#30 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend
Today's Guy: Anonymous
How long I've known him: A while
Status: Single and looking
Today's Topic: Online dating
So anonymous and I have had discussions throughout his online dating experience, which has been brief but very eventful. In this blog, I cover three scenarios that colored his online dating experience. This will not be in an interview format, as we talked over a period of time from joining the site to now. There are slight changes to the scenarios so as to protect the innocent.
JOINING THE SITE
Anonymous joined a popular site that matches participants with potential mates based on similar interests, wants and desires of a mate, and physical attributes. The first night he was cool about trying it out. Then once his profile was up and the hits kept coming he was geeked!
What he said: Man! If I was like I used to be, this online thing would be open season. I would be a dog. My profile hasn't been up for five minutes, and I already have a lot of women hitting me up. And they are good quality women.
Me: But why do you think they are on there? I don't know about all of that...You haven't been on there thirty seconds and chicks are jumping? Some'n ain't right about that.
What he said: Nah, I like that. They see a good thing and they are on it!
Me: Mmmmhmmm... we'll see.
What he said: I like the fact that they are willing to try different things to get what they want. Nothing wrong with that...but I'm telling you! I'm glad I'm not like I used to be, this would be too easy.So each day Anonymous stayed on this dating site, he became more excited about the possibilities. There were women of all types, but more importantly women who were his type. He would get the occasional woman who he would never think twice about, and then he was stricken by three particular women. They were smart, in shape, career minded, and had similar interests.
Messages and online flirting became phone calls and plans to meet. Things were looking up. He told me one lady was a former athlete with no children and they actually had a mutual friend. She was gorgeous and driven. Another was a sweetheart, a southern belle who hadn't gone out much and wasn't tainted by the club scene ever. The final one was a mother with a stellar career, and good sense about herself.
SEEING IS BELIEVING
The one sketchy thing about online dating is you never know who people are IRL. You get the profile version, but whether or not the people are who they say they are, or are someone completely different, cannot be deciphered through a couple of conversations. A profile is just that: A PROFILE. It is a glimpse of who the whole person may be if they meet the qualities they claim.
Anonymous had spoken with these ladies quite frequently and was happy that they seemed normal and met his desire. A couple of them had stronger showings than the other, but he was interested in seeing who they were and what they were about...even contemplating what their futures might be like. Then they met...
- First up: So icy
What he said: Well, I met ol' girl who was an athlete. She was pretty, she looked better than her pictures. She was pretty cool on the phone, but seemed a little standoffish in person. I mean we hung out and her conversation was a bit weird. But I figured she was probably a nervous. You know it is different when stuff gets real.
Me: Yeah...I guess so. What was weird about it?
What he said: She just seemed to have some weird philosophies on how relationships should go. She wasn't really into the romance of it at all. Seems like she just saw relationships like a business deal and that was it. I guess that's what she saw growing up.
But that isn't me. I want it all. And you know I need attention and affection. She said she wasn't into that at all and could have a marriage where the husband had his own room and she had hers. I mean...it kinda made me want to think long and hard about this one.
Right now she's running in third...the other girl who is quiet is looking like first or second right now.
- Up next: You've been telling lies...and I know the truth
What he said: So I've been talking to the country girl. She's really sweet. Just seems a little naive, like she hasn't been out there much. I think that is good though. Shoot, you don't have to worry about any drama or her being all loose... haha!
Me: Uh oh! Let me find out you like a good girl! That's good. Maybe she's on the site because she doesn't get out much. I can understand that.
What he said: Yeah and she's college educated with no kids and no drama.
Me: So y'all are going to go out?
What he said: Yeah, we're going to go hiking. Haha! That way I can see how fit she is...that should be a good way to see it at least.So...eventually they go out and what happens next was interesting...
What he said: You know me and ol' girl went out right? The good girl...She is fiiiiinee!!
Me: That's good. So she wasn't perpetrating a fraud, huh? LOL
What he said: Nope! She seemed a little shy, but she looked good. Shoot...I'm two for two right now. She is definitely showing some strong potential. And she didn't have any crazy ideas about relationships...There might be something there...at least potential for it.But...but...wait it gets... A few days later I get a phone call...
What he said: You remember that lady I told you about? The one who seemed a little sheltered?
Me: Yeah... y'all had a good date the other day. You ready to pop the question or something? LOL
What he said: Man no! She lied to me. Well...she didn't lie... she just didn't tell me everything, which is just as bad as a lie.
Me: Huh? What did she lie about?
What he said: This chick isn't some ole naive sheltered type. She used to be a stripper... AND she has kids and doesn't have custody of any of them.
Me: Shut up!! I'm rolling right now! What?!?! How did you find out? You're playing right?! You have to be playing...I don't even want to believe this...You're playing...
What he said: No! I ain't playing! She sent me a text this morning because we were supposed to go out again. We had just had a long talk last night...Getting deeper into what we like and don't like and what we expect out of people and what not. Then she hit me with "I got something I need to talk to you about."
So I called her, and she said she wanted to go ahead and tell me before things went too far. She stripped to pay her way through school, and her ex husband ended up getting custody of her children.
Me: Ummm...well at least she told you. It isn't like you're in a relationship. LOL. But whoa...that's a whammy. So I guess that wasn't on her profile. See...I told you about this online stuff...everything ain't always what it seems.
What he said: Well the stripping thing...it is what it is. I can't knock her for that, you have to do what you have to do. But how do you hide a husband and kids? And how did she lose the kids? That just don't sit well with me.
Me: You will never know until you ask. But that's some serious stuff right there...
- Finally: A picture is worth a thousand lies
Anonymous's voice-mail: Where are you? I need your help. I've been calling both your phones, and you aren't picking up.
A couple hours later, I call back and we talk.
Me: What the heck is going on? Man...I'm not 911... What was wrong with you?
What he said: That girl with the child is on ********.com perpetrating a fraud! She got pictures up from ten years ago! She said she played volleyball, she looks more like she played linebacker for the Carolina Panthers.
Me: Oooh you are so wrong! Was it really that bad? What happened? I'm crying laughing right now...
What he said: It is not funny! She shouldn't have put those old pictures up there. She USED to be in shape. She was talking on the phone like she was still in shape. She's in shape alright, but it ain't the shape I like. And not only that. That chick had body odor!
I'm glad we ended up meeting up instead of riding together.
Me: Don't you think you're being a little extra? It couldn't have been that bad. I mean y'all had great convo from what you told me... It's not like she can't lose weight. Was it really THAT BAD?
What he said: I mean she could, but she needs to do something about that body odor too. I mean, I'm just not interested anymore. That killed it for me. And afterwards, I told her that I didn't think things were going to work out.
Me: How did she react?
What he said: She went off. She said she felt like I led her on. That she's being played and I didn't have to reach out to her if I wasn't interested. This chick might be crazy...ONLINE DATING
Anonymous's online dating experience was exactly how I had imagined it would be, but that does not mean that everyone will have the same experience. I know quite a few people who found their mates online and are happily hitched.
Granted, the likelihood of running into nuts and desperados is pretty high in online communities, IMHO, but you could run into that on the streets as well. People are out there trying to get it and they bring with them all types of issues and foolishness. You just have to slow down and get passed the initial attraction.
Could Anonymous have had a better experience? Sure...but the experiences he had weren't all horrible.
What do you think? Is online dating worse than meeting people anywhere else? What are the pros and cons?
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