Be a lady, and you will be treated like one

What does it mean to be a lady? This question is more difficult to answer than it seems. So I'll try to break it down.

• DRESS LIKE A LADY

A lady dresses in a way that she feels her most beautiful, without feeling uncomfortable. A lady dresses in a way that will draw respectful approaches. A lady can be alluring without letting it all hang out.

• If your attire is see through, have the proper undergarments to address it (yes, I too have been guilty of not doing this).
• If you are showing skin on the top, cover the bottom. 
• Just because it is made in your size, does not give you leave to put it on. 
• Adorn your body in a way that hi-lights your best features, your curves, your great legs, etc. 

First Lady Michelle Obama carries herself like a lady in her
conservative yet oft flirty attire.
(Book cover by Margina Graham Parker)

My mom and I had an interesting conversation that somewhat inspired this conversation. She told me about how inappropriately a coworker dressed, with booty shorts on revealing waaaay too much. She asked what her husband had to say about her attire.


Another coworker said, "What should he have to say? I wish my husband would tell me how to dress! I dress the way I want!" My mom's thought was, "I would EXPECT my husband to have enough respect for me, that he would say something if I were dressed inappropriately. It shows that he cares. And I have enough respect for myself and for him, that I would not walk out of the house in clothes that bring disrespect."


Think about it, if your man who loves and adores you, co-signs you walking out of the house looking like a blow up doll...does that seem right? My homeboy's wife is a perfect example of dressing like a lady. When I see her at church, she is TO-GE-THER!  Hair right, attire pristine, and demeanor on point.  (I cannot tell you the number of times I have pulled a wrinkle free dress out of the dryer and thrown it on. LOL! There's nothing wrong with that...but you can still put more of an effort toward being to-ge-ther!)

• THINK LIKE A LADY

Kate Middleton is now a princess. She displays
the manners that most would attribute to ladylike
behavior. 

I know that darn book told you otherwise...but whatever. You are deserving of a certain level of treatment because of the way you work to establish yourself as a mature and respectful person. 

You are not desperate, and do not have to seek out approval for the person you are. Once you appreciate yourself, other people will appreciate you as well. You were given the gift of persuasion, not manipulation. Learn how to have persuasive discussions vs out of pocket arguments...it takes a large measure of thought to do so.

• Think of yourself as someone to be adored, not feared.  
• Think of being someone to be respected, not reviled. 
• Think before you speak, and allow those thoughts to pour out in a way that will get you what you desire.
• Think of the effect your words will have on the other person, and guild your thoughts with love, nurturing, and kindheartedness.

I'll tell you the truth...I seldom think like a lady when it comes to business and things of that sort. Many people would say that I think like a dude. I am very practical and ego driven in my thought processes. However, I have a nurturing side that I allow some to see. It takes balance in order for that to come out.

Though, when it comes to the relationship world, I have learned that the business side should be for business only. Why? Because it does not get me the desired result when it comes to the relationship world, whatever that result is. I have oft used the ladylike thought processes to my advantage in the dating world. Why? Because it gets me the desired result. (That's a guy type of thought right there LOL...but whatever...it is true!)

• BEHAVE LIKE A LADY

Always be true to yourself. Some things you learn as you grow, and others you will never know without seeking them out.  This particular point may seem funny coming from me, a certified former tomboy. I go at it on topics concerning sports. 

I will debate a point feverishly when it comes to politics and law. I am aggressive. But with all of that being said, even I can behave like a lady. 

Growing up around guys I developed a number of attributes that are not ladylike at all! I fought. I burped. I clowned. All genuine parts of who I am as a person. As I've grown as a person, I learned to temper it. 

On the flip side, my dad told me not to spit, whistle, or sit like a boy. He would always hold the door open for us, pump gas, buy us Valentine's Day candies in the miniature version of what he got my mama. 

• Ladies are cared for. So don't always jump to do everything yourself, even if you can.
• Ladies are protected. You do not have to always bear the burden of protecting yourself. Allow someone to shield you. If that person does not do it, find someone who will.
• Ladies are not overtaken with emotions. You SHOULD express how you feel without allowing what you feel to overwhelm you. People will TRY YOU...but they don't have to get the best of you, or take you out of your character.
• Ladies can control a crowd with a look. There is something to be said for turning the tables on someone without actually flipping a table. Claire Huxtable on the Cosby show could read a person like the Sunday paper with such flair, that they were left questioning their own existence. That's how a lady handles conflict...with sass, control, and class.

As my homeboy preached yesterday, what you feed will grow.  Being aggressive and compounding that with some unresolved emotions, I developed a temper. And when I would get angry, it would explode.  Now how exactly do you remain ladylike when someone has pissed you off? 

Yesterday, I had brunch with my friend after church.  The hostess was friendly, walked us over to the table, and even pulled out my seat for me.  The waitress was another story. She was particularly flirtatious with him.  Not the, "I want a good tip" kind of flirtation, but the over the line, being rude toward me flirtation. 

She barely looked in my direction when she came over to the table. The flirtation was inconsequential. It was what happened later that caused smoke to come out of my ears, nostrils, mouth, and eye sockets...

She would literally turn her back to me and speak only to him. Then when the check came, she again turned her back to me and asked him if he wanted her to split the check. He said, "No, I have it." She went a step further and said..."Well SOME women don't know how to appreciate a good man..." Or something to that effect. 

Evelyn Lozada looking ticked off at the dinner table.
From vh1.com

Okay...any of my friends reading this right now, are wondering why I did not call them for bail money. Why? Because they know I have a temper. Instead of going Evelyn Lozada crazy, I managed my emotions...which were leaning toward 'I will bus' this heiffa dead in the face for trying to play me like that and being so rude'.  I checked myself.  I laughed and told him, "Now YOU KNOW...she was trying to take me to a place that I don't need to go." LOL

If I had gone off, I would have appeared a fool. No bueno!

Being a lady takes a measure of class, dignity, and self control that many struggle with, myself included. The benefits of being a lady, however, are worth every bit of work put into polishing your lady-likeness. 

Ladies are:

• Admired
• Respected
• Cared for
• Protected
• Desired
• Pursued
• Treated well
• Considered worthy

What are your thoughts? Do you display ladylike qualities? Is this all hogwash and poppycock? LOL