Day 1 DV Awareness: You need space

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Instead of focusing on providing statistics or unveiling that DV is not gender specific like I've done in the past, I decided to use this month to focus on healthy relationship tools and concepts. 

Today, October 1, 2015, the focus is "You need your space". 

I've continuously witnessed how relationships consume people to the point of obsession in DV situations. Before it gets to the point of toxicity in your relationship, remember you need your space. 

You are a capable and amazing individual, undefined by anyone other than you. A healthy relationship partner will embrace and encourage a healthy dose of individualism without being fearful that the need for space is a rejection of him or her.

Your uniqueness is what attracted him or her in the first place. Yes it is normal for that person to want you to him/herself in a territorial way (to an extent). But that normal slips into crazyville when he/she tries to run everyone out of your life by manipulative or aggressive means. Sometimes it can be so subtle that you don't even recognize it. Just pay attention and the crazy will reveal itself. 

Yes, a bit of "clinginess" isn't all bad. You build a union by being close, but you have to have room to breathe and thrive. Remember weeds get extremely close to flowers and an overgrowth will choke the flower out. 

I often hear the priority vs option quote used to promote why you should or shouldn't be with a person. I get it, but you have to also remember that a person you love could have other priorities that make him/her a whole person. As long as you're not relegated to permanent backseat status, it should be okay if he wants some man time or she wants to connect with the girls. 

Trust me, if the person cares for you and respects you, that extra boost of testosterone or estrogen will get put to good use with you. 

Never fear giving a person space to continuously CHOOSE to spend time with you. If the person continuously chooses to not spend time with you, talk about the WHY behind it instead of making demands and trying to control that person's every movement. 

Don't be a weed and end up with a wilted flower. 

For several years I have volunteered as a DV advocate in a myriad of capacities including being a pro bono legal advocate, an on air expert, and promoting DV Awareness through media.