Skip to main content

Tip Jar

Rohan Marley was only about that thing...that thing...that thiiinnggg

Lauryn Hill and Marley on the left, Marley and fiancee, Isabeli
Fontana on the right.
Photo from Ebony.com

So there's an Ebony article about what sistas can learn from Lauryn Hill's situation with Rohan Marley.   Apparently Lauryn had a fifteen year relationship with young Marley and popped out five of his offspring.   Now young Marley is engaged to a younger woman who has no youngins of her own.  One of my cyber people (hey Brit!) pointed out that Rohan is still married to his first wife, whom he married in college.

Who knows? That situation is a mess.

But let's go to the point that the Ebony article attempted to make...I guess. I got a little lost when the writer started lamenting about how marriage doesn't make a woman... So what was the purpose of the article exactly?? I'on know.

To a greater point.  What happens when a person gives their all to someone, only to see them share that all with another?

Last night, I attended a "round table discussion" (I will post more about it later with video) with one of the guy's I interviewed for What He Said. I think he asked the question, "Could you see yourself going from first date to marriage within two years?" I along with another young lady said yes. The other women said "I can't put a time limit on it."

The reason for my answer had nothing to do with ultimatums or time lines...but more so practical dating. I know it does not take two years to figure out whether I could or would marry a dude. Nor is life stipulated on what someone else wants to do.

A lot of "what if he says you're the one, but he is not ready... what will you do?" questions popped up... Ummm...if I'm ready and wanting to marry this particular man...then I decide what I want to do...not wait on him to make the decision for me.

Seems simple to me. The whole "I don't know if I'm ready" thing often means, "I'm not so sure about you..." That's just the truth. A man who knows he wants to marry, will do just that when he is with the woman he wants to be with. Dudes who don't marry women, don't marry them because they are not the women they want to marry.

Then there was the "Steve Harvey said a man has to know who he is, what he wants, and what he's doing..." now at this I almost choked and passed out. First of all, Steve told a dangon lie. (Yes, had to get country for a second...).  Men have been marrying women without a clue as to who they are personally, what they wanted as men, or where they were going for centuries on end. LOL.  Now choosing to marry that guy, is a woman's problem... What are you doing dealing a dude, on a serious level, who doesn't know any of those things?  Love doesn't "just happen"...you choose it.  Surely I digress...

Anyway, back to the point.  For women who end up popping out babies with guys, who they want to marry, but never getting the commitment... Why would you do that anyway? If a marriage is what you want, should not a marriage be what you get? Before you give the benefits of the marriage like a home, kids, shared assets? 

Actually, that's part of what the "round table" was about... "Contingencies"... Are there some things you should have in place, before you give freely of other "benefits"?




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Sense of Safety (Guest Post)

A Sense of Safety: Protection for Survivors of Domestic Violence February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month . Many young adult DV relationships begin during the teen years. When involved in a DV relationship, a person's safety is very often in peril. Nora Hood guest blogs for YBBG in this post. A Sense of Safety: Protection or Survivors of Domestic Violence. Approximately 20,000 calls are made to the National Census of Domestic Violence Services every day. It’s a fact of life for domestic violence survivors who live in fear that a former partner will show up without warning, seeking revenge. Unfortunately, the vast majority of victims haven’t prepared a plan of action, or had security or monitoring devices installed. Protection is a major concern in light of the fact that three women are killed by a partner every day. Providing for your safety and that of your children can seem an overwhelming objective for domestic violence victims who are just trying

Brian Banks, falsely accused of rape by Wanetta Gibson

Brian Banks celebrates with his mama. Photo from LaTimes UPDATE A comment posted below led me to Brian's website  http://brianbanks.org/the-incident/  . There, I read the story from his perspective.  According to him, he and Wanetta Gibson never had sexual intercourse.  They merely fooled around.  At the time he was sixteen years old, which makes his incarceration even more atrocious.  You can continue reading the original post I made below. ______________________________________________________ He was only 17 years old in 2002, and a hot commodity on the football field. One day he links up with a classmate, and they have sex. When the girl's mother finds out, Brian Banks is arrested and charged with rape and kidnapping. He faced 41 years in prison. His attorney advised him to plead no contest to serve less than a quarter of that time. Brian Banks relents. Meanwhile the girl, Wanetta Gibson, continues to keep up the charade.  Her mother eventually sues the Long Bea

Wanetta Gibson's video confession

Wanetta Gibson photo: blacksportsonline Wanetta Gibson was a sophomore, when she met up with Brian Banks, a junior star linebacker, in a stairwell at Long Beach Polytechnic High. They stood in the stairwell making out, and then went their separate ways. That make out session led to an accusation of rape. Watch the video to see Brian tell what happened to him after their make out session. Then you will see the undercover video of Wanetta, ten years later, saying a rape never occurred. Wanetta Gibson reached out to Banks on Facebook, of all places, wanting to "let bygones be bygones".  He set up a meeting with her to be secretly recorded, confessing that a rape never happened.  She met him, but refused to go to court, and didn't even give him the courtesy of an apology. We now know that Brian went to prison off of, what I consider, poor legal advice.  His attorney allegedly told him he would be perceived negatively because he was a big black guy,