Day 5 DV AWARENESS: Embrace accountability

Day 5: DV AWARENESS 

Embrace accountability. Accountability is a key factor in maintaining a healthy relationship. No one is always right, and being wrong sometimes isn't a fatal flaw.

Why would I mention accountability when talking about DV and healthy relationships? I am a firm believer in reaching abuse victims, potential abuse victims, abusers and potential abusers. 

One of the most repeated phrases coming from abusers to their victims is: "YOU MADE ME DO THIS!!!" Or "Why did you make me do this?"

You are only responsible for your own decisions, not the decisions of other folks. If a person cannot be accountable for his/her poor decisions, that person will have a hard time maintaining a healthy, non-toxic relationship.

A person who cannot acknowledge their wrongs, accept responsibility for their decisions or stop laying blame at the door or someone else, will be hard pressed to make necessary changes in their piss poor behavior and dysfunctional living. You cannot fix what you refuse to own up to. 

A person who can acknowledge and own his or her behavior is often more open to correcting behavior that is detrimental to a healthy relationship, than one who always looks for a scapegoat. 

In addition, being able to acknowledge flaws gives you room for growth. To have success at any relationship you have to give yourself and your partner room for growth. 

(Let me be clear...I'm speaking of flaws and not character defects. Character defects like acting out in violence and tormenting someone are things that destroy people, and that a person needs serious professional help for, that a romantic partner does not have the ability or capacity to give. A person battling with this type of issue should seek help away from the victim.)

Growth means you're building and rebuilding at times. Being stubborn, unrepentant and blame-seeking causes road blocks that become insurmountable. 

In a healthy relationship, you do not have to be perfect or always right. A good mate will not hold your wrongs over your head, especially when you own the wrongs and seek to correct them. 

If you want a productive and healthy relationship, own your screw ups and take responsibility for doing better. Also, don't be so quick to accept blame for someone else's poor decisions. You can influence someone's desire to do right or wrong, but you cannot make anyone do anything. Ultimately, everyone is responsible for his or her own actions. 

If you are no longer a child you're fresh out of time on having another human being be responsible for your actions and reactions. It's all on you.