Day 4 DV AWARENESS: Own your own life
Day 4: DV AWARENESS Own your own life. In a healthy relationship, you maintain some level of autonomy. The development of the relationship is based on free will and equity in decision-making.
-@CM_Writer #enddvnow #DV #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes #relationships #healthyrelationships #lifequotes #love #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #dvawareness
(Please feel free to copy and share this to your own social media. I'm trying to get the word out on healthy relationships.)
Now, I don't know about you, but when I was finally of legal age, no one could tell me what to do...they could make requests or even demands...but ultimately it was my decision and my consequence as to whether I complied. See, when you are a child, someone else may be liable (responsible) for the consequences of your decisions, so the onus is on those parents or guardians to make decisions for you to a certain point, and guide your decision-making until you become wholly responsible for the consequences of your own actions. A child, or a declared incompetent person in your care, is the only person for whom a parent or guardian has charge over, and responsibility for, the individual's actions.
Good parents protect you from life's calamities, great parents show you how to avoid them on your own or get over them when they happen.
Now, I said all of that to say this...when you get grown enough to have and develop your own relationships...no one has the power to control anything about your life UNLESS you grant them that power. Nor do you have the authority to control anyone else's life. Most people who feel compelled to dictate to others or attempt to own another person, don't believe in their own greatness. Let's just be real.
If you truly believe in yourself as a person, people will become a part of your life because they CHOOSE to do so, and they will stay because they WANT to stay. You will never have to force, coerce or hold anyone hostage in your life. You and he/she will have the authority to walk away however you CHOOSE. If you don't yet believe in yourself as a person, seek spiritual guidance from the Lord and help from a professional...do not lay the duty, blame or responsibility at the feet of someone who doesn't have the ability to do anything about it.
You own your own body, no one else's. Your ownership is a solo proprietorship. Likewise, you own your mind, your heart, your thoughts, your decisions, and therefore you own your own life. You CHOOSE whom with you would like to share any of those things.
Maintaining a relationship is a series of constant decision-making. In a healthy relationship, decisions are made in the best interest of both parties. Here's the kicker...the best interest of each person is determined by the individual, and shared with and considered by the other person. The best interest of the relationship is determined by both people in it and they have equity in decisions-making for their SHARED relationship.
No one can tell a grown person what his or her best interest is...someone can make a suggestion, but that person has to determine if he or she agrees, will take it under advisement, and/or employ the suggestion.
But the key to that is...the individual has the authority to decide for him or herself. A good partner will appreciate your ability to think for yourself. Who really wants to be with someone that he or she has to monitor and direct all the time? Only an unstable person will revel in playing hall monitor and den mother/father to another adult. And only another unstable person will choose that kind of life for him or herself.
If you find that you are unstable, trying to find stability inside of a relationship may not be the best thing for you or the other person. But that depends on your level of instability...there is a wide breadth in types of instability...on one end there is toxicity on the other end there is an openness to dual balance. Just be mindful of which end you're closest to before jumping into a relationship.
Let's get to this ownership thing. Unless you were a twin, you came into this world dolo-solo. You were raised, and then you were free to navigate the world based on a series of your own choices, beliefs, and decision-making. Anyone you meet has had that same unique experience.
Your upbringing may have been vastly different, as may have been your beliefs and decision-making...and that's okay. As a matter of fact, some level of difference makes for a more enjoyable and abundant relationship.
Yet those are your individual lives that have been earned by you, individually. Therefore, only you have ownership over your life. And you choose who you allow to participate in it. You own your life, no one else's, and you CHOOSE to share it with others in whatever capacity, YOU decide.
When you choose to share your life with someone, most people aim to do so with someone who chooses to share his/her life in the same capacity. The problems crop up when you aren't getting the type of relationship you want in the manner you'd like to receive it...or the person you're with feels that way.
Now...you and that person have two healthy options in this situation...you (or he/she) are free to leave or you're free to stay and work it out. The key word here is: FREE. So the decisions each person makes are freely theirs to make. You are not responsible for another grown person's poor decisions...remember that.
If you do not like those decisions, you are free to go on about your business, free to get help in leaving, or free to seek assistance in understanding and working together. If a person's decisions are causing you abusive harm...you are not bound to that person by physical chains.
However, your prior decisions when you began the relationship may have bound you by mental or emotional chains. If that's where you find yourself, seek help. Because remember who owns your decisions and your life, you do...So you do not have to share that life with someone who tortures it.
Healthy relationships include a decent level of respect for the autonomy of the individuals within it. Healthy relationships promote beneficial growth for each person involved.
A healthy relationship employs equity, which means fairness and egalitarianism. That means you don't have to do every little thing equally, everyone has strengths and weaknesses but you support the health of the relationship with genuine fairness and justness. Each party contributes to their highest abilit and each contribution is equally regarded, valued, and respected...that is equit. You do what you're best at to promote the relationship, and what you do has no more or less value than what your partner does.
Healthy relationships honor individualism of both parties while maintaining the bond that keeps the parties connected. Healthy people within relationships are not domineering or controlling. Healthy relationships promote self actualization and are not about the ownership of other human beings.
Life is a gift. Own your own life and be wise about with whom you choose to share it. Let me add...there is not a soul walking this planet who you owe your life to...the orchestrator of your existence is your creator. Even your parents were just mere vessels to get you here. You honor them for their work in your life...but that gift of living came from a power even greater than them. Ultimately, the gift of your life was given to you...and its up to you to decide what you do with it and no one else.
