Be a gentleman, and you will be treated like one

My homeboy spoke at church yesterday. His sermon was about maturing in the natural and in the spiritual. I rarely hear my homeboys who are COMPLETE GENTLEMEN (I'll be honest...not all of them are LOL...) complain about being investigated like they are trying to become Navy Seals, having women show out on them, being blatantly disrespected or having their manhood questioned.

Whether we want to admit it or not, a man has the power to set the tone for the house. His lack of presence will show up, just as his presence will show out in how his household rises or falls.

Not many of my gentlemanly homeboys complain about carrying out their gentlemanly duties. Like being a lady, it is difficult to describe what it means to be a gentleman. I'm a woman after all, and would prefer that my homeboys explain this to you...but hopefully they will chime in. 

From What He Said, T. Woodbury shows the 

proper way jeans should be worn.

• DRESS LIKE A GENTLEMAN

I must admit, this European cut that has taken over the fashion world for men is killing me. It is not appealing at all, but I guess it works for some people. As I prefer guys who are a slight bit bulkier (not husky...ha! But country boy strong/broad ;) LOL), they just do not look right in European cut clothes...and never will. 

That being said, wearing ill-fitting, or even youthful clothes, will kill some of the respect that a man would often garner with his presence.  Dressing like a ballet dancer, and then expecting someone to look to you with reverence is as crazy as dressing like an inmate and expecting to be trusted. 

• Take care of your hygiene. That means bathe every day and twice to three times on hot dates. (I should not have to say this...but the grunge has taken control of too many)
• Wear clothes that fit the body you have.  The waistlines of pants should hit at YOUR waistline, not your knees. 
• Clothes make the man. If you take pride in your presentation, you will see people treat you better. 
• A suit and tie is not for everyone, find a style that complements your personality, lifestyle, and character.

The other day I went to the mechanic to have my car serviced.  While there, I saw a guy with a lady who I assumed was his mother. He literally had his pants down at his knees, hair matted, and looked as though he had just rolled out of bed. It was three o'clock in the afternoon.

I downed my head in shame...for him.  His mother spoke for him.  His mother apparently drove him there... He appeared to have all of his faculties about him, so I doubt he required all of that assistance or was unable to care for his own hygiene. Which leads me to my point about being a gentleman.


There's a guy in my office building who clearly does not shower every day, and apparently has an aversion to antiperspirant. That may go well when you're a child, but you have grown man odors now.

• THINK LIKE A GENTLEMAN

There are some duties and responsibilities that come with manhood. Men are put on the front lines of life for many reasons. (Yes this is not very feminist of me to say...but alas, I'm not a feminist...).

Men are extremely important in that they determine
the outcomes of generations. So the love and support
they receive in those roles are essential.

Your strength, your wherewithal to think rationally, and sans emotions, your problem solving abilities are indeed needed in order to provide, protect, and promote the welfare of the community at large.  That is a heavy task...but you will be fortified with the tools you need to make that happen, if you start feeding the thoughts that get help you perform. 

• Think of yourself as someone to be respected. Dignity, measured authority, and wisdom garner respect.  You have to feed those things within your spirit. 
• Think before you act. There are consequences to the decisions you make. A right now feeling should be accompanied by some slow movement and meditative thought.
• Think about the people around you. How will your actions help or hurt those you are supposed to provide for, protect, and promote? 
• Think in a manner that asserts your strength so that people know your authority without becoming a dictator. You are a problem solver...not a problem creator. 

I had a great conversation with my friend last evening.  He's working on a book, that I won't reveal any details about, but I think it will be a hit. The amazing thing to me, about him, is that he is a deep thinker.

Now sometimes he can go off on some randomness...but who am I, the Queen of Randomia, to judge? LOL. The mere fact that he stops to assess most situations, and get to the foundation of things is a real grown man attribute. 

It shows a cool head and will lead to better outcomes more often than not. Thinking ahead will keep you in business, as it has him, and out of jail, the poor house, and an early grave most times.

• BEHAVE LIKE A GENTLEMAN

Chivalry is not dead, nor is the existence of gentlemen.  Being a gentleman will not kill you or set you up for being abused...being a fool might.

In this old photo, Brad walks with Angelina
to the left of him. The adage is a man should
hold a lady on the side closest to his heart.

• Protect the people around you. Do not exploit them. The mere fact that you are capable of doing this is a testament to your strength and power. 
• Treat women like women, not adversaries, toys, or burdens. When you do not allow a person to take you out of your character, it speaks volumes of your self control and the quality of your manhood. 
• Assert your authority with tender loving kindness, not brute force or irrational fear.  Be a provider of security, sustenance, wisdom sustainability, and protection. It will be met with love, adoration, nurturing, and support. 
• Do not become overly passive. Look, you are the leader...you have to know how to delegate, but to be the driving force. Your position requires it. No one can take your manhood from you, but they can trample on your security, spirit, and mental stability if you allow it. 

When I go out with my homeboys they open doors, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and typically offer to pick up the tab...no matter what.  Whenever I tell a gentleman story, I harken back to my guy friend who escorted me to my homeboy's wedding years ago.  

He was protective of me.  Lifted me over a puddle. He actually got up to get my food, and quite honestly I was floored. He went above and beyond...

I have had very few experiences where guys did not rush to open a door, allow me to walk in a protected space, or stood up for me when in a precarious position. It opens up a level of trust that guys who do not behave that way rarely receive.

A guy who is honorable in his character and treats a woman with respect will receive a type of loyalty and care that many will never see. Personally, I go out of my way to see to it that a guy who is a gentleman is treated well, made to feel comfortable, and spoken to in a manner that lets him know that I know he is every bit of a man.

A gentleman makes a lady feel secure, and there is nothing like having a secure lady on your team, guys. 

There are benefits to being a gentleman, that do not show up for guys who are not.  A man who is a gentleman gets:

• Respect
• Trust
• Loyalty
• Economic Success
• Nurturing, loving, and support
• The big piece of chicken ;) lol
• The final say
• Fewer run ins with the law

What are your thoughts? Am I off base?