#17 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend.

If you're unhappy, is cheating an option?

Today's Guy:  M.A., financial counselor

How Long I've known him:  We met at some point in college. He went to a rival school.

Today's Topic:   Staying in a go nowhere relationship/cheating

So M.A. and I were talking the other day.  There was some flirting and I asked the big question...Are you in a relationship?! He admitted that he was, I said I don't get down with other women's men...and that opened up a can of worms! LOL.. As you can see, I can turn a normal conversation into an interview...especially when it is an important topic.

Me:  You basically told me you are in a relationship, but not IN the relationship... Umm if you're not IN it, why not leave?

M.A.:  Because I'm not ready to leave.

Me:  You're just stringing her along until what? You find something else?

M.A.: No that's not it.  It's just that the time hasn't been right to do it. She hasn't done anything wrong.  She isn't a bad person.

Me:  That doesn't do her any good.  You wanting to go, but just staying for what? Finding a hallmark moment?

M.A.:  No...I just don't want to hurt her.  When I'm like, ok, I'll talk to her today. I'll get  a text message saying I love you.

Me: Do you say I love you back?

M.A.: Yeah, because I do. I'm just not in love with her.

Me: So you're saying the spark is gone?

M.A.: Yeah, all the way out.  I'll turn it over and go to sleep, so she won't touch me.  Like when I know she wants to have sex.

Me: Wait...whoa whoa!  Wait a minute...say what? I don't think I know any guy who would do that! Wow!

M.A.: I'm not the only dude I know who does that.

Me:  Goodness!!! Big Question...

M.A.: What's the question?

Me.:  Are you getting it from somewhere else?

M.A.: I have before.

Me.: Did you feel guilty about that?

M.A.:  I did at first, but then I started liking the girl.

Me:  And what happened, did you keep it going with both of them?

M.A.: There wasn't much I could do.  You know there's no woman who is going to sit around and wait on you, you know to decide what you want to do.

Me:  So she knew you were in a relationship?

M.A.: Yeah.

Me:  Are you still in the relationship with your girl? Are you still cheating on her?

M.A.: I'm not really cheating on her.  I'm not seeing anyone else or anything.

Me:  Did your girlfriend know when you were cheating?

M.A.:  Yeah.  She actually emailed the girl and said "I'm with M.A., so you need to leave him alone!"

Me:  Man...that's kinda messed up.  How did the other girl react?

M.A.:  She didn't say anything to her, but with me, we just cut it off.  She didn't want to wait around.

Me:   So the "love" holiday just passed. What did you do for Valentine's day? Did you treat it like good times and act as usual?

M.A.: We did it on the weekend, but I spent half of it with my child. (she's not the child's mother.)

Me:  So, I don't get it, why stay in an unhappy relationship.

M.A.:  Y'all women don't ever understand.

Me:  No. I can't speak for other women. I just don't understand. If I'm not happy in a relationship, I know how to let it go.

M.A.:  Even when the person is a good person? And the person is good to you?

Me: Well prolonging it won't help.  And just because the person is a "good" person, doesn't mean they are the good person for you, or you for him/her!

M.A.: I mean...it is like you don't want to hurt the person. I don't know...I think I'll be single for the rest of my life.

Me:  Why is that? What's wrong with relationships?

M.A.: It's boring. She's bourgeoisie and I'm not.

Me:  How long have you felt this way?

M.A.: It's been about a year.

Me:  Let me ask you this...did you like her when you first met? I mean did you have anything in common?

M.A.:  Well, at the time my baby mama had broke my da** heart, and I just wanted to try something different.  And she was different.  Even when she met me she said I was hood and needed to change.  And well, no we didn't have anything in common.  But she was a nice girl, and I wanted to try something different than my baby's mama.

Me:  Was she like the rebound chick or something?

M.A.:  No not really.  I had gone through all of that. I mean I had women in and out all the time for a while.  Then I was ready for something serious, and she and I had a mutual friend, who hooked it up.

Me:  So how long are you going to drag this out?  It isn't really fair to her or you either.  She could find someone who thinks she's fly and exciting.  And you can find someone who is hood, but nice! hahaha!

M.A.:  I don't know. I think I'm going to do it, but now is not the best time.