#4 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend, @CLTGeechie



Why do people still get married?
#4 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend, @CLTGeechie looks at the male psyche of a married chef, husband, father, minister and what he thinks about the importance of marriage.

Today's Guy: S. Starks aka @cltgeechie
How I know him: We met at work and eventually became friends. He keeps me on my spiritual toes.
Relationship status: Married with kids.
 
So I hit my "spiritual brotha" up after one of my readers asked me to pose a question about marriage. She asked me if I'd ask the question about why so many marriages aren't working, after receiving info that some of her friends were divorcing.  That isn't his wedding in the photo, it is from a coworker's wedding I attended.


CW:  Hey dude. My topic for today is "Why did I get married." And since you're one of my guy friends who did get married. Why did you? lol


SS:  I got married for several reasons. 1. Because I believe in the institution of marriage and its divine design. 2. I believed that I found the perfect person for me to spend the rest of my life with. 3. I have always wanted a family.

CW:  Why do you feel other men are hesitant about getting married?

SS:  Other men are hesitant about getting married because they are immature and don't understand the institution.

CW: Well apparently some folks who are marrying don't understand it either, with the divorce rate being what it is, ya know?  The other day one of my readers asked me to pose a question about what makes marriage fail... But I want to know from you, what makes marriage work?

SS:  Work makes a marriage work. Both parties must be willing to work their hardest to make things work. Both parties must sacrifice themselves for the sake of the marriage.

CW: I think marriage is the hardest job anyone can ever have LOL! Maybe that's why I've been dragging my feet.  Do you think marriage is for everybody?

SS:  Marriage is definitely not for everyone. A person must be selfless, and not self-centered in order to thrive in a marriage. Most marriages fail for selfish reasons.  I know you'll get there soon...now that you let go of that selfishness..just work on the shallowness LOL

CW:  *side eye*...Anyway...this is not about me! lol...You remember that blog, I posted a blog a while ago asking how do you make a man say I do. Do you think a woman can get a man to commit?

SS:  Yeah, and my answer is No! It is not the woman's place to make the man say I do. Traditionally the man asks the woman to take his last name because she is leaving her family to become a part of his new family. If it were the woman's place to make the man commit, then the woman should also make the man take her last name.

CW: Ha!! Now that's a novel idea..hmmm taking my last name...ummm...just kidding. I am a traditionalist! lol...People do get a little nervous about commitment though...you know, cold feet.  What would you tell someone who is on the fence about getting married?

SS: Don't do it. If you are on the fence, then your are not ready.

CW:  Shoot...then nobody would ever get married! Like I said before, that is hard work!  What do you believe is the hardest thing about being married? And what's the easiest?

SS: The hardest thing about being married is melding the ideas, cultures, traditions, and beliefs of two seperate people. Sometimes people try to hold onto being individuals and separate too much.  The easiest thing about being married is spending time with the person you love.

CW: Awwww that's sweet! I know the Mrs. will appreciate that.  You know I believe the only way you can really love someone for real is if you know them well.  What's your feeling on that idea that you won't really know someone until you live with them, so you should live together before marriage?

SS:  No, you don't get an idea of who a person is until you get married. Living together doesn't necessarily give you a clear picture of all the intricacies of a person because living together doesn't demand the same commitment as marriage.

CW:  Do you think more people should consider marrying instead of say, shacking up? Have you ever "shacked"?

SS: Yes, more mature selfless adults should consider marriage instead of shacking up. I think anyone considering having children or anyone who has children and is not married should consider marriage if they are mature and selfless enough to do it. Men, women and children benefit from marriage. I have never "shacked" so to speak, but I did spend most of my time at an ex's house and alot of my belongings were over there.I did, however have my own place to go home to.
CW:  mmm.hmmm sounds like shackin' to me! bwahahahaha!!! Thank you for sharing your geechie wisdom! lol...you know everyone will appreciate it, since they believe men don't like to commit.  You're proving them wrong.  Any final words of wisdom?

SS:  Most men desire the consistency found in a marriage. However, alot of men have not matured enough to give up the trappings of the bachelor life to benefit from the aspects of marriage. It is proven that men are happier, and live longer when in a succesful marriage. After being a bachelor and then becoming a married man, I must say that the married life is definitely for me.

What do you think about this peek into the male psyche? Is marriage for everyone or just the people willing to go through the ups and downs? 

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