Skip to main content

Tip Jar

Day 24 DV AWARENESS: Find friendship

You can spend a lifetime looking for love in all the wrong places. Then you end up with someone for a time, to only discover that you don't like him/her that much. 

Most of the time when you meet someone whom you're attracted to, your judgment of other things about the person gets a little cloudy. It really isn't your fault, it's that dang chemical reaction popping off causing your brain to synapse in all kinds of funky ways. So it's hard to tell that he lacks a sense of humor because he looks so good, that your hormones make whatever he says sound funny. 

Or she's so dope, that you don't realize she's dumber than a brick. It it's not your fault.

But oh...when that attraction wanes a little, you start to realize just how irritating or boring your mate you just don't want to spend as much time together.

That's why friendship is so important in relationships. If you can develop a friendship with someone, you establish compatibility that goes beyond the realm of attraction. Like, if you weren't so drawn to his strong body, y'all could actually kick it on a cool level and be good. 

Friendship as a foundation to relationship is good for those difficult situations. Friends develop a bond that is based on the genuine continuity of getting along. There aren't a lot of responsibilities or expectations, so people tend to be more transparent with friends. 

The friendship is usually developed on equal footing...No one is in charge or in control of the friendship. The friendship is just something that belongs to each of the friends. They CHOOSE it. 

Friendship also helps establish a level of trust and forgiveness. You do dirt, I do dirt, we do dirt together but to maintain the friendship, we will never do each other dirty. 

With friendship there is a huge unspoken guarantee of loyalty and respect. You both understand that if you can't be loyal to each other, then the friendship doesn't really exist. And you thoroughly examine the person before the friendship reaches the ultimate bond level. 

Friends go through things together to test out how much they can rely on one another. So there is a constant working out and strengthening of the friendship bond.

Because of this, insecurities kinda take a back seat. You've already been through enough together that you can just be completely real. You know your friend has faults and you may joke about them but you accept him as is, and he you. 

Ultimately...friends really like each other...every spot, blemish or wrinkle...and respect who they are as individuals.

That's what makes friendship a dynamic tool for healthy romantic relationships. When the romance may be on shortterm  hiatus, the friendship stays around to keep things running. 

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Sense of Safety (Guest Post)

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Many young adult DV relationships begin during the teen years. When involved in a DV relationship, a person's safety is very often in peril. Nora Hood guest blogs for YBBG in this post.
A Sense of Safety: Protection or Survivors of Domestic Violence.
Approximately 20,000 calls are made to the National Census of Domestic Violence Services every day. It’s a fact of life for domestic violence survivors who live in fear that a former partner will show up without warning, seeking revenge. Unfortunately, the vast majority of victims haven’t prepared a plan of action, or had security or monitoring devices installed. Protection is a major concern in light of the fact that three women are killed by a partner every day. Providing for your safety and that of your children can seem an overwhelming objective for domestic violence victims who are just trying to get away from destructive relationships and get on with their lives. Many assume that…

Guy Secrets: He treats his friends better than you

I know, the title of this blog post may have caused a screw face with some of you. However...many women often complain about how much time their men spends with friends.
There's a reason for that... If your man spends more time away from you and with his friends... It's because he likes them and feels obligated to you.
That may seem a little crazy, but someone really can love you, but not like you very much. If your relationship is more like a chore than a good me, your dude will always look for an escape. He will take on more hours at his real job, join an extra rec league, hand out with his boys more, etc.
There is a cure for that, though... If you and your boo have a genuine friendship...enjoy similar activities, can talk and joke with each other, really find joy in each other's personalities...he will actually want to spend time with you.
More than that, when a dude considers you a friend, he feels more free and less tied down. Honestly, dudes secretly de…

Curves Connect: Online dating for real people seeking real relationships

Many people find online dating frustrating. Between the lies and game playing, the fear of being "catfished" and the sensory overload they have decided that online dating is a waste of time. Others see online dating as no different than traditional dating and actually feel it is more convenient. Where do you fall within these two contrasting perspectives?