YBBG Topic: Marry me or else and other ultimatums

photo from minglecity.com

So this morning I stopped by the Morning Maddhouse at Power98fm.  I sat in on Battle of the Sexes.  Married friends hanging out with single friends, was the topic. You can listen to the battle here.  Afterwards, the segment on relationship issues, Situations, came on.  The segment happens every Thursday and a listener writes in with a relationship problem.  Today's problem involved a 29 year old woman who has been in a relationship with her 30 year old boyfriend for a year or so.  She wants to get married.  And she wants to know how to push the issue with him.

So we went in on whether or not she's crazy for even thinking about getting married.  How long you should be with someone before you put the whole marriage subject on the table.  Is she what he wants...etc... How does she handle it now? Should she put out an ultimatum?

That brought up the question: Do ultimatums work?

Here are some answers from some of the readers...add yours in the comments.

• They can, but that could also backfire if you back someone into a corner. On issues like commitment, marriage, having children, etc you want someone to do it because their heart moves them to, not because they feel as if they have no choice if they want to keep you around. But different tactics work for different individuals, some people need a nudge in the right direction...can we say it's circumstantial? Idk, but overall, I'm anti-ultimatum! LOL Good question!
• Definitely not in a good way. Pressure busts pipes!
• I'll LOL and walk away...
• They do, but sometimes I feel they can backfire.  You never want anyone to do something because of an ultimatum, but because their pure desire is to do it.
• That one is really interesting because if you are with a person for who they are; it seems as if an ultimatum is trying to somewhat change them!  So if you have to start giving ultimatums, then it's questionable how long that relationship will last!  So, I guess it depends on your level of tolerance in the relationship and how much you care about this person!
• No they do not.  Especially if it's really not something the ultimatum receiver wants to do.  It just makes that person resent the other person in the relationship.