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Day 7 DV AWARENESS: Learn how to love


Learn how to love. Healthy relationships have little to do with "feeling" "in love." "Feelings" can change with the wind. Healthy relationships employ the tactical actions, decisions, and temperament that comprise love. -@CM_Writer #endDVnow #relationshipquotes #relationships #relationships #love #datingtips #DVAwareness #DV #healthyrelationships #health

I have attended and/or been a part of the bridal party at a number of weddings over the years. At almost all of those weddings, I've heard the following scripture read: 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
It seems like everyone wants to feel love even when they know it's not real love. Often, love gets diminished to a "feeling." Feelings come and feelings go. Feelings are fleeting, but their immediate impact is strong...kinda like getting a jolt of espresso in the morning...
So it is no wonder that people are in constant search for that jolt. 
The real kind of love is long lasting and pervasive. Real Love actually takes some effort on your part. It doesn't just overcome you in a wave. But do you actually know how to love? 
When you learn how it works, you  become more apt at realizing what is and is not "love."
If love is patient and kind, then you know it isn't impatient and mean. If you cannot show patience and kindness, do you even have the ability to love? If a person does not show you patience and kindness, consistently, is he or she actually loving you?
There are a number of things that impact our ability to be kind and patient...Sometimes stress, heartache, mistreatment or past unhealed traumas make us short tempered, impatient and mean-spirited. 
All of these things are within our power to change. You can recover from heartache, find positive ways to relieve stress, refuse mistreatment and find healing for past traumas. You just have to be willing to do the work necessary to accomplish it. 
Often, folks are just locked in and comfortable with how they've always been. 
Can you stay that way and love at the same time? 
If love does not envy or boast and is not proud, then it is compassionate, confident, modest, reserved, remorseful and humble. 
When I've heard people say that they like their mates to be a little jealous, I wonder why. Is it to prove that he/she actually cares enough to acknowledge that someone else potentially wants you? 
When you are confident in your relationship, it tends to root out the need for repeated proof. But that means, both parties will have to do the work to root out some of the normal insecurities that come with developing a bond. 
Nor does it mean you stop showing kindness and appreciation towards your mate. It does mean that you will stop creating petty jealousies, discontinue comparing your mate or relationship to others, and weed out the insecurities that limit the strength of your bond.
Love also establishes a route to forgiveness by instituting a mandate for humity, compassion and being genuinely sorry when you do wrong. If you cannot admit your wrongs, you will struggle to right them. 
Good old accountability is part of having and giving love...real love. 

If love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs; then love honors and respects, is selfless, is slow to anger, and forgives.
Marinate on this one...for awhile.
Love does not hurt. PERIOD. If it is hurting you, it is the opposite of love. Love doesn't talk to you any kind of way, it doesn't hold you out for ridicule, abuse you, mistreat you, drag you through mess, cheat on you, use you, forget your needs, silence your voice, get pissed off quickly, or hold your mistakes over your head forever. It does not play tit for tat, seek to do you harm, only think of itself, or refuse to respect you or maintain your dignity.
Look, some people do not know how to behave in a loving manner. They only know how to show out, fulfill their own needs, use people for their own gain, get over on others, talk bad about you and to you, point out your every fault and hang those faults over your head for the world to see. That is who they have chosen to become or decided to stay...they can change when they decide to do so themselves. 
Until that person gets if together, they will be dangerous to love. You may be prepared to love him/her, but love will be scarce coming from his/her side of things. 
If you are that person who might be difficult to love, look in the mirror and figure out why instead of trying to force someone to "put up with you" (male version) or "handle you" (female version).
A lot of folks will tell you that everyone deserves love...well...that's a lie. (This may be steady yourself.) Everyond may need love, but they aren't entitled to your love. 
Love is a gift and a blessing...and should be respected as such. There are some nasty people in this world, and you're not meant to rescue all of them. And you darn sure aren't meant to love them within a relationship. 
Love takes work and you are not obligated to waste that work on any and everyone. Not the relationship love anyway. 
You can give them charitable love outside of a relationship. You do not have to jump in to fix folks. Some fixing is outside the realm of your possibilities. 
So you can be measured with the kind of love that you give certain people. Folks who will do you or themselves harm, could possible use your friendship love within boundaries, but you do not have to create a union with that person that ultimately deprives you of love. 
I said that to say, don't be anybody's fool...your love is a gift and you choose to whom you give it, and in what measure it is given. 
If Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, then it doesn't take pleasure in other's pain, seek to cause harm or live in lies.
If you have a hard time not hurting people, and difficulty being transparent and truthful, you will be hard pressed to give and receive love.
It is hard to love a liar because your love will be based on a shaky foundation. Lies help create insecurity and destroy confidence. Without truth there will be no understanding and a wellspring of discontent will consume you. 
You will create a war zone when you revel in evil deeds and find solace in spreading lies, fallacies and falsehoods. Love is AUTHENTIC...and anything built on negativity is bound to fail...or take you down.
If Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, then it doesn't leave you to fend for yourself, bring danger to your door, create insecurity, live in suspicion, dwell in misery and pessimism or run out, give out, or give up.
Love does not create a spirit of guards and provides stability. Love is a concrete and dependable foundation. Love shields you from harm and keeps you safe. Love preserves you and promotes your growth. 
Love isn't suspicious, untrusting or untrustworthy. Love is a catalyst for reliability and dependability. Love promotes transparency. Love brings optimism and a positive outlook for the future. Love removes doubt and fear. Love is sustaining through good and bad times. Love endures.
Isn't love a beautiful thing? 
What is really stopping you from having it? What can you work on within yourself to open the pathway to work at love? 
Do you know how to trust and be trustworthy? Are you able to protect and be kind? Can you forgive and be accountable for your own shortcomings? 
Do you know how to work through problems in a patient and respectful manner? Do you know how to let stuff go? 

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