DAY 9 DV AWARENESS: Know your boundaries
Relationships are built by the people within them, and no one else. What you allow in your relationship is your business. However, some things are not and should not be allowed in any relationship.
There is no place for physical violence in any relationship, when it happens it becomes EVERYBODY's business. It is not and should not be a secret. It should not occur. Speak up and speak out if it happens.
There is no place for sexual abuse in any relationship. Sexual abuse IS everybody's business. Someone will believe you. It is not worthy of being a secret. Do not remain silent. Someone will help you!
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There is no place for abuse in any relationship. Abuse is everybody's business!
Abuse is a public health issue. Abuse places people in harm's way who are not involved in the relationship. There are groups and organizations formed for the purpose of assisting abuse victims. Abuse is poisonous and can taint a generation of people. Therefore ABUSE IS EVERYBODY's BUSINESS.
That said, you are responsible for setting the boundaries of what is and is not acceptable in your relationship. Anything that goes on in your relationship, other than abuse, is nobody's business.
It is up to the couple to decide what works for them. Each person in the relationship should have a voice in what the boundaries are for their relationship.
When you decide to couple up, do not be afraid to express what your boundaries are. Be clear and be consistent. If the other person doesn't agree with your boundaries, that is okay.
You both can decide if you're willing to compromise or if you'd rather walk away.
Establish your boundaries up front, so the person will know what he or she is getting into. Folks tend to feel betrayed when you switch up on them after you've committed.
If you're iffy about some things and do not yet have a boundary regarding it, express that as well, so that the person is aware that you may or may not change your mind.
Decide who you will or will not remain involved with once you decide to join as a couple. Are you okay with friends of the opposite sex? Are exes allowed?
What are the parameters of those friendships? Is it still cool for friends/family to pop up or call at all hours of the night?
How often will you spend time together? Speak to each other? Are texts okay vs phone calls?
Who will pay for what? Do you have certain traditional or non-traditional values that you will bring into the relationship?
How will you deal with problems/conflict? Are you used to cussing folks out and getting over it?
What do you consider cheating? How do you determine the commitment level you have? What are your deal breakers?
Are you really down for whatever sexually? Or are there things you just will not do?
Every healthy relationship has rules and regulations unique to the people in them. An "anything goes" relationship often invites drama and instability.
Boundaries guide relationships in certain directions and you get to have a voice in what that direction will be for you and your mate.
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