DAY 22 DV AWARENESS: Get help
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| DAY 22: DV AWARENESS |
When I had a flat tire in the past, I immediately jumped on the phone to call someone to help me. When I broke my ankle, I drove myself to the hospital to get it fixed.
In both situations, I knew something was wrong...I knew what was wrong...and I contacted the help I needed. I didn't go to the hospital to fix my flat or phone a friend to fix my ankle.
Then there were the times where I didn't even know there was something wrong with me. For example, I have food allergies, and apparently had them for awhile. I am allergic to peaches and had been having reactions that I thought were normal. Every time I ate peaches, I would itch. I blamed it on the peach fuzz and assumed it made everyone itch...literally for years.
It wasn't until I had a life threatening reaction that I knew something was wrong. Then after many trials and errors, I finally saw a specialist who told me exactly what was at the root of the issue. Over a period of time, I figured out how to avoid the things that caused my reactions and haven't had too many problems since. It didn't have to go that far. Had I paid attention to the signs earlier, I wouldn't have to have gone through everything that came as a result of that major reaction. Even though it took a while, going through the process was worth it to make my life healthier.
Now, why in the world did I tell you all of that? And what does it have to do with relationships? Well...sometimes we enter into relationships with personal issues. Those issues may be as common as having a hard time communicating, or more deeply rooted like an undiagnosed mental health issue. The problem is, you cannot just look at someone and know that something is going on with him or her...however, behaviors can show these signs.
I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist, nor psychiatrist, nor am I a therapist or coach of any kind. However, I know there are people out there who can help you if you find yourself having struggles. You should never feel ashamed about getting the help you need. You just have to know where to seek the help. Trust me, I know it can be a little scary at first...but resolving your issues will totally lift you into a better life than you can imagine.
If you're in a situation where you feel you cannot openly seek help. You can call a crisis line. Here are a few:
Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD
(1-800-422-4453)
National Child Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-866-FOR-LIGHT (866-367-5444)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (through RAINN) 800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 |
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
You know, licensed psychiatrists and psychologists are great for helping you dig to the root of your issue. Sometimes you don't even know what's going on with you...Kinda like my issue with the peaches. You can sense something is not quite okay...or you've been in situations where you've come to realize what's going on isn't as common or normal as you once thought.
Do not be afraid to seek medical help. If you've experienced trauma in your past, and never received help, you may be suffering from trauma related mental health issues. Or if you've found yourself having more bad days than good days, it's possible that you're dealing with depression. There can be chemical causes of imbalance too, that cause you to react in ways that you normally would not. A doctor can help you discover what those issues are.
I cannot tell you what's wrong with you, nor can someone who hasn't had the proper training. Do not be afraid to seek medical help when you tussle with psychological and emotional problems. There is no shame in it. You are not weak because of it. As a matter of fact, by not seeking help, you tend to weaken yourself. Had I not gone to the hospital with my broken ankle, I would probably still walk with a limp today.
Just because what's going on with you is not physically visible, doesn't make it any less important than a broken ankle. If you decide on therapy, choose one whom you are comfortable with speaking to openly and honestly.
Where you can find help for complex, deeply rooted problems
A lot of conflicts that we experience in life are brought on by our deeply rooted issues. Those deep seeded things tend to color how we see the world and operate in it. So you may find yourself clashing with people, not because of who they are, but because of what you've been through. Or, you may find yourself drawn to unhealthy situations because of what you're dealing with on the inside. If you've already discovered the root of your problem and are ready to get tools to work through the problem...a licensed counselor or therapist may come in handy.
Counselors tend to focus on specific areas. You have counselors who deal with victims of sexual abuse or persons who have experienced physical violence. Some are family counselors. Some are counselors for adolescents. There are grief counselors who help you cope, and mental health counselors that deal with managing mental health issues. Counselors can also diagnose some issues and suggest more specialized help for you.
As with anyone you go to for help, check them out first. See if their philosophies align with your own. Determine whether or not they actually are qualified to deal with what you're going through. If you have a desire to work with someone who is faith based, then seek a faith based person, who is also professionally licensed and trained in the area that you need help in.
I know, for a lot of church folks, it is easier to seek counsel from ministers and deacons and the like. However, if those people have absolutely no training in mental health diagnoses, or DV counseling specifically...you may want to go to them for religious/spiritual guidance, but go to someone else, who shares your faith and has the proper training and resources for other issues you are dealing with.
Where you can find counselors who can help you through your issues
At times, the issues we have are less deeply rooted, and more based on being unaware of how to get certain things done. When faced with issues of just not knowing how to do something, you may need a coach. That's okay too.
If you have a hard time getting things accomplished or achieving (or even setting) certain goals for yourself. Look for a mentor or coach to get you on the right path. There are relationship mentors and coaches, career mentors and coaches, and personal life coaches and mentors available to help you set some personal goals, when you are ready to step out and embrace all that life has to offer you.
These coaches cannot diagnose you or help you resolve past issues. That is not their training. Do not go to a coach for the purpose of dealing with deep issues of your past or psychological and mental health issues. Go to a licensed and trained professional therapist...they are the ones who can help you there...a coach cannot. Do not confuse the two.
Let me get to an aspect of healing that I find great power in...that is prayer and my spiritual life. I am a believer in God and a practitioner of the Christian faith. That is my faith walk and I'm respectful of others. I believe in the power of God to heal, and I also believe that God allows the existence of medical and other professionals to help you through that healing. I understand that in some faiths, therapy and psychology are looked down upon. Ultimately you should decide what is best for you.
I believe in the power of prayer and yes, I have prayed my way through some things and saw myself come out anew on the other side. Yet, I also believe in therapy. When I am sick, I pray AND go to the doctor. See...faith without works is dead. And I know there are some people that God has placed in certain career paths to do great works.
I said all that to say, don't let anyone stand in the way of your healing. I don't care who they are, or whom they claim to be. If a person is denying you healing, they are denying you an abundant life...and it isn't right (in my view). So for those of you of a certain faith, of a praying faith....Pray. And in all things be prayerful. Pray when you walk yourself into therapy. Pray when you leave. Pray as you go through your channels of healing. Don't stop praying...but don't forget you have to pray AND do some work. (Also...if you are in a faith worker...please point your congregants to the right help.)
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