DAY 17 DV AWARENESS: Learn to forgive

First, forgive me for being late with this post. I've been behind these last couple of days.

Let me get right down to it. Forgiveness is a hard, hard thing to give to someone who has done so much wrong to you. But the secret is...forgiveness is something you give to yourself. 

Yep! Forgiveness is a gift to you, not them. 

All this time, you've probably thought that forgiveness is something that relinquishes a wrongdoer of the consequences of his or her wrong doing. It seems like you are giving the person permission to do you wrong again. After all, people have always said that you are to forgive and forget, right? 

What people hardly ever tell you is that forgiveness releases you from what happened to you. As a matter of fact the perpetrators may or not feel a release themselves. 

Quite frankly, holding on to the emotions and memories of what someone has done to you, keeps that person and his/her deeds alive in your life. 

This is quite evident in a video, "Steel Here," that Tisha Campbell-Martin released a short time ago. Campbell-Martin was raped when she was three years old. She carried the emotional burden of that assault for a long time. Her attacker wrote a letter apologizing for the horrific attack. Campbell-Martin said it was at that moment she was able to forgive and be set free. 

The hard thing is, not everyone who does you wrong, even grievously so, will apologize and mean it. Some will not apologize at all. However, their apologies, though very helpful, are inconsequential to your need to give forgiveness. Yes, I believe an earnest apology would help speed up the process of your healing, but I also believe you can heal and forgive without the apology. 

So how do you forgive? Well...every person's process is different. What you can do is face what has happened to you. Face it, do not run from it...have some help if you need it. Therapists are great for this. 

Then acknowledge that the full blame for that person's actions is on him/her, not you. You do not own someone else's actions. You hold zero fault for what he or she has done. You only control your actions and feelings. 

Now dig deeply, and root out all of the bad, harmful, and negative feelings you had that were associated with what occurred. Pray through it, meditate on it, release it. 

It most definitely can be emotionally draining to go through these processes. But the release is cathartic. Realize that what occurred belongs in your past, including the feelings attached to it and every destructive action you've taken due to those feelings. Give that away. 

If you have to write it away, write it. If you have to sing it away, sing it. If you have to paint it away, paint it...whatever positive action you can take to push away the pain away do it. Remember...take positive actions to do so...not negative. Don't do things that will cover, distract or self-medicate. Do things that are beneficial. 

Work through the forgiveness process. It IS a process, not something instantaneous. When you have let go...you will know it. You will feel like a brand new person, and you don't have to look back.

Forgiveness takes the thorns out of you. Forgiveness takes the chains off. The strongholds will cease to exist and you will be free and whole and joyful. 

There is a gift in forgiveness, and that gift is having your life back.