What giving relationship advice has taught me about relationships

I have written a relationship column for going on three years now.  I have given relationship and dating advice for years before that, but I do not consider myself a relationship expert.  Nope. I just like to say I'm a logical thinker with common sense.  I'm also an experienced dater and family law practitioner.  I do not feel people can be experts at relationships because all relationships are different.


Maybe I'm a relationship analyst.  That suits me more.  I study people.  I study couples.  I study marriages and relationships.  So that is what I am. A RELATIONSHIP ANALYST.

In all of my analytic processes, I have discovered something very important:

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO HAVE THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU!

This is important because, I am personally a perfectionist.  I labor over every decision before I make it.  I weigh all my options, consider the consequences and then act...or not.  IF the outcome appears shaky, I don't even attempt to go through with it.  

But I have seen people, who were utter messes, go into relationships that assisted in their stability.  I have spoken to people who give their all to people who really weren't worth it to begin with, and then end in relationships that are beneficial to them both.

It does not make a bit of sense to me. LOL. It is not logical or rational.  But something I have come to realize is that balance comes AFTER instability.  No, I am not changing any of the advice I've given over the years...I stand by every piece because it has helped some folks in major ways.  

What I am do is opening my eyes to the gray areas.  Realizing that perfection is unnecessary.  Perfection is unattainable.  Perfection can be an obstacle.  

What you look for and gain from, is what is perfect for you.