Do players owe you more than the truth?
When I was dating for fun, I used to say, as long as I'm honest, you shouldn't have a problem with anything I say or do. I operated on a full disclosure basis. So everything should have been cool, right?
WRONG!!
I later found out that I had caused some hurt feelings and heartache, when all I was doing was having fun. Later, as I watched some of my friends in their dating situations, I often found myself saying "well he told you what it was from the beginning, didn't he? What's the problem?" or "You knew he didn't want a relationship. Why did you set yourself up?"
Even still, I could not help but have compassion for those friends who really felt they could change the guys. Even in my particular case with the guys I dated, I finally realized how some could hold such ill feelings about my non-commitment thing. I was not like the other women they dated. I wasn't clingy. I wasn't loose. We talked about everything. We joked and always enjoyed each others company. While we were hanging out, a guy felt like he was the only guy I ever wanted to go out with. So it created a sense of hope...just enough that he may hang around to see if I would change my mind.
So with some of my homegirls who date guys who don't want to commit, I see somewhat similar things play out. The guy is who she wants. He lavishes her with attention when they are together, just enough to get her hooked. Even though his words say, "I don't want a commitment", his actions say "I'm all yours, just give me time to get myself together."
So yes the "player" does have some responsibility for the person/people he/she is "playing" with. Why? Because you go in knowing that the other person cannot handle the fact that you don't want to commit, no matter what the person says. ESPECIALLY when the person initially tells you he/she wants a commitment.
So there is a little bit more of a duty than just saying: BEWARE!!!!
For your own safety, well-being and peace of mind, you owe that person the duty of leaving him or her alone. It is not worth the headache to become involved with a person who will try his/her best to tie you down, when you do not want to be tied down. No matter how good it feels to be around them at the time, you do both parties a disservice.
Maybe it is too much to ask. Because truth be told, most players are in a self-preservation, self-centered, selfish state of mind. And there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that type of mindset when you have not committed to anyone. But you also don't want to cause collateral damage that may come back to haunt you when you are ready to settle down. I'm just saying...Play all you want, but make sure you don't play with the wrong person.
Do you think it is wrong to be a player? Even if you're honest about it? And what are the duties and responsibilites of each party? The player? The played?
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| Noa, actor Do players have a duty to protect you from their playing? |
WRONG!!
I later found out that I had caused some hurt feelings and heartache, when all I was doing was having fun. Later, as I watched some of my friends in their dating situations, I often found myself saying "well he told you what it was from the beginning, didn't he? What's the problem?" or "You knew he didn't want a relationship. Why did you set yourself up?"
Even still, I could not help but have compassion for those friends who really felt they could change the guys. Even in my particular case with the guys I dated, I finally realized how some could hold such ill feelings about my non-commitment thing. I was not like the other women they dated. I wasn't clingy. I wasn't loose. We talked about everything. We joked and always enjoyed each others company. While we were hanging out, a guy felt like he was the only guy I ever wanted to go out with. So it created a sense of hope...just enough that he may hang around to see if I would change my mind.
So with some of my homegirls who date guys who don't want to commit, I see somewhat similar things play out. The guy is who she wants. He lavishes her with attention when they are together, just enough to get her hooked. Even though his words say, "I don't want a commitment", his actions say "I'm all yours, just give me time to get myself together."
So yes the "player" does have some responsibility for the person/people he/she is "playing" with. Why? Because you go in knowing that the other person cannot handle the fact that you don't want to commit, no matter what the person says. ESPECIALLY when the person initially tells you he/she wants a commitment.
So there is a little bit more of a duty than just saying: BEWARE!!!!
For your own safety, well-being and peace of mind, you owe that person the duty of leaving him or her alone. It is not worth the headache to become involved with a person who will try his/her best to tie you down, when you do not want to be tied down. No matter how good it feels to be around them at the time, you do both parties a disservice.
Maybe it is too much to ask. Because truth be told, most players are in a self-preservation, self-centered, selfish state of mind. And there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that type of mindset when you have not committed to anyone. But you also don't want to cause collateral damage that may come back to haunt you when you are ready to settle down. I'm just saying...Play all you want, but make sure you don't play with the wrong person.
Do you think it is wrong to be a player? Even if you're honest about it? And what are the duties and responsibilites of each party? The player? The played?
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