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Day 24 DV AWARENESS: Find friendship


You can spend a lifetime looking for love in all the wrong places. Then you end up with someone for a time, to only discover that you don't like him/her that much. 

Most of the time when you meet someone whom you're attracted to, your judgment of other things about the person gets a little cloudy. It really isn't your fault, it's that dang chemical reaction popping off causing your brain to synapse in all kinds of funky ways. So it's hard to tell that he lacks a sense of humor because he looks so good, that your hormones make whatever he says sound funny. 

Or she's so dope, that you don't realize she's dumber than a brick. It happens...so it's not your fault.

But oh...when that attraction wanes a little, you start to realize just how irritating or boring your mate is..now you just don't want to spend as much time together.

That's why friendship is so important in relationships. If you can develop a friendship with someone, you establish compatibility that goes beyond the realm of attraction. Like, if you weren't so drawn to his strong body, y'all could actually kick it on a cool level and be good. 

Friendship as a foundation to relationship is good for those difficult situations. Friends develop a bond that is based on the genuine continuity of getting along. There aren't a lot of responsibilities or expectations, so people tend to be more transparent with friends. 

The friendship is usually developed on equal footing...No one is in charge or in control of the friendship. The friendship is just something that belongs to each of the friends. They CHOOSE it. 

Friendship also helps establish a level of trust and forgiveness. You do dirt, I do dirt, we do dirt together but to maintain the friendship, we will never do each other dirty. 

With friendship there is a huge unspoken guarantee of loyalty and respect. You both understand that if you can't be loyal to each other, then the friendship doesn't really exist. And you thoroughly examine the person before the friendship reaches the ultimate bond level. 

Friends go through things together to test out how much they can rely on one another. So there is a constant working out and strengthening of the friendship bond.

Because of this, insecurities kinda take a back seat. You've already been through enough together that you can just be completely real. You know your friend has faults and you may joke about them but you accept him as is, and he you. 

Ultimately...friends really like each other...every spot, blemish or wrinkle...and respect who they are as individuals.

That's what makes friendship a dynamic tool for healthy romantic relationships. When the romance may be on shortterm  hiatus, the friendship stays around to keep things running. 


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