"Its ok let em cheat" by Shanel Cooper-Sykes
One of my male readers (s/o to T. Craig) asked that I take a look at the video below "Its (sic) ok let em cheat" by Shanel-Cooper Sykes, author of Stilettos in the Kitchen. (For more on the topic of cheating, check out the ebook.)
I'll start on the positive with my feelings about this video. I'll go to the negatives. Then I'll wrap it up with positive. LOL
I understand where Shanel comes from with her notions on why some men cheat. I even wrote about it in the blog post, "You made him cheat." Any time there is a breach at home, there is an opening for temptation to come in. So yes, if you're not meeting his needs, he may get TEMPTED to stray. However when a man loves AND respects you, he won't do it. Respect for you will guide him away from the temptation and toward finding a way to resolve your issues. That same respect will make him think about how his actions will affect you. And the love will assist him in not wanting to hurt you. Men are big on respect, giving it and receiving it.
I also agree with Shanel on the not opening your legs part. If a man has not yet met the "authentic woman that you are," it does not give him an opportunity to gain that necessary respect. Women tend to love change. Men, not so much. So if you are met as a "drop it down and bust it loose," type of chick, it becomes difficult to see you any other kind of way. Not impossible. But difficult. So don't make it so hard on yourself. LOL
Now the negatives...
Men being able to love:
Ok, Shanel goes on this initial thing about men not knowing how to love because they didn't have to love their mothers back. But then she tells you to become a woman like his mother...eeeerrrrrhhhh? Ok...wait. If you paid any attention, you see that doesn't make any sense. If he doesn't know how to love back...why does becoming his mother make him love you, when she only taught him how to RECEIVE love. Right. It doesn't.
So basically Shanel and I started out on the wrong foot LOL. You all know I love men. I love my guy friends, the men who helped raise me, and some of the men I've dated. So Shanel and I had very different experiences when it comes to men, apparently.
Little boys and little girls share something in common. The gift of being openly loving. Over time that gift may be taken away by life's circumstances. So maybe Shanel has run into men who had that gift taken at an early age. But there is nothing I've witnessed that tells me men do not know how to give love. Some just give it more freely than others. Just as women, men also have walls up when it comes to their hearts.
Fake science
Ok...I busted out laughing when I heard the part about 7 women to 1 man. Where did that stat come from? I think it has been repeated so many time or taken from the notion that some have said about Islamic men having 7 virgins waiting for them in heaven? *shrugs* But the truth is, world-wide there are more men than women. As we get into the elderly stage women do outlive men. But in the prime dating/mating/marrying age we are pretty much even here in the US. (Look at this chart if you don't believe me.)
Now the monogamy thing. I had this debate before. People keep pushing this whole "it's not natural for a man to be with one woman," nonsense and then calling it a European construct or some other form or fashion to prove that men do not function that way. But they always leave out indigenous populations of the past where women had multiple husbands. Yep. The Massai tribe is an example of a group where polyandry was long practiced. So in turn is it not natural for women to be with one man?
Then they want to throw in the Bible. Okay...if we want to go there. If it wasn't natural...then why did God only create 1 woman for Adam instead of multiple women? Right...you didn't think of that did ya? LMBO
It may be a natural urge for men to release...but there is nothing that stops him from releasing into the same woman. Men are not wild beasts...
Which brings me to another point...
Domesticating men???
Ok, I found this part highly offensive. I've heard women say this so many times about training and/or taming a man. WTF? Are you with some kind of zoo animal? I promise you even men have evolved into thinking, feeling human beings over time. *sarcasm* SMH. That nonsense is the most disrespectful thing I heard in this video. Men are not wild creatures or children. And when you treat them as such, you devalue them as human beings. And that's why you find yourself being bitter and mistreated. You get what you put out there. And the men co-signing on that foolishness need to have their heads examined.
If you want a man who needs to be tamed...and babied. then trust me, you will continue to find yourself hurt, done wrong, and in a state of utter confusion.
To sum up the negative...
I'm not feeling this bull-ish! LOL. And I try not to promote people sending ill messages that do more damage to people than good. But of course, talking about this here is free promotion... But remember as I always say...be mindful of the negative messages you're being sent.
Let me end on a good note...
I'm not going to knock Shanel Cooper-Sykes's hustle. Her website is fantastic. Her marketing strategy is out of this world good. She knows her audience, and she pitches to them in an amazing way.
I'll start on the positive with my feelings about this video. I'll go to the negatives. Then I'll wrap it up with positive. LOL
I understand where Shanel comes from with her notions on why some men cheat. I even wrote about it in the blog post, "You made him cheat." Any time there is a breach at home, there is an opening for temptation to come in. So yes, if you're not meeting his needs, he may get TEMPTED to stray. However when a man loves AND respects you, he won't do it. Respect for you will guide him away from the temptation and toward finding a way to resolve your issues. That same respect will make him think about how his actions will affect you. And the love will assist him in not wanting to hurt you. Men are big on respect, giving it and receiving it.
I also agree with Shanel on the not opening your legs part. If a man has not yet met the "authentic woman that you are," it does not give him an opportunity to gain that necessary respect. Women tend to love change. Men, not so much. So if you are met as a "drop it down and bust it loose," type of chick, it becomes difficult to see you any other kind of way. Not impossible. But difficult. So don't make it so hard on yourself. LOL
Now the negatives...
Men being able to love:
Ok, Shanel goes on this initial thing about men not knowing how to love because they didn't have to love their mothers back. But then she tells you to become a woman like his mother...eeeerrrrrhhhh? Ok...wait. If you paid any attention, you see that doesn't make any sense. If he doesn't know how to love back...why does becoming his mother make him love you, when she only taught him how to RECEIVE love. Right. It doesn't.
So basically Shanel and I started out on the wrong foot LOL. You all know I love men. I love my guy friends, the men who helped raise me, and some of the men I've dated. So Shanel and I had very different experiences when it comes to men, apparently.
Little boys and little girls share something in common. The gift of being openly loving. Over time that gift may be taken away by life's circumstances. So maybe Shanel has run into men who had that gift taken at an early age. But there is nothing I've witnessed that tells me men do not know how to give love. Some just give it more freely than others. Just as women, men also have walls up when it comes to their hearts.
Fake science
Ok...I busted out laughing when I heard the part about 7 women to 1 man. Where did that stat come from? I think it has been repeated so many time or taken from the notion that some have said about Islamic men having 7 virgins waiting for them in heaven? *shrugs* But the truth is, world-wide there are more men than women. As we get into the elderly stage women do outlive men. But in the prime dating/mating/marrying age we are pretty much even here in the US. (Look at this chart if you don't believe me.)
Now the monogamy thing. I had this debate before. People keep pushing this whole "it's not natural for a man to be with one woman," nonsense and then calling it a European construct or some other form or fashion to prove that men do not function that way. But they always leave out indigenous populations of the past where women had multiple husbands. Yep. The Massai tribe is an example of a group where polyandry was long practiced. So in turn is it not natural for women to be with one man?
Then they want to throw in the Bible. Okay...if we want to go there. If it wasn't natural...then why did God only create 1 woman for Adam instead of multiple women? Right...you didn't think of that did ya? LMBO
It may be a natural urge for men to release...but there is nothing that stops him from releasing into the same woman. Men are not wild beasts...
Which brings me to another point...
Domesticating men???
Ok, I found this part highly offensive. I've heard women say this so many times about training and/or taming a man. WTF? Are you with some kind of zoo animal? I promise you even men have evolved into thinking, feeling human beings over time. *sarcasm* SMH. That nonsense is the most disrespectful thing I heard in this video. Men are not wild creatures or children. And when you treat them as such, you devalue them as human beings. And that's why you find yourself being bitter and mistreated. You get what you put out there. And the men co-signing on that foolishness need to have their heads examined.
If you want a man who needs to be tamed...and babied. then trust me, you will continue to find yourself hurt, done wrong, and in a state of utter confusion.
To sum up the negative...
I'm not feeling this bull-ish! LOL. And I try not to promote people sending ill messages that do more damage to people than good. But of course, talking about this here is free promotion... But remember as I always say...be mindful of the negative messages you're being sent.
Let me end on a good note...
I'm not going to knock Shanel Cooper-Sykes's hustle. Her website is fantastic. Her marketing strategy is out of this world good. She knows her audience, and she pitches to them in an amazing way.
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