#11 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend.

M. Medley, host The Reading Circle,
WP 88.7, also heard online
http://thereadingcircleblog.blogspot.com/

Today's Guy:  Marc Medley, radio host, blogger, and educator.

How I know him:  We follow each other on Twitter

Today's topic:   Why Men Sometimes will Not Say Anything or Lie to A Woman If He Thinks She Will Be Angry, Her Feelings Will Be Hurt, or  There will be Negative Consequences

One day I typed on Twitter that men sometimes lie, not to deceive, but out of fear of the reaction a woman would have to the truth.  Of course this was met with ire.  No one should lie.  But just because no one should, it doesn't mean no one will.  My point was that in order to get the truth more often than not, you may want to check your reactions to it.  Again, it was met with rebuttals and at some points anger...from women.  There was one brave soul who spoke up to affirm what I said.  A man who goes by the Twitter name: @readingcircle01

Here's what he had to say about the issue:

Me:  Thank you so much for shedding light on this issue.  I think sometimes it is better for women to hear/read things directly from the horse's mouth.

MM:  I promised my thoughts on this a while back and never had an opportunity to sit down and write my thoughts. I have some time during the holiday break and thought I'd add my two cents.

Me:  A lot of women fervently believe that men are just liars. Point Blank! No exceptions.  I think sometimes men feel compelled to not share the unadulterated truth.  What do you think?

MM:  In general I believe men (and women for that matter) tell the truth most of the time; however, there are instances where men will tell what is felt to be or known to be a "little white lie" (even though there is no such thing....a lie is a lie is a lie) when he knows the reaction from the female is likely to be violent, lead to an argument that is not worth it, or will lead to again a lot of drama that just is not worth going through based on the situation.

Me:   Right! I think my point to women was to stop overreacting so much, and men would tell the truth. But if your reaction is outrageous, you will probably get lied to.

MM:  I have been in situations where I was telling the truth and was still told that I was lying. If a man knows that his saying that he was "hanging out with his boys" is going to cause major problems, he is likely to just say he was working late, especially if indeed it was innocent and no harm done. (I am not talking about having any affairs....let's get that clear). It also might even be a case of just telling the woman what she would like to hear just to keep the peace.

Me:  I think, as with most points of contention, men and women go into situations with preconceived notions, and no one works to become understanding of the other.  So the preconceived notions rule the relationship.  You already believe men lie...lying is what you'll get.  You already believe women are conniving...conniving is what you will get.  So you are already in a lose-lose situation.


MM:  The bottom line is a trust base has to be in place for both parties in order for open and honest communication to take place. I am not at all advocating that either party tell any lies because it just leads to further trouble down the road, but at the same time, I can understand depending on who the man is dealing with, where a logical story, or saying something that is likely to be accepted without drama is told in order to move on. (Everything I am saying holds true conversely as well.)

Me:  Interesting perspective.  So sometimes it boils down to the type of person you choose to be with.

MM:   Sometimes self esteem, depression, or unknown background issues cause the woman to be untrusting and the least little thing causes her to go off or to begin accusing. This may also drive the man to just say whatever he feels will keep the peace.

Me:  Great points.  Do you have any advice for people to keep the peace and truth flowing in their relationships?

MM:  I say again, a trust base MUST be established up front to avoid this scenario, and if it turns out that it is something that must occur on a regular basis, something is wrong that needs to be corrected.

This has been edited, so there was more to what Mr. Medley had to say, but you'll have to read that later.  This was not an attempt to blame the victim... It was meant to provide you with a little understanding as to why people sometimes fail to tell the whole truth, or any truth for that matter.