#29 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend

Today's Guy: Reginald B.
Claim to fame: Daddy to daughters
How I know him: We post on a discussion board
Topic:   Daddy issues

This is a different "What he said" in that it didn't come by way of an interview, but a question I posted on Facebook. Often we hear about women having "daddy issues", but girl children are not the only ones who have fathers, are they? How do men handle not having their fathers around, or having strained relationships? 

ME: Daddy Issues: Do men have "daddy issues"? If so, how do they manifest?

What he said:



While its not necessarily true that all of these items listed apply to all men that grew up without a father or strong male presence in their lives, a lot of this is true and evident in certain people. 

What happens when fatherless boys grow up and become men? Most often, the emotional challenges they faced as kids follow them into manhood and play a major role in their self-esteem, relationships and careers.

Consider these nine side effects of growing up without a father in the home:
1. Crisis of identity — A boy’s search for self starts with his father. Without a dad, most boys have a harder time knowing who they are and where they came from. As men, they often have difficulty taking initiative and demonstrating leadership.

2. Silent anger — Anger is a deep-rooted side effect of growing up fatherless. When men are unable to place their anger squarely on their father, where it often belongs, they can suffer from frequent bouts of rage or, on the flipside, serious self-loathing.

3. Need to belong — The need to be part of a family or “tribe” is a powerful force in boys. With a father in the picture, a boy has a sense of belonging; without one, he looks outside the family for alliances and, according to research, is more likely to join a gang. As men, boys without fathers frequently choose alliances unwisely.

4. Loss of value — These boys are most likely to grow up poor, and as men, they deal with lifelong repercussions related to education, work and their overall livelihood.

5. Poor judge of character — Without a dad around, boys are frequently left to model character traits from the world around them, including sports, music and movie stars.

6. Lack of respect — Fathers who don’t show up for their sons exemplify disrespect. That’s what they teach their sons, and that’s what their sons, as men, carry with them.

7. An unfilled void — Boys without fathers usually feel incomplete. As men, many try to fill this void with alcohol, drugs, sex, violence and other self-destructive behaviors.

8. Distorted view of sex — Many fatherless boys have a lot of unanswered questions about sex, which is an uncomfortable topic they are not likely to discuss with their moms. In manhood, they often avoid talking about sex or seeking the kind of practical advice that leads to creating healthy and whole relationships.

9. Troubles with love — Boys without fathers often equate love with vulnerability. In adulthood, these men often have issues trusting others in matters of the heart.

Deep thoughts on this matter. What are your thoughts? How does not having a father impact young men when it comes to dating, love, relationships, and life?