking...but what does that have to do with the men you date? Huh? See you haven't even said anything about them.
I had to give you the foundation. My foundation. All of the men I mentioned had negative as well as positive qualities. However, because they were able to lay SOME positive foundations, eventually that is what I CHOSE to look at and seek out in the men I date.
I look at Black men and I see love, respect, strength, creativity and courage. That is the lens I choose to look through. I haven't been perfect in my dating choices. I have chosen to date men for the wrong reasons. I have chosen the right men for the wrong reasons, and the wrong men for the right reasons. However that has nothing to do with Black men. I love them. I have dated thugs and nerds. Athletes and couch potatoes. Single fathers and men who never wanted kids. And they all treated me with respect. If ever one didn't, I learned how to leave him alone. Continuously submitting yourself to pain is an ill choice.
When I think of love my first thought is of God. My second is of strong families, headed by loving men. There is such joy I feel in my heart when I see Black men loving and giving to their families. And I want that for myself. It has nothing to do with how I feel about any other race of men. I just absolutely love brothas.
Swagger is superficial, I often hear people say that's why they love Black men. Well I love them because of their STRENGTH. Flash has no substance. I love them because of their FEARLESSNESS. Creativity is good. I love them because of their CREATOR. He sculpted them through turmoil, trials and tribulations. He divinely built an everlasting spirit within them that calls out to me. I love them, and I want for them the best that life has to offer. And since the Black men in my life have nurtured me to believe I am the best...I want a brother to have me! ;-)
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From Charlotte Parenting Magazine |
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MsALWalker